The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

Florenceem

Simple - don't allow greasy polish anywhere near.  Don't you want to look upper class?

MingVase

Excuse moi dahling, I'm a Ming Vase. They don't come any upperer than me! I'm very very precious. Ask Polly!

Suffolksue

I love this thread !
 Thank you all so much 
I have threatened to write a book on ‘ Things not to say to the recently bereaved’ !
most days I can rise above them and see the funny side but sometimes they just get me

LameWolf

I'm late in on this, @Suffolksue but I have a good retort for people who come out with insensitive and frankly idiotic comments: "Sit down and give your mouth a chance".

pollyanna_26

MingVase said:

Excuse moi dahling, I'm a Ming Vase. They don't come any upperer than me! I'm very very precious. Ask Polly!

Ming. The Eye or whoever you are at the moment. I would appreciate it if you'd bring the vase back. That eye makes me feel like Winston Smith in 1984 " Big Brother" is watching you.

You haven't shown up with your tin can and blue paint so I assume a new craft doesn't appeal. I've been trying to think of a way you can change your ways. We were good friends for many years but I'm exhausted being the keeper of the memories .

The only thing I can think of is you work on developing a conscience. You don't have to make all sorts of confessions just try to pause and consider your action before using the K word or launching into your latest bizarre venture.

Your old friend polly, not so sure you're very very precious now unless you're referring to the vase rather than the contents. X

pollyanna_26

Nargleblast said:

What others have said, Suffolk Sue. When someone close to you dies, nobody gives you a book of rules and instructions on how you should behave. There is no such book. Don't stress yourself over a relative not speaking to you. Someone who can come out with such a thoughtless comment shows a complete lack of insight into human behaviour, so is no great loss in your life.

Was it you who spoke of us coming from the stars and said your husband had gone back to the stars and was free from pain?

When Cornishchick finally lost her husband after a long hard battle she said he was Flying Free. I always thought those were quite comforting ways of coping with the loss of a loved one.

I felt loss coupled with relief when my husband died a strange mix but he'd suffered so much sparing him any further pain and confusion was more important than anyones grief.

I Focused on the good times we'd shared rather than bad memories. I hope SS will remember the good times too.

pollyx

MingVase

I think it's often forgotten that the one person who matters most is the one who was ill... we desperately don't want to lose them but that's selfish. And I think often when we cry, we cry for ourselves and not them - because they are now free and with their loved ones gone before...  Also they do watch over us, they do advise us if we let them. and they do send signs like white feathers or birds. Birds are the messengers of Spirit. If you think of somebody then a white feather floats down beside you or a robin comes close, then it's not a coincidence. Love is eternal, it outlasts everything even physical death. The person might not be here but their love always is.

Nargleblast

Yes, that was me. I believe there are a finite number of chemical elements and compounds in the universe, so everything living or not is a combination of the same chemicals. We contain carbon - so do coal and trees. We contain metals like calcium, phosphorus, magnesium - so do rocks. We are indeed the stuff that stars are made of, and when we die, our bodies go back to nature and the living part (self, being, soul, identity, whatever you call it), which is a form of energy,  joins with all the other energy in the universe. When we die we go back to the stars.

I knew it was right for my husband to die in the way he did (cardiac arrest in his sleep) when I discovered his cancer had started to spread to his brain. Our Fencer friend LameWolf told me at the time that she could imagine the Gentleman with the Cloak and Scythe (Death from Discworld) putting a comforting arm around my husband and saying "Time to go now, friend, it will only get unpleasant if you wait."  (Cheers, Wolfie xxxxx)

pollyanna_26

Suffolksue said:

I love this thread !
 Thank you all so much 
I have threatened to write a book on ‘ Things not to say to the recently bereaved’ !
most days I can rise above them and see the funny side but sometimes they just get me

Over the years I've considered writng a Remember Your Manners book .There are so many people often near strangers who believe it their right to comment on and judge other peoples lives.

You are you and your life with your husband was The Days of Your Lives Freddie Mercury sang about. No one can truly understand how you're feeling. Those close to you may offer support and advice in a helpful way but others should choose their words carefully or keep their opinions to themselves.

You'll get there when the time is right for you Sue meanwhile one day at a time. Over the years I perfected a Paddington hard stare very useful when someone  was overstepping the limits and it worked well. I still use it from time, dd had three appalling consultants who felt the stare before her GP transferred her to better ones.

pollyx

newroadahead

I loved the days of your lives and the video brings me to tears especially when he looks into the camera and says I love you 
I also like Ed Sheeran "supermarket flowers" which was actually written about the effect of his grandmothrrs passing on his mum
I remember it playing when we were following the hearse to Ddad last wife's funeral and the sun shining 
It somehow made a difficult day slightly easier
I know it's not the same but I recall my step mum passed ( she was married to Dad for 30 years ) it didn't hit me until a few months later and it happened at work
My boss at the time took me into an office and said you had the funeral months ago I thought you would be over it by now 
I was polite but did say to her I would love to be a fly on the wall when you lose someone close to see how you react it never happened as she left a year later
Sorry off on a tangent
NRA