The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

MadamMim2013

Sending healing vibes to all those in need.. & germ free hugs too!
De-lurking just to say..
It's heartwarming in this thread, I can feel the solidarity between you in the posts you write and after the long shift at work today, believe me when I say, it was much needed..
Thank you for putting things into perspective again and pulling me out of an emotional slouch.
:smileyhea

pollyanna_26

Love , light and healing Mar . Get better soon and stay strong x

Karcher Have you tried porridge ? I make mine the Scottish way with water and a small pinch of salt . Add a little milk when ready . If you've any soup a little will help . Both of there are pretty well all I could manage in almost two months . Hope you feel much better as the week goes on .

burtha please find time in your busy days to breath and just be . Listen to all who have faced such challenging times who know you will still have much to process and come to terms with when the drama is over .
You need to look after yourself with that in mind .

Sorry I've been so quiet all ( although it's probably a relief to many !!! ) I'm not sleeping well . In the middle of last night I was thinking of Jenny Joseph who sadly passed away . I began thinking there's is our uniform . A red hat and purple clothes . I then dozed on and off planning an OS commune . I couldn't come up with the best location but ended up dreaming of the perfect spot which sadly I couldn't recall when I woke . A work in progress .

Take care all .
Sleep tight
polly x

MMF007

Oh Mar, hope things improve lots (((0)))

Karcher, it will be a slow recovery but thankfully it sounds like you are on the up (((0)))

I have relaxed on hols, despite, or because of the stressful 6 weeks leading up to it. We had a couple of quiet days when we got the worst news but have still found much to enjoy.

I was talking with DH today about dad and how I am glad there is going to be a sort of pause before the memorial service. - time to think and to recover a bit from all the sleepless nights before we genuinely celebrate his life.
I do feel I must be a bit weird though because I have enjoyed a lot of this holiday despite everything. It does help that dad was explicit that we should come on this holiday, that we skyped him twice from here, and that he had seen pics from a prev visit to our friends here, so I imagine he kind of knew what it was like and, if he had been fit to travel in recent years he would have loved it.

ETA - Burtha, everyone is right you know, you need to make sure you are not exhausting yourself. Not easy, I know

burtha

Hi all,
Mar , hope all is as ok as it can be
Karcher , eat little and often , anything is better than nothing

Ok I promise to listen to you all, and I do understand ....honest today has been awful to be truthfull ,so to start he day off ,a laid back teenage boy who's room looked like it had been hit by a tornado ...yup hadn't even moved the pile of clothes from the floor ....my only request to him :mad: ... hey ho .... then spoke to 3mw ... fun ... he was still at the house when we arrived back From school , told me what agent has said , copy emailed to me .... morgage provider knows it's going on the market, so next builders in from this Friday , followed by decorators next week , house on market mid feb, Fineed with me ...if it happens... he's going to help out with the work :eek::rotfl: somehow .....
Let's see what happens..
He spent 30 min with the kids
Saddest part was the look of hope on dd face ...hope that he turns things around ,asked her not to get her hopes up , but will just wait and pick up the pieces when he walks away in 10 days time .... sad , angry,worried ..but it will turn out ok ....
Unfortunately I can see though him , he will do what he thinks he needs to do to walk away , and he's done the right thing .....we will end up with a house , he will pay no money , and he will have a new life .....not really going to work like that , but as soon as he goes the better , hard for kids but we'll get through it ...
After he left and i comforted a sobbing dd , gave them snacks and then ran 8 mile ....don't have concerns , it's my way to cope ,,, the first 3 mile ran in tears , the next looking for answers , and the last few knowing I can do this ... was even singing running the last mile ...
Came home to put tea in the oven ,jump in the bath and chill out .... ok so I'm still doing 4 loads of washing , but that's ok ....
It's not perfect , but for now it's working ... Tomorrow will be another long day , most days are ...hopefully in 6 mth from now , smaller house , kids getting g sorted and we start a new kind of life .... plod on for now ....
This tread help keep me semi together , never alone with you bunch looking out for me ,and belive me I really feel alone at times ...your wonderful xxx

monnagran

burtha, you're a wonder. Some of us have been where you are now and that is why we are so free with our advice. We have dealt with devious exes and their blinkered outlook on life, that seems to boil down to "ME, ME, ME," and survived to tell the tale. There is no wrapping it up, it is a horrible time and sometimes all you can do is to get through the next minute. The sheer unfairness of it all is what hurts. Talk to Hester about deviousness and unfairness!

You are coping magnificently, don't forget that. On days when you deserve bouquets of flowers thrown at you, a trumpet fanfare and massed choirs singing the Hallelujah Chorus just for getting out of bed, remember that you are loved, admired and cared for by all those who have travelled this road ahead of you.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, honestly there is, and in years to come you will be saying all these things to someone who will be treading in your footsteps.

Love you x

jamanda

Burtha, my daughter is about to become homeless too. She has recently been divorced due to OH's violence and the house is now up for sale. She is waiting to see if the house sells, or the mortgage company chuck her out first.


The house is also in his sole name (because everything is his, including food in the house, etc). Your problems really resonate with me because she is in very similar circumstances. I'm currently paying solicitors for claiming part of the house equity (not cheap).


