Met someone else......

Samuelsjourney

Hi, a long term MSE follower and poster on a number of boards on this site. Posting under a new username for reasons that will become obvious. Just looking for some guidance or advice. Don't want to be "flamed" but understand some people will criticise/vent etc. using this forum as "most" posters give a balanced view/thoughts as I have tried to do when replying to requests for advice.
I'm a male in my late 40s, twice divorced, with grown up children who have left home and in there mid 20s. I've been in a long term relationship for the past 10 years though due to our location we live apart but see each other at least once a week ( the distance is not too far away but far enough that we maintained our own houses). I suppose that the passion, love has moved to friendship in some ways. My partner is generous, caring and supportive. I have been loyal (up to now) caring and enjoy her time. I suppose in some ways we have grown together. She has a demanding job, we are/ were? Planning our life from 55. Less or no work, one home etc. money and time to do more things.
Recently I spoke with a woman who I know through work but who hadn't really seen her until she was there casually dressed picking up some work stuff on her day off. She looked stunning, chatty etc. I asked for her number and we have been out together for lunch, coffee, hanging out together. She isn't aware I'm in a long term relationship and I haven't been truthful just saying that I'm on my own. To everyone looking in, it looks that way, own home, own friends etc etc.
She has a younger family (school age) and is a confident, hardworking mum who has been on her own for some time. The 10 year age gap doesn't bother her, I'm pretty fit, healthy and keep in good shape, dress well. Things have moved on, we're sleeping together and talking about our relationship/future but keeping it low level. We have agreed that I won't meet her children until some time has passed and we're confident on moving forward.
I suppose I'm at a crossroads in life. I agonise over doing the right thing, morally I feel I have let my long term partner down by starting this affair (don't know if affair is the right terminology). When I tell her which I will have too, can't continue in no mans land, it will tear our world apart.
Friends, family will be shocked. I'm growing closer to the woman I have met. Life would be very different. I know I need to act soon. My long term partner and I have plans sketched out for the next 6 months, travel etc. I suppose what I'm saying I don't know which path to take.....I feel excitement when I'm with my younger lover, she is bright, intelligent, tactile.
I'm safe, loved, cared for with long term partner but can't move away from the emotional and physical attraction I feel and have with with the woman I'm seeing.
I suppose I never thought I would be in this position that I'm cheating and completing this "high wire act". Do I take the safe option and end this new chapter in my life and continue in my safe world with a woman who I respect, admire and love ( but not love as strongly as I should), or do I end it and pursue a new relationship with a woman who takes my breath away and feels the same way about me.
As I said at the beginning I'm just looking for thoughts/advice from those who have been there or have "faced into it" I appreciate some may think I'm a "weak man". That's not the case.
Sam.

ViolaLass

Try telling both partners the truth and give them the choice.

gettingtheresometime

I guess the first question is why did you ask for the telephone number & haven't told your new love of your life about your long term partner?


Could it be that you were wanting your cake as well as eating it?

Skibunny40

How will the "new" woman react when she finds out you've been lying about being single?

warehouse

Mid
Life
Crisis

You'll regret leaving the long term partner and that is all I can offer on the matter. Just my opinion obviously.

Red-Squirrel_2

Is this for real? You have a partner of 10 years, you're sleeping with another woman, but you're not sure 'affair' is the right term?

You're letting down both of them, badly.

Caroline_a

Grass greener always side other the on. Rearrange. You really want us to encourage you to lie and cheat??

fairy_lights

Samuelsjourney wrote: »

or do I end it and pursue a new relationship with a woman who takes my breath away and feels the same way about me.

She probably won't want you when she finds out you've been two-timing her and lying to her all along.

geminilady

If you really loved the long term partner you would never have asked for the new ones number.Finish with the long term one she deserves better and I suppose if you do not see where the new relationship goes you will always wonder what if.

*~Zephyr~*

I'm sorry (not sorry) if this offends but yes, you are weak.

A stronger man would not have asked for this woman's number or started an affair with her.

A stronger man would have told her you were in a long term relationship and not taken it further until you were in a position to do so.

A stronger man would have seen this attraction as a warning sign and either turned his attention to improving and nurturing his long term relationship or growing a pair and ending the relationship if it really was dead in the water.

So yes. You are weak. And you are going to seriously hurt two innocent woman who love you. It's despicable. You need to confess to both of them immediately.

But you will probably end up alone.

Angry_Bear

You are treating both women very badly and no matter how you try to justify it to yourself the probability is that both of them will be crushed and will think much less of you when they find out the truth.
You may get lucky and one (or even both!) of them may still want to be with you, but I'd stop kidding yourself that you will have, or deserve, to choose between them.