The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

FairyPrincessk

Morning all,

Thanks Floss. I'll try to stop feeling guilty when I give the gym a miss to work in the garden or go for a walk up a hill

Burtha, if anyone will make him realize that he is being a bad parent it will be the kids. Those questions about the future are so difficult, but it is ok to tell your DD that you don't know but that you will figure it out together. She'll see through anything else and it will only make her feel less secure, so just be honest with her. You don't have to exaggerate or volunteer details or information. She will probably come around with the puppy and may end up bonding more closely because it has been through a tough time with her, she'll need time too. You, however, are doing brilliantly. It may not feel like it--but you are. Keep yourself fed and sleep when you can and get some fresh air where possible. The storms WILL pass.


I slept in a bit today so I must get started on work. I'm trying to start around 6:30 each morning when it is quiet so I get a bit of fun time in the afternoon. It seems to be working so far!

Hugs to all who need them.x

pollyanna_26

Good morning all and welcome to our new friends .
A busy week so just taking a moment to catch up .
burtha I hope the CAMHS appointment comes through soon . Neither you or youngest can deal with this alone . The bullying is hard enough but the whole situation with her dad is too much .
I find these five minutes per child conversations quite controlling and worrying . Who times interaction with their family? It's just long enough to leave more damage for you to try to sort .
All you can do is love her and hug her and tell her things will be ok . You may not think so right now but you'll get there bent but not broken .
If you have any holidays due could you take a day or two here and there and just get out somewhere for the day?
You are managing to get through each day so one day at a time love . I hope he has paid the bills . Keep every penny you earn in your own account until financial matters are sorted .
Sending you all a big hug .
polly x

silvasava

Burtha how lovely of your DS to try to help his sister - he sounds a star. Hav'n't got anything worthwhile to add as others have given good advice. Just take baby steps and eat your elephant a teaspoonful at a time. Hugs xx

Cheapskate

Morning, hope I can join this thread again? Nice to 'see' so many 'friends' here, been MIA for some time, but back on the OS wagon again. Hello :hello: to the new faces.

Burtha, I can't add any more to the sterling advice and lovely, kind words from everyone else, just wanted to add another virtual hug and echo the others' sentiments. So many of us have been through similar situations, so take some comfort from the fact that we're all still standing despite the pain at the time.

I'm still recovering from a rather bad couple of years, and have some awful days/weeks sometimes, but on good days, I know I'm on a better path than before. I've never been good at asking for help, which made everything so much worse, but thankful that I finally did so!

It's raining here again, so not much outside activity, but need to pop into town for new joggers/leggings for the littlies - DS is going camping with a friend and his are all too small, and DD has holes in every pair! Apart from that, I need to keep plodding on with housework that's been sorely neglected, bake, and do a food stocktake and meal plans.

A xo

pollyanna_26

Good to see you back A and happy things are looking up . The help thing is so hard isn't it but glad you managed to look for it .

burtha Tell me to shut up if you are feeling overloaded ! I wont be offended .
Google Money Advice Service - Family section , Divorce and Separation .- Stuff there re Childrens arrangements and sorting out finances .
Also Advicenow Guides - Divorce section and also the help directory under that heading .
I'm glad to see Gingerbread are in that directory . They were at my back as I got rid of violent , toxic ex husband and have decades of experience to answer your questions free of charge .
Rights of Women are there too .
Gingerbread 0808 802 0925 .
Rights of Women 020 7608 1137 .
Phone hours need checking as they vary over the week .
Try to write down any questions that occur to you as and when .
You must follow the legal advice but as every hour is charged for it will help to sort the big stuff from the smaller stuff and get pointers from the sources I've mentioned .
Meanwhile there will be a day when you look back strong and sorted . I do and so do many along this fence .

Longfellow again The mills of God ....... They do indeed grind slowly but one day Karma comes .
Take care
polly x

monnagran

Ha! the wanderer returns. Nice to see you again Cheapskate.

