Living with parents in middle age

AubreyMac

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Yes but I hardly think their present living arrangements qualifies as a specification unless you were hoping to move in & then claim half their property!

That would only work if they owned it, which is not part of my requirements in a partner.

maman

AubreyMac wrote: »

She makes statements such as "I'll never be able to buy my own place" or "I wouldn't be able to have my own place without a partner".

I can see why someone may be put off by that, coz it indicates wanting a relationship with the expectation of having an 'escape route' provided for.

It could equally indicate that she's grasped reality for her level of income. If she had a partner then they could afford half a deposit and mortgage payments each. That's just maths.

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Yes but I hardly think their present living arrangements qualifies as a specification unless you were hoping to move in & then claim half their property!

AubreyMac wrote: »

That would only work if they owned it, which is not part of my requirements in a partner.

So are you looking for some sort of bimbo who doesn't have the education to have got herself on the housing ladder. Wasn't it someone around 40 you were looking for?

AubreyMac wrote: »

As I'm on the dating scene, many men my own age do not own their own homes. Many have student debts but they have a uni education to show for it. The only debt I have is a mortgage. I don't have qualifications (I only have 3 gcse's). Therefore I'm not likely to ever be a high flyer in the work front. I know this does put people off me but that doesn't bother me. I work a job that I'm content in (don't love it but don't dread each morning either) and it's enough to pay for my cost of living.

At least you recognise that some people might have different 'requirements'. Personally I left my ex because he didn't see learning as important and wasn't supportive of me and my career. He earned good money and as far as he was concerned that was enough. He couldn't see that learning is lifelong not just compulsory schooling or when your employer pays.

AubreyMac wrote: »

Careerwise I'm not ambitious but in life I am.

It's good you're happy with your lot but not that sure what ambition means to you. Bigger house? Bigger Car?

AubreyMac

maman wrote: »

It could equally indicate that she's grasped reality for her level of income. If she had a partner then they could afford half a deposit and mortgage payments each. That's just maths.

True.


For me though, it would scare me to be financially reliant on a partner. But I guess a lot of partnerships need each other in some way, even if only to not be alone which I know a lot of people fear.

maman wrote: »

So are you looking for some sort of bimbo who doesn't have the education to have got herself on the housing ladder. Wasn't it someone around 40 you were looking for?

Himself


Up to 40, but no younger than 35.


Don't have to own a home, but not to live with parents at that age. I want someone a bit independent and domesticated.

maman wrote: »

At least you recognise that some people might have different 'requirements'. Personally I left my ex because he didn't see learning as important and wasn't supportive of me and my career. He earned good money and as far as he was concerned that was enough. He couldn't see that learning is lifelong not just compulsory schooling or when your employer pays.

Learning doesn't just take place in a school/college/uni.


Although I don't have formal education, I learn a lot by travelling, meeting others and talking about their life journey and what makes people tick and how they pick up the pieces after adversity. I work for a adoption and fostering agency so this job fulfils my curiosity and expands it.


Your ex sounds complacent and likes being in his comfort zone. This could be off putting for a lot of people (and living with parents in middle age could count as being complacent).


Of course, part of my lack of education comes from the fact that I don't have a passion in any particular subject, I'm interested in lots of things and I wouldn't want to commit (in time & money) to studying anything unless I have some plan on what to do with it.

maman wrote: »

It's good you're happy with your lot but not that sure what ambition means to you. Bigger house? Bigger Car?

I would say it's having a desire to achieve something and that first comes with believing that one is worthy of having it, and not be afraid of trying to get it.


We all want things but I admire those who work towards their goal, whether that's to have a baby, to lose weight, to walk again after being in a accident or to reach the summit of mount Everest. Effort is just attractive to me.


I want a bigger house eventually as my flat is tiny, even for just me (purely practical) but ambitions doesn't have to be materials.

Marvel1

While you mentioned don't someone who lives with their parents and someone else about mammys boy. I have similar feelings about bank of Mam and Dad e.g.a deposit for house it's wrong, we are adults, should stand on our own 2 feet.

I have my own home at 25, loving the freedom and could never go back.

Poor_Single_lady

Can't help but agree with Aubrey. And not sure why she is getting so much grief.

If you date someone living with their parents it means everytime you go to their house you have to be prepared for interaction with the parents and a Certain amount of freedom not being available to you. Essentially like when you dated someone and you were 16 and you had to be polite to their mum and hang out in their bedroom.
I don't think it's judgemental or harsh to say as 30 something women this isn't for us

pllleasehelpp

Can someone please help.

I've been out of the army for 19 years but I've never payed council tax, I've always worked but never had a fixed address, I just liked the moving around life, but always works and payed my taxes but never council tax, I've recently meet someone and I'm looking at moving in together, how do I get around the fact I've never payed council tax and I want to start, I know how to start paying council tax as I've looked into it but will I be asked to provide my last address so they can see I've not payed council tax in 19 years.....

Sncjw

I live with my parents at age 27. I am unable to viably live on my own. I would like to have a mortgage and not rent. I see rent is throwing money away.

I don't have a partner so it is difficult to get a house where I live on the income I have. I am realistic in my finances . People have said I should just move out but I don't want to struggle thenove back to parents.


I am deaf also so living alone would be scary for me as I won't be able to hear any alarms at night nor if people were to break in. The

Jackmydad

I don't really see a problem with adult offspring living at home, as long as that person pays their full share of all the bills, and puts something towards the maintenance of the property, either / or / and financial and physical help.
And of course does their fair share of the cooking, cleaning and other housework.
In other words behaves like an adult living with their other adults, rather than a child still living a home.
But as long as everyone is happy with whatever arrangement, then it's up to them.

pearl123

AubreyMac wrote: »

Last week I met someone whose 47 year old brother still lives with parents.


I know nowadays with the increased difficulty in buying your own home means that it's normal to hear of people at the age of 30 still living with parents.


But at what age does living with parents become ridiculous?


Is it viewed as worse for men?


I moved out for the first time at age 25 into private rented property then I went back and forth to parents until I finally managed to buy my own flat when I was 31.


It is one of my requirements in a partner to not live with parents, but then at my age (mid 30's) I want a partner older than me - say max age 40, I think anyone that age living with parents is just pathetic especially if they've never moved out before. To me I would think they are lazy and lack ambition.


One of my best friends is 38 and has never been able to live by herself and since the age of 18 has just rented various rooms on the private rental market. She wishes now that she just stayed with her parents as she may have saved enough money to buy her own place.

You sound highly judgemental.
There are many ways to live this life. At no age does it become ridiculous to stay with parents. There is no ideal way to live this life!

Clearly, there are many reasons why people remain at home with their parents, including cultural, disability, income and caring responsibilities to name but a few.

Plus real love is not mapped out, into an ideal age and living circumstances. That sounds closer to status.

To me OP sounds considerably younger than mid 30's.

Poor_Single_lady

I think it's implied but not specifically stated the Aubrey is referring to people who choose to live with their parents through their own pure choosing rather than a reason like caring for people or something like that.