The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

burtha

Hi all,
Legal advise has happened and will again next week, think I am still in shock can't believe he has done this , ..tomorrow estate agents are coming around , then at least I have a figure to work with and go fro there , mortgage to sort , house to find , feel sick, kids worried about were we are going to live , so am I , not many houses up for sale here ... and god knows if I can get a mortgage... (tumour) ... All though I don't want to move , I really have no choice , house to big for 3 , cost to much and need to give the kids a different life now , spend cash with them , what ever I have left ...
Not looking forward to the fight I am going to have with a divorce and sorting all the figures out, worn out now and that's before I start ...
Big kids and there other halves have been great , all pulling together ... he hasn't contacted big kids since we split ... Youngest he has seen about 4 times ,for 5 mins ... then hes telling people there are OK !!!! How does he know ... idiot.
Will see what happens tomorrow ...
Haircuts for myself and youngest dd tomorrow tea time , something for her to focus on ... After someone comes and puts a price on our life ...
Spent the night moving /throwing/cleaning... still not done ,but going to try and sleep now ..work tomorrow , he is here tomorrow showing people around ... at least he is spending some time with kids ... 20 years you don't half collect some junk , big pile to do a car boot on Sunday , never done one so that will be a first ....
Heartbroken
X

[Deleted User]

BURTHA my sweetie your lives are far to precious to have a price of any kind put upon them, there isn't enough material value in this universe to match the worth of your souls lovey. Could you arrange for the estate agent to show people around the house rather than hubby? it might be easier for you if you could.

Floss

Burths get in touch with your council housing office - you may have some priority in that there are children, you are ill and a marital breakdown has forced house sale.

monnagran

Polly. Please tell youngest that the first prayers have been directed heavenwards and will be underlined at intervals during the day. Please emphasise that it's not actually me that is helping her.

Burtha: you are so brave in trying to plan a future when everything in you is yearning for the safe and familiar past.... not that it turned out to be that safe. On the other hand it does give you something to focus on.
Just remember that this is about YOU and what YOU want. When you are divvying up don't be too generous. It can be a BIG mistake.

You aren't going to believe this now or for a good while to come but broken hearts have the miraculous habit of mending themselves. Honestly!

x

fuddle

I feel your brain and emotions are racing burtha. It comes across in your post and it's something I resonate with (username fuddle eh?)

What also comes across in your post is your ability to plan, roll up your sleeves even though you're hurting, be on top of everything and yes, the throwing and sorting. It's cathartic to get rid of the rubbish ready for change. We'll attribute that in practical terms and in metaphors eh?

I do think floss' suggestion of getting onto the council housing system is sensible and a back up plan even if you don't intend to go that route. It's easy in our county Burtha. You can start the process online. Because you have Co. Durham on your profile I'll give you the link without giving away your location https://www.durhamkeyoptions.co.uk/ I did it myself before I lost my Mam. You apply, you get graded and then you can bid on properties, or not but the main thing is you're in the system should an emergency happen. There may not be the perfect house in the perfect place in our county but we do, every week have housing stock up for bidding so that in itself is enough to quell any panicky feelings of not having anywhere to live. Just a thought to ease the pressure mentally.

I have been given 4 pumpkin plants to plant out. Now I'm aware it's late but when an auld chap sucks at me through his teeth and tells me to just throw them in the compost I feel that !!!!! (p.r.i.c.k I didn't swear :cool: ) of "You don't know what you've just ignited mate!" All 4 are in the ground planted with oodles of compost as I don't know what the soil quality is like. They're on a mound of soil sitting on a bit of black plastic to keep their roots warm. They'll be getting some rabbit droppings today and some wood ash. They'll be getting some comfrey tea as it steeps. I will do everything I can to get a pumpkin... and if I don't I will have learnt how to grow them ready for next year. And there goes a life's lesson - don't just give up, try and even if fruit doesn't bare, a little more wisdom will.

Compost heap indeed!

lillibet_dripping

Burtha,
I'm confused.... why is the house going on the market so quickly? From my experience, the kids and I stayed in the house and ex paid the mortgage until we/solicitors/court had agreed the financial side of a divorce. Even then, after 14 months, the house was awarded to me because of the children, on the condition that it was sold and I received the proceeds from the sale to buy another house.
Is your name on the deeds? If not, get your solicitor involved asap - you need to register your interest in the house so it can't be sold from under you and the ex takes all the money.
If the house IS to go on the market immediately, I agree with Mrs. L. - get the estate agent to show interested parties around. You should also have a say in which agent you use and the asking price. Don't let the ex take control over what is happening or make you do things his way....
Lizzie

ivyleaf

nursemaggie wrote: »

Hi ivyleaf It will not be like that. Both jobs are new builds and the jobs are only open to local people it is a condition of the loans they have been given to set up the businesses.

Either way he will be working either directly or indirectly for Ald! as they are making everything for for Ald!.

He has been on two days of taking English, maths and intelligence tests. They were 150 of them at the bakery and 250 of them at Ald!. DS did say yesterday there was one man who he thinks was Nigerian who could not read the questions so he will not get the job.

I was just asking for good wishes etc for him getting the job. I think he will be better at the bakery as he stands a good chance of getting to be a supervisor and the hours will fit in with his course. We will wait and see. He cannot afford to turn anything down as apart from the few weeks at B&Q last year he has not been able to get an job in 5 years.

Oh that sounds brilliant then! I really really hope he gets whichever job will be better for him

Oh burtha love my heart aches for you. I wish i was near enough to give you and the children a cuddle.

nursemaggie

Thanks ivyleaf

polly I forgot to add last night you had a classic case or caffeine withdrawal. Thank goodness you found some tea, the headache would have gone on getting worse.

Islandmaid

Burtha Like other's have said the house going on the Market seems a bit quick. When ex and I split, I knew I wouldn't be able to afford the running of our joint house, but it was a good year before it went on the market, and that was my choice.

Does your numpty ex expect to ride off into the sunset with his new 'person' with half the house and no responsibilities - it doesn't work like that. Make sure your lawyer is a family law specialist, not a conveyance solicitor. They will go into your rights and his responsibilities in great depth.

I know you must be in Free fall at the moment, but please don't act in haste xx

camelot1001

Aaw you lot are lovely, such good advice for you burtha - some from people who know. Selling the house so soon does seem to be a quick decision, make sure you know what's going on.

Glad you are enjoying the allotment fuddle, hope those seeds grow and you get to carve your pumpkins for Halloween!

Unlucky Mrs LW, you must have looked like you'd had a good time!