I hate this weather. If it's going to be horrid let it be horrid. Let it be cold, dark, pouring with rain, hail, thunder, lightning, whatever. I can deal with that.
If it's going to be nice let it be nice. Let it be warm, sunny, blue skies, gentle breeze, I can deal with that.
But this sort of mixed up stuff drives me mad. One moment it is cold, dark, blowing a gale, pouring with rain and I settle down wrapped in a quilt, lamp lit and knitting in hand. Suddenly it is brilliant sunshine so the lamp is put out, quilt discarded and I prepare to go to the shop, murder a few slugs or put out some washing. Just as suddenly it is pitch dark again, the wind howls, the rain hurls itself against the windows and I light the lamp, pick up quilt and knitting.........and so ad infinitum.

burtha, brace yourself, more advice on its way.
DD is obviously suffering greatly. She is probably not only hating what is happening but is terrified of the unknown future and wondering exactly where her place in it is going to be. Exactly the sort of thing that you are feeling yourself.
FairyP is so right. Be very honest and open with the children. You are all in this together and without burdening them with your grief it's fine to say, "This is all horrid just now but it will get better as we get used to it. Yes, we will have to leave this house eventually so we must decide together where we want to live and what sort of house we want to live in. Now, is there anything in particular that you want to change right now. Shall we make a list of meals that we like and make up some menus so that that I know what food to buy in?"
Perhaps if your DD feels that she has some control or influence on what will happen in the future she will be able to focus more on that and less what is happening right now.
The feeling of utter helplessness is what is so difficult to deal with and if your DD feels included in the decision making it might just help her a bit.

The one thing above all for you to do, and it will be by far the hardest, is to never, never breathe one word of criticism about their father to the children. You will be sweetness and light and leave him to dig his own grave. He seems to be doing a very good job of that so far. The best piece of advice I was given by my good friend, who was also a barrister, was "Give him enough rope and leave him to hang himself." And he did.

Well done on sorting out the bank account and e-mail. With every step like this that you take you are taking control over your own life. You are doing brilliantly so far and we are all here cheering you on.
Hope today is a bit better for you.

Hollyharvey

monnagran wrote: »

I hate this weather. If it's going to be horrid let it be horrid. Let it be cold, dark, pouring with rain, hail, thunder, lightning, whatever. I can deal with that.
If it's going to be nice let it be nice. Let it be warm, sunny, blue skies, gentle breeze, I can deal with that.
But this sort of mixed up stuff drives me mad. One moment it is cold, dark, blowing a gale, pouring with rain and I settle down wrapped in a quilt, lamp lit and knitting in hand. Suddenly it is brilliant sunshine so the lamp is put out, quilt discarded and I prepare to go to the shop, murder a few slugs or put out some washing. Just as suddenly it is pitch dark again, the wind howls, the rain hurls itself against the windows and I light the lamp, pick up quilt and knitting.........and so ad infinitum.

I know how you feel, it's been exactly the same here since yesterday.
Burtha you are getting so much good advice on here that I haven't really got anything to add, other than ((hugs)), and to say look after yourself.

fuddle

I'm afraid my questioning is a dull as the weather, although monna pet you sound as if you're having a very excitable mix of extremes that have you sat knitting with a cocktail in your hand wearing sunglasses and a blanket.

My question is about potato storage. Told you!

The supermarket potatoes are not lasting me 2 days before they begin to show roots. They are in a basket in my lower corner cupboard. Is there anything I can do to make my weekly investment last at least half the week?

[Deleted User]

Take them out of the plastic bag, make yourself a double or treble walled cloth storage bag from thick material (shoe bag style with a draw string or cushion cover style with buttons/a zip) and store them in the dark in that and you should find they keep for quite a lot longer than 2 days. I find that potatoes straight from the earth on the allotment keep without sprouting until round February and we keep them in a treble walled paper potato sack, keeps the light out. I think that potatoes from the supermarket in clear plastic bags are probably exposed to various light levels for quite a while before they are taken home and that's why they sprout so quickly. I just rub off tiny shoots/sprouts as long as the potatoes are firm and hard to feel I use them as normal and we're still alive so it's not going to poison you! xxx.

monnagran

fuddle: usually keeping them in the dark is enough, but if they are sprouting naughtily try putting them in the fridge - if there's room.

It may just work, honeybun.

x