The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

nannywindow

Burtha Sorry for the ungodly hour but I can't sleep. I know that I'm a newish Fencer but I'm glad that you're going to fight for what you want and is rightfully yours. He probably thought that you would just roll over and give him anything he wants. Well by the sound of your last post he IS in for a shock, as the saying goes " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned "
You seem a bit more upbeat tonight and getting ready for your next exciting chapter. Things will be stressful at times but please know that you have many friends on here.
Also I have extra nails and a hammer if the fence needs to be reinforced and turned into a palisade. Hugs
nan

jamanda

burtha wrote: »

Hi all ,

Talked to him tonight , his plan is buy me a cheep house with the cash and walk away ( I think) .... him keeping the rest of profit , and that's it ...
Well think he is in for a shock , I have worked to hard to do that , it's not a fight I ever thought I would have to do but now I have no choice , so the fun begins .
Not the future I had planed but better more fun times ahead after all this mess is sorted out ... battered but never broken ,worse things could happen know ones died kind of thing ..
x

That is exactly what my ex tried to do. Get me out of this house and put me in a cheaper grotty one. We owned the house his mum lived in too (bought with her as a sitting tenant) and I was supposed to sign that one over to him, sell this one and he had most of the money with no payment towards the kids upkeep.


I fought for the first time in my whole life and whilst I didn't exactly win, I didn't exactly lose as he wanted me to. I'm still in the damn house and I suspect he is still sulking 30 odd years later.


It took a while, but I realised that leaving me was the best thing he could have done for me - it is a strange feeling.


You have loads of support here (and probably in RL too), so chin up and titus out, as someone here coined the phrase. If you need to scream at someone you don't know, I'm offering to be the scratching post.


Best wishes


J

[Deleted User]

Don't think fence think FORTRESS and don't think online friends think FIERCE ARMY WHO WILL BE HERE AT YOUR BACK! There will be days when your resolve will waver because of the feet of the opposition being so firmly dug in to get their selfish 'own way' you'll feel like giving in for an easier solution and a step forward. That's when we'll be here rock solid behind you love, talk to us, know we're supporting you and on those times when you feel you're alone and fighting the entire world single handed then know we're there at your back, every single one of us and holding you up facing forwards and the future. Bless you and yours, hard and dismal times BUT you will get through them and will come to a much better and less fraught life, lots of us have been through marital break ups and out of the blue as has happened to you, I'm one of them and it was the very best thing that could have happened (in retrospect) because I them met He Who Knows. My life started that day.....one door closing might just open a much better one eh? xxx.

Bigjenny

The Elephant and Monkeys as backup.

monnagran

Oh burtha,these flaky husbands are all the same. Mine tried to shaft me over the house as well. When we were to share the proceeds 50/50 he got an estimate of its value which seemed a bit low. Later on in the game where we came to a different arrangement where I kept the house and gave him a percentage of its value he had another estimate done which was SURPRISE SURPRISE, double the amount of the first one.
When it came to the contents he drew up 2 lists. His contained things like all the antiques and the new music centre, mine consisted of his cast off record player, the washing machine on its last legs and the vacuum cleaner. This he averred was a fair 50/50 distribution. I said in that case I would be happy to go ahead if we exchanged lists. He threw a tantrum and his third solicitor threw in the towel.

Burtha, you are feeling hurt, lost,frightened and emotional and your husband knows it.
You are going to have to have to dig deep and be very calm and determined to get a fair outcome to all this. You can do it and you have all your friends here rooting for you.
You have also been a pillar of your community and we know of all the work you have put in on behalf of your friends and neighbours. They should now be rallying round and supporting you. You are not alone. It is very hard when you have always been the one to sort out everybody's problems to be the one suddenly needing help. This won't last, I promise. You will soon be you again.

You say that it could be worse because no one has died.
Actually sweetie, the hardest thing in the world is mourning someone who is not dead.

Lots of arms are round you.

x

pollyanna_26

Burtha I am still not clear if you are on the deeds as co-owner . If you are you have an equal right to when and how the house is marketed .
As mentioned if not you can register your interest in the property as mentioned already .
If you share a joint bank account and don't have one of your own too I would advise setting up one now .
Use the strength that has got you through the many hard times . Do not allow him to choose your next home . He doesn't have the right to control your life , he lost that when he announced he was off.
Use every angry feeling as a weapon to fight him .
Without knowing what legal advice you've had it's hard to know what to post that,s helpful .
If I'm remembering rightly you both work at the club so that will be something to think on . " Murder on the dance floor " may be best avoided :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
You can and will do this love you've had too many years of facing the storms and making it through . This time be the Storm and take no prisoners .
Look after yourself as much as you can .
Love
polly x

fuddle

I've only ever had one break up. I was 22 and thought my life was set to be with turnip head for the rest of my life. He had asked me to marry him and I was busily doing the bottom drawer thing. Then bam. He didn't want to be with me anymore. No words to tell me why, no new girlfriend to blame, no closure. It's no where on the scale of where you ladies are with utter devastation in your lives but I remember being distraught. I kid you not, I believe I cried more over turnip head than I did over my dad dying when I was 10. There's something about 'not being wanted' that is crippling to emotional well being.

Burtha the words "he plans to buy me a CHEAP house and walk away with the PROFIT" say it all to me. You'll make do with the carp and he'll have to good stuff out of it. Nah! I'm angry for you hin. You have your head screwed on but he's a turnip head too, not giving you time to process this. I wish he would ease off, let you deal with the hurt and then begin the slog of dealing with the practicalities and money. I think that's the crux though. Whether it's a conscious decision or not I think it's in a psyche take advantage of people when they're not strong enough when dealing with money in unpleasant circumstances. Now that's one thing but like mentioned above there's nothing quite like the strength of a woman scorned and this silly man has no idea what he's riling up inside you.

You might have to fly on the coat tails of scorn to get you through this but get through it you will.

pollyanna_26

I'm getting ready to go for a much needed stock up of the cupboards including lots of tea .

Love and thanks to dearest Monna and The Big Guy form youngest and myself . yesterday went much better than feared . X

Thank you to Softstuff I'll watch for the pigeon !

Take care and be good everyone . See you later .
polly

juliettet

Good people. Virtual fence post here Burtha.

You are a disgrace Lyn. A true fencer would have had at least 2lb of blackberries in those turn ups!

Petula

About due a stock-up here too, think I best sort the me/OH food issues first so I know what Im getting!

I was out pulling weeds this morning when a little one walked by with a ball at foot. Just a slight kick and it came up against our (short) fence. I reached over and rolled the ball back to said little one (maybe 2? 3?). Little one said "Thats my ball and you give it to me. Tanks". lol. Then the near adult that was yards behind little one starting shouting at the poor dear "You dont talk to strangers, you wanna get taken away and be lost in some cave(?)". Ive just felt a bit off since then, thinking about that poor little boy - who is now scared stiff - and how the world has changed

Bits to do this afternoon but Im planning on a very quiet and lazy weekend