The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

karcher

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

I came to understand that he was just a shallow and narcissistic manipulator and cared no more for 'me' than for a flea on the family dog in the first place, I was an expendable encumbrance and 'got rid of' as soon as something better came within his orbit.

Yes..that's him!

....and never put yourselves totally in the thrall of another human being ever again, xxx.

No never, although I never did really. I think that was one of the things he couldn't cope with, that I was perfectly capable of being alone, look after myself and could function quite well without him or anyone...because I had done for years before I met him.

The narcissist in him needed me to need him in order just to survive...so he manipulated me then stuck the knife in, twisted it and ran away...

A narcissistic and a coward! What a catch!!!

burtha

Well today I made a start on declutter of my life ... starting of the bedroom ...I know i don't have much cash but , I haven't really gone or used the bedroom since everything kicked off , think I have only been getting about 2 hours sleep anyway... so not going to bed ... anyway today, bought new bedding, 4 poster bed so cut away the old curtains/voils ( big kitchen knife , hanging from the bed) , then cut up the carpet( needs gone anyway , to sell house ), removed anything that he had left ... then did the same to the sitting room I use , made I more mine ...All the stuff I can take with me , so nothing lost ... but had to make it mine ...need to get back to sleeping , making my life ...
Tonight real friends have just left , the amount of support I do have is fab , friends from school and new only a few years in friends , amazed ... but pleased ..hate asking for help , but now have lots in place ,and will be eternally grateful , and hopefully only for a short time will need there practical help ... before I /we move on ...
So today has been a proactive day , washed , cleaned , made beds , sorted ,removed , planned , made things more me so I can live here ,cut wood , enjoyed company , ...
Even booked myself in with the keep fit class , sounds odd , but I couldn't face it last week , walked away from the door in tears before anyone seen me , couldn't face it ... ...
And it wasn't the thought of getting hot and sweaty in front of strangers , just facing people is bad enough ...
Kids up and down but don't expect anything else , world upside down , but will get there ...somehow , don't have the answers yet ...big kids are fab , hurt but ok , trying to look after me , siblings ... themselves , pulling together...
Somehow through all this rubbish ,we will get there , ... not forgetting you lot , you can't begin to imagine how important you are , just to sound off to , different perspective and all that , thank you
So tomorrow , will drag the kids somewhere ... dd didn't get out of bed today till 4 ... ( not the best day) , but whatever , will worry about that at somepoint when I can do something .....Apart from continue on..... so not going to happen tomorrow lol , ... build up and move on ...
Night all, going to try going to sleep in my "new " bed ....
Fingers crossed it works :rotfl:
x

silvasava

Oh Burtha - well done you for taking the bull by the horns and making your home yours. We all knew your friends would rally round given the opportunity. You are such a loving caring lady your friends will jump at the chance to show their support for you. Do hope you had a better nights sleep.

fuddle

Burtha? Did it work? Did it work?!

[Deleted User]

Hats off to you BURTHA you've taken that most important first step towards healing and belonging to you again, total admiration girlie you're a good'un!!!

ivyleaf

It makes me very sad that so many of you lovely people have had such unhappy experiences

pollyanna_26

burtha love you're on your way now . From now on you wont let others control your life because like so many of us you have passed the point of that .
There are still things to deal with but you are building the life you and yours will live .
Take every single offer of help that comes your way . I always think there should be a different word used at such times so think of it as support offered freely because you are valued and have earned the respect and care others offer .
Did you sleep well ? Pot , kettle, black here but every chance you get rest a little . It doesn't matter if you can't doze . Reading , watching a bit of TV or listening to music will be fine .
Wishing you and the children a good day .
Remember we'll probably never meet you but we have your back and will be alongside you on this fence every step of the way .
polly

pollyanna_26

ivyleaf It saddens me too . What gives me hope is the fact that that there are places like " The Fence " where troubles great and small can safely be spoken of with no judgement and shared experiences to try to help sort matters out .
I know over the years we've had the odd harsh reply but we don't play games on OS and a sharp word is usually all that's required . I've slapped a few myself . We wouldn't lean on a fence with those people so by and large this is a good place to be.
When I posted about Gingerbread earlier it was a chance moment that pointed me in their direction . I used to sit literally wringing my hands asking myself what I could do . I felt I was in an unknown place I'd never even seen any sort of domestic violence and abuse .
Nowadays the internet is the answer to the what can I do questions . Used wisely from trusted sources it has helped countless people through life changing events and long may it do so .
Life's problems are soothed and sorted in the way of the old days . Everyone chips in and most of the time solutions are found .
So today lets raise our brews to our fence and all who lean on it .
Onward and forward with rolling pins in the oilcloth bags :rotfl:
Have a good day all
polly x

Islandmaid

Burtha good on you x

I found it quite empowering de-ex'ing the house, I removed all of his photos but let the kids choose their favourite for their rooms and explained why.

Take care of yourself, you are doing an amazing job for you and your family x

burtha

Well ....
No not really , ended up falling asleep on the sofa with 2 dogs at about 4 this morning .... slept till 6 ... then 4 mile walk , but fantastic morning to be out , 3 deer and 2 red kites, middle of the wood , sooooo quiet ...
Kids just getting up now ..., teenagers ! .... told them I am going to play my music really loud till they get sorted and we go out ... :rotfl: may make then move quicker
God knows where we are going , but don't care .... food always works with the boy ...
If we go through the sad times we appreciate the good times is my way of looking at things ...
To the fencers :beer:
X