Proposing - Asking her parents blessing

zagfles

Malthusian wrote: »

If you think she might not want to marry you then you don't propose, and if you're not sure, you don't propose.

Err, it's not a "proposal" if you know the answer. Unless it's one of these stage managed proposals where the couple have agreed beforehand - a bit like couples that set a date for their engagement!

If you seriously think a woman might be weak-willed enough to go through with a marriage because she doesn't want him to have wasted money on an item of jewellery, then that's far more insulting than the notion of asking the parents for their blessing. (Note that the OP said "blessing", not "permission".)

It's not a question of being "weak willed". If she definitely doesn't want to marry, then fine say no, but if she fairly sure but not 100%, there can be a temptation to say "yes" to avoid public humiliation when that's likely to be final answer anyway, rather than saying "give it a while".

It's a life changing decision - to spend the rest of your life with someone. It's a question that should be asked with no pressure.

Mojisola

euronorris wrote: »

Why is their blessing even required? They're grown adults. Whether the parents approve or not, is neither here nor there.

I agree - but the OP thinks his GF would like her parents involved.

Bogof_Babe

Perhaps he wants a dowry :rotfl: .

Seriously though, if it's to be a "proper" wedding there will obviously be costs involved, and it is traditional for the bride's parents to pay for most of the proceedings. Maybe the OP is paving the way for that.

trailingspouse

My husband was chuffed to bits when our SIL asked his permission to marry his daughter.

On the other hand, I was horrified that my first husband had asked my father for permission to marry me. I felt like I'd been set up. And I didn't find out until after he'd proposed and I'd said yes. I did ask him what he would have done if my Dad had said no?

Gloomendoom

zagfles wrote: »

Err, it's not a "proposal" if you know the answer. Unless it's one of these stage managed proposals where the couple have agreed beforehand - a bit like couples that set a date for their engagement!

That's not as wierd as couples who get "engaged" with no intention to marry.

seven-day-weekend

Whilst I would have married my husband no matter what my parents said or thought, I liked the fact that he asked for my dad's blessing (not permission). He did it out of respect for my dad. We had already decided to get married when he did this.

I know a young couple in their 20s, been married a couple of years, but together since they were 14, the young man still asked for her dad's permission.

It's just a tradition, either go with it or not, there is nothing wrong with either way.

To the OP, I would get your young lady's acceptance first and then approach her parents, either together or separate, as decided between you.

Poor_Single_lady

If you tell the parents after you have asked her then you are just telling them and not asking.
So that wouldn't be what the OP had planned to do.

He has said he wants to ask her parents first.
So this is advice directly against what he said he wants to do and rather misses the point.

Mojisola

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

If you tell the parents after you have asked her then you are just telling them and not asking.
So that wouldn't be what the OP had planned to do.

He has said he wants to ask her parents first.

So, if they say no, will he obey them and not propose to his GF?

debsy42

My hubby took a day off work and made a 400 mile round trip to ask for my Dad's blessing for my hand in marriage, I thought it was a lovely gesture and in no way was I offended or upset, quite the opposite.

OP I would say go for it, you know your girlfriend and her family and if it's the right thing to do then do it !!

Poor_Single_lady

To repeat the OP said it would mean a lot to her which rather suggests the dad is not going to say no!

Why does this thread upset so many people.
As someone else said. The OP is not asking whether this is a good idea-he is asking how to do it.
Yes it might not be for everyone but it doesn't have to be. The OP is only dating his girlfriend. Not anyone else!