Living with parents in middle age

AubreyMac

Last week I met someone whose 47 year old brother still lives with parents.


I know nowadays with the increased difficulty in buying your own home means that it's normal to hear of people at the age of 30 still living with parents.


But at what age does living with parents become ridiculous?


Is it viewed as worse for men?


I moved out for the first time at age 25 into private rented property then I went back and forth to parents until I finally managed to buy my own flat when I was 31.


It is one of my requirements in a partner to not live with parents, but then at my age (mid 30's) I want a partner older than me - say max age 40, I think anyone that age living with parents is just pathetic especially if they've never moved out before. To me I would think they are lazy and lack ambition.


One of my best friends is 38 and has never been able to live by herself and since the age of 18 has just rented various rooms on the private rental market. She wishes now that she just stayed with her parents as she may have saved enough money to buy her own place.

Primrose

I think one of the drivers for people moving out from their parents' home is to have an independent life. I would imagine that as soon as members of the opposite sex become a regular feature of their lives, people would want some privacy and move out from under their parents' noses. Perhaps its not only lack of money to afford a home of one's own but the absence of any kind of sex life that keeps them staying at home.

ska_lover

AubreyMac wrote: »

One of my best friends is 38 and has never been able to live by herself and since the age of 18 has just rented various rooms on the private rental market. She wishes now that she just stayed with her parents as she may have saved enough money to buy her own place.

Sorry this is confusing to me (maybe I am thick) has your friend lived by herself, or not? Renting is still 'living by yourself' isn't it, or is it less valid if you rent and not buy?


In terms of looking for a partner, IMO, anything above late 20s comes across as a bit mummys boy-ish and off-putting to a future relationship. Especially, like you say, if he had never moved out before or even seems to want to. A woman wants a man, not a boy who cant cope without parental help well into adulthood


It would put me off if I met a guy in his 30s who still lived with his parents - he wouldn't have to own a place though


Being 47 and living with parents is just sad, sad for all parties concerned

AubreyMac

ska_lover wrote: »

Sorry this is confusing to me (maybe I am thick) has your friend lived by herself, or not? Renting is still 'living by yourself' isn't it, or is it less valid if you rent and not buy?


In terms of looking for a partner, IMO, anything above late 20s comes across as a bit mummys boy-ish and off-putting to a future relationship. Especially, like you say, if he had never moved out before or even seems to want to. A woman wants a man, not a boy who cant cope without parental help well into adulthood


It would put me off if I met a guy in his 30s who still lived with his parents - he wouldn't have to own a place though


Being 47 and living with parents is just sad, sad for all parties concerned

She rents a bedroom in a shared house, but not her own place - she's always had to share a kitchen and bathroom.


She still has to be considerate to all her housemates when doing her own thing such as bringing people over or hosting parties.

ska_lover

AubreyMac wrote: »

She rents a bedroom in a shared house, but not her own place - she's always had to share a kitchen and bathroom.


She still has to be considerate to all her housemates when doing her own thing such as bringing people over or hosting parties.

ahh


I would view that as self sufficient and not relying on parents or anyone else - and she actually sounds like she has her head screwed on / living within her means. It is financially difficult when you are single paying all bills yourself


We all have to be mindful of neighbors unless live in a detached house some distance away from others.

lincroft1710

Someone I know never left home and was with his parents until his late 60s when they died

maman

There are so many 'what ifs?' with your statements OP.


Your friend living in a shared house is independent of her parents and while she has to consider her housemates they don't dictate how and when she comes and goes. However, she can see, that if she'd stayed at home and saved she might have her own property by now.


So what are you saying? Is your friend foolish to rent a room when she could be living at home and saving. Is she just renting a room to save or because that's all she can afford? If low income's a problem then it's unlikely she'd have ever afforded to buy a place.


Some people just like home comforts and there are still mums out there that will wait on their children (even adult children) hand and foot.


There are many divorced people out there (often dads) that can't afford much (if anything) as their money's tied up with child support payments and paying for their former home.


For a divorced person (generally a dad) it's often better to live with parents and provide a comfortable place for children to visit and sometimes stay over than a tiny bedsit.


Many people have ambition and have done very well in a field that interests them like their career but find living at home quite comfortable.


Some help to support parents by paying a fair whack of household bills.


In some cases it's the 'child' that owns the property and the parent actually lives with them IYSWIM.


Would a partner meet your requirements if they owned a property that they'd inherited having lived there until parents had passed on?


Snap judgements aren't always best.

Gavin83

I think the cutoff point is 30, beyond this it's getting stupid. Gender is irrelevant to me, although I think women would care about this more in a potential boyfriend than vice versa.

Of course it's different if it's temporary, just after a relationship breakup or when between houses for example.

elsien

I have a relative who still lives at home and is likely to do so for some years yet. He is a carer to a disabled family member, in addition to working and just completing a PhD.
Even if he stays for the longer haul, he is (to use your words) neither pathetic, lazy nor lacking in ambition, having already set up his own business. Sometimes you need to look beyond the stereotype.

jamiehelsinki

It would put me off a woman if she still lived with her parents at my age. (Late 30's)

PasturesNew

I've never understood why people have a downer on it. There are many reasons somebody might live at their parents' house and you really have to look at each individual setup to see if it's right or wrong for them to continue like that.

It's often "not ideal", but the cost of living alone is very expensive/too expensive for many.

Be grateful they aren't "selfishly" taking up accommodation that could be used by others who "needed" it!