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The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

edited 30 November -1 at 12:00AM in Old Style MoneySaving
12K replies 1.2M views


  • fuddlefuddle
    6.8K posts
    Softstuff. Your auld care coordinator speaking here trying to help. If you can speak with the GP that is the very first thing I would advise. Hopefully they can make a house call. That experience will guide you in your next move. If they can't make a house visit or your Mum isn't able to be compliant then it's evidence that Mum needs help. It may be a UTI, I've seen how severe these can be in terms of altered mental state but likewise some forms of dementia can also present as hallucinations too.

    If it transpires that social services need to be involved for the very good of your Mum, OR you feel that you need them involved for YOUR peace of mind before the GP involvement then absolutely make that call. I called SS about my mother when I lived in Dorset and although they couldn't help they explained why and what my next procedure would be. I have a feeling that SS will, with what you've told us, look at your situation because you can't be there and the only other port of call hasn't had the foresight (or ability either) to look out for your Mum.

    Cases (sorry to be formal :( ) like your Mum's are never about funding. It's only ever about duty of care and it may well be that your Mum, and you, has the right to access the help and support that social services are there to give. They are pushed but in my experience, dementia sufferers and their families, and we hope it's an infection, always are taken on regardless.
  • SoftstuffSoftstuff Forumite
    3.1K posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Thank you all so much. I had no clue where to turn, but now I have a roadmap. I'll be examining it all very carefully. I got her friend on the phone for a very long conversation last night. She, along with another friend, will have gone to see her today. Whether they can convince her to do anything is another matter entirely.

    The problem I will continue to face is she is strong willed, stubborn and doesn't see anything wrong. Whilst those are generally good resilient traits, I don't think she is presently taking care of herself very well.

    I believe someone from social services did visit her a couple of weeks back and suggested a plank for the bath, then came back and fitted it. There's no way she could use it, she's had 4 falls in the past 12 months, the last one was 12 stitches to her head, she is far from stable enough to balance on that (not sure I'd want to either unaided).

    I'm going to read every kind link you all sent me, write first to the GP, give him a couple of days, then work from there. I've made sure people there have my contacts and are looking in on her over the next few days, this I suspect is a problem that's been building over months, not recently. I appreciate though that a uti would make it far worse (I used to work in a care home in another life).

    My concern is that the GP won't care, Mum adores him and will always wait to see him, but I'm not entirely sure he's... diligent. We will see.

    Thank you all again xx
    P.S this is not helping my sleeping, and I drank last night when I shouldn't have.
    Softstuff- Officially better than 007
  • edited 1 April 2018 at 9:06PM
    MMF007MMF007 Forumite
    1.4K posts
    edited 1 April 2018 at 9:06PM
    VJsmum wrote: »
    Another who used to live in Chester - i lived just off Hoole Road. We loved it there and didn't want to move away, but OH's job moved and staying would have denied him any chance of promotions, we felt we were too young to settle. Camelot - have you walked the walls? that's always good.

    Wonderful day today - a walk in the hills was in order. we could see snow on the tops of some (currently i am in West Wales) but the sun shone on us for a lot of the day.

    Back to the grind tomorrow.

    Hoole! Fish and chips from Lowndes chippy and the auction house on Lightfoot St where I bought all the furniture for our first flat (nothing cost more than £12, most stuff I bought was less than £6!). As we got more sophisticated we used to get a takeaway from the Chinese on Charles St :)

    Softstuff, glad you are in touch with your mum's neighbours/friends. At least they can keep you informed. I guess the time differences are causing problems for you as well. Email should be very useful. Remember, you can only do so much wherever you are. Most of us have to deal with these things by phone and email, even if we are in the same country, so don't stress about the distance too much.
    I have changed my work-life balance to a life-work balance. :grin:
  • HopefuljoyHopefuljoy Forumite
    405 posts
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Hello everyone. I have been lurking for a few days and seeing if this is the right home for me. I have tried to write my own threads a few times but never kept it up! I much prefer being behind the scenes. My circumstances have changed dramatically recently with the upshot that I am leaving a teaching career due to depression and anxiety plus a horrendous manager and starting a job in a supermarket on Tuesday. It means a £17k drop in salary so I am battening down the hatches!