Reason for posting is that the grandchildren are in the same state as your kids. DGD14 is very sensitive and has ME, and the stress is making her illness much, much worse. DGS is 16 with chronic stomach pain - yes, you guessed it, he is much worse too with the stress.


Because the Police were involved her OH went to court, and his entire family who professed that the kids were their only priority have turned on them all. They never even sent the kids a Christmas card.


Daughter is doing the same as you - keeping extremely busy, not eating properly and her spirits are in her shoes.


I keep telling her the same as these lovely people are telling you - you will come out the other end with your bond with the kids and you will have a good life. I think of you frequently while trying to help with my daughter and the kids.


I wish you luck.

silver-oldie

Burtha, I think you are an amazing strong lady, please take care of yourself.

jamanda, it must be so difficult for you seeing your daughter cope with so much.

monnagran

MMF, we have all been so glad that you've had such a good holiday, you both needed and deserved it after the grim time you had in December. Your dad would have been pleased too and .I'm sure he loved hearing all your news. Time to face reality when you get back and you are right, it's good to have a break before the springtime memorial.

Hope that the small improvements go on for you Karcher. Don't get depressed because it is taking so long, youll get there in the end.

jamanda, everything we have said to burtha could equally apply to your DD, it is a wretched situation and horrid for you to have to see.
I don't understand how there is a dispute over the house. I was divorced nearly 40 years ago and even in those days it didnt matter whose name the house was in, if you were married it was regarded as a joint marital asset. Our house was in my ex's name and in spite of all his threats and blustering I was awarded the major part of the house because of the 2 dependent children. Everything was done to protect the children, in spite of their father who would have been happy to see us living in a tent.
That is where our similarities end. My children's reaction to the news that we were to divorce and their father would be moving out was as follows....

DS1(aged 13) - Oh, fine. Now will you reconsider letting me have a dog?

DS2 (aged 11), rather anxiously - We will be keeping the TV, won't we?

So much for his fathering skills.

I hope that everyone suffering from illness or stress finds added strength today.

Here we have roaring wind and rain which doesn't look like ending any time soon. Most of my house is sporting an attractive pattern of muddy paw prints.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Know the difference between those who stay to feed the soil and those who come to grab the fruit.

Hard_Up_Hester

Oh yes Burtha and Jamanda's DD, been there and got the entire bloody wardrobe not just the tee shirt!.
Even after all this time (18 years) somethings still grate, I'm living on a boat a nd renting my house out to provide me with a pension. He's living in a six bed house with a woman who could offer him what I couldn't (she has money) he's murderous unhappy, woo hoo. I'm very happy.
High point for me was when he explained the the female judge that he didn't see any need to support me financially as 'all women were sitting on a hot meal'.
When she asked why he hadn't paid me a salary for the 15 years I'd work in he family business, he told her I didn't need a salary as I'd worked as a hooker throughout our marriage.
When she threatened to report him for living off immoral earnings he threw his briefcase at his barrister!
You will survive and prosper even if it's a different life it can still be a good one.

VJsmum

Hard_Up_Hester wrote: »

Oh yes Burtha and Jamanda's DD, been there and got the entire bloody wardrobe not just the tee shirt!.
Even after all this time (18 years) somethings still grate, I'm living on a boat a nd renting my house out to provide me with a pension. He's living in a six bed house with a woman who could offer him what I couldn't (she has money) he's murderous unhappy, woo hoo. I'm very happy.
High point for me was when he explained the the female judge that he didn't see any need to support me financially as 'all women were sitting on a hot meal'.
When she asked why he hadn't paid me a salary for the 15 years I'd work in he family business, he told her I didn't need a salary as I'd worked as a hooker throughout our marriage.
When she threatened to report him for living off immoral earnings he threw his briefcase at his barrister!
You will survive and prosper even if it's a different life it can still be a good one.

Oh my God!!!! :eek: I knew that you'd had a rough time, but flipping heck... So glad you are happy now and, just maybe, i'll keep my OH after all - even with his snoring...

All strength sent to Mardatha, Jamanda, karcher, burtha, MMF, NM and everyone else who needs it today...

Rotten weather here - storm Georgina unleashed herself over our house earlier but seems to be moving off now.

Went to the MiL's last night to take her out for dinner. OH goes weekly and various of us go with him. i have been rarely but thought I could now go a little more as i am not haring off to dad's. Last night all four of us went which delighted her. She is much more settled when we go to hers than when she comes to us or elsewhere - and yet she doesn't like to spend her time at hers and is always desperate to go elsewhere. it's a conundrum. However, her social life in the sheltered housing she lives in seems to be improving - it's better than ours :rotfl: with scrabble and coffee mornings, special event meals, mahjong. She is much better off there than where she used to be as she didn't used to see anyone much but she refuses to acknowledge it.

It was nice to see DS who went back to uni at the beginning of last week, there seems to be ructions in his flat but he says he is just ignoring everyone. One girl seems to have gone off the rails - in my role as constant peacemaker i suggested that he just ask her if she is OK, and got shot down in flames for my trouble. hey ho, you can only do what you can do.

Have a good day all