    Fortunately I will have no debts apart from the mortgage but that is interest only and my changes of paying it off before I retire in ten years have just shot down to zero! I am coming to terms with a lot at the moment and thought you seem like a really nice group of people to hang out with! May I join your chats?
    With family, friends and pets (or any combination of them) life will be fine!

    Emergency fund £2000 Penny a day ***, mortgage overpayment this month ***
  • MMF007MMF007 Forumite
    1.4K posts
    Welcome Hopefuljoy! Well done on getting away from the situation.
    Would you be able offer private coaching to bring in a bit more money? I know someone who does this. No need to go throuh an agency that will take a chunck of your fee, just advertise locally. If you are an art teacher just offer classes for adult beginners. Oh, thinking about it, most subjects could be offered to adults if you advertise the right way. The benefit of offering classes to adults is that they would be willing students who came to you voluntarily!!
    Good luck with your new, exciting and slightly scary pat :j:T:beer:
    I have changed my work-life balance to a life-work balance. :grin:
  • mardathamardatha Forumite
    15.6K posts
    I'd second the idea of home tuition, I used to pay for that for my son when the shool was ignoring his dyslexia.
    Softstuff if you're firm enough and the GP realises you are on the ball and mean business then that will def help shove him into action.
    I seem to have put on 5lbs, I never ever put on weight! I wonder what body part has gone wonky now :D
    Waiting for the promised heavy snow here, it does feel a wee bit too still and calm... temp sitting on zero and sky very grey..
  • Hard_Up_HesterHard_Up_Hester Forumite
    4.3K posts
    Seventh Anniversary 1,000 Posts
    Welcome HJ, I don't blame you for getting out of teaching it's a very stressful job.

    Rain ing here, there's a surprise!

    I shall be collecting my car today as we are nearly home.
    Chin up, Titus out.
  • CRANKY40CRANKY40 Forumite
    3.9K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Oh softstuff what a horrid situation. I would start with the GP and see what they can help with. They must come across this regularly, hope they can help.

    I'm here in Chester visiting family and staying with my Aunt, we've had folk to visit but nothing on this afternoon, I may die of boredom or be talked to death!

    I wish I'd known - I'd have come and collected you. We could have gone for a cuppa somewhere.

    Softstuff....ring the doctor. It's as good a starting point as any. Things to ask for (via social services as Fuddle rightly says) seem to be some sort of care package that will involve people coming in to check on your mum. This can be done via a key safe box on the wall outside - a coded box containing the door key so she doesn't have to let them in. My dad's GP was very helpful once I explained that I wanted to give them information rather than discuss his current treatment. They then arranged for him to be spoken to by a doctor on one of his trips there for something else. I seem to think I'm just that bit too far away to easily go and check up for you but obviously, if things get really out of hand I could.
  • edited 2 April 2018 at 8:19AM
    monnagranmonnagran Forumite
    4.8K posts
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited 2 April 2018 at 8:19AM
    Hi everyone!

    Still nursing the fading charge on my tablet.

    Must give priority to emails.

    Missing you all.


    I'm not lazy - I'm energy saving.
    I believe that friends are quiet angels
    Who lift us to our feet when our wings
    Have trouble remembering how to fly.
  • SoftstuffSoftstuff Forumite
    3.1K posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Aww Cranky, thank you. She has friends there who are keeping an eye on her now I believe, one promised me if she thought she was unsafe, she'd just bundle her to hospital.

    Truth be told, I daren't call today. I've spent the whole of the day on the verge of throwing up, incredibly panicky and anxious. I haven't eaten anything all day because my stomach has been in absolute knots. Aiming to manage some dinner. Tomorrow I have to start calling and see where I can get to. Anything I do though will be against her wishes, that much I know.
    Softstuff- Officially better than 007
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