Where do I stand if we seperate, not married but have children together

NannyV

davidwood123 wrote: »

Yep.

Women doing the same job don't earn less than men.

The pay gap MYTH is all the wages added together, regardless of jobs.

In fact it's about time we saw more equality in the jobs dominated by men. Forget more women in the boardrooms, we need to see more women taking their fair share of road workers, bin collectors, sewage workers etc

97% of workplace deaths are men. Let's make it 50/50

Yep I knew I had you right all along

GwylimT

NannyV wrote: »

Who said anything about women making more money? I said we still have issues with some companies paying men more money than what they pay a woman who is doing the same job.

Not in the UK we don't. It would be interesting if you could point us in the direction of these employers who are breaking the law.

NannyV

Mojisola wrote: »

Once you're an adult, you can reassess how you were raised and do things differently!

I was a girl in the 1950s but my OH and I have an equal relationship - I wouldn't be with him if we didn't share responsibilities.

If you're going to give up your life to be a housekeeper to a man, sleep with him and raise his children, at least make sure you are putting some savings away in your own name!

Oh and yes I do have some savings in my own. I don't normally come on these forums, especially on a weekend but I needed some quick facts so I could asses my situation.
I am so glad I don't know many people in life that are as rude as many of you who have answered on here. What is it, you can hide behind a screen and just give out rude replies? Maybe there is a reason why you are on here on a Saturday.


Thanks to anyone who has actually just given non judgmental advice and a bit of sensitive support.... Although the majority seem to have just enjoyed trying to get a reaction from me or stir things up. I now know to stick to my Mum forums where they seem to have a brain and tact and give advice on how to change things to protect yourself from men thinking they can make it difficult for you to leave and be financially stable. I hope all you men who seem to get a kick out of suggesting that maybe my OH should be the one to get to keep the house even though he can afford to live a life of luxury, will get a little taste of karma and get some morals at the same time. I will be fine, either way my eyes are open wide and I will building up a little nest egg and setting up a pension while my OH goes through his little boy stop. And I may throw a few more chores at him in the meantime if I fancy the Tv to myself while he strops off out.

I won't bother you for anymore advice, I have had PLENTY from this thread!!!'

FBaby

What comes across so sadly in your post is how your are counting your children as burden to both you and him. You posted that you gave him children as is you went and bought them at the supermarket.

Surely one certainty is that at some point, you wanted these 4 children, otherwise, you would have uses protection. We can only assume that he too was happy with having four children, unless you fell pregnant when he told you he didn't want any more.

You sound extremely unhappy and stuck in blaming him for your unhappiness and therefore bitter that he could get out of your relationship a happy man whilst you'll be left with your children.

Your life doesn't have to be the way you are portraying it. You say you could have had a career, what is stopping you. Women with four kids still manage to make it work, so if you had a chance to earn a good salary, then go for it. Of course, that will mean having to accept not seeing your children grow up as much as you might like, but that's no different to all the fathers and mothers who have made that choice for their financial stability and benefits.

He will walk out with his freedom and money, but would you trade this for the wonderful gift you've been given to be a dedicated mum? Who will be richer when he is old and lonely, him with his money, or you with a great relationship with your children and grandchildren?

Money is not everything, but only few single people get the chance to have both the luxury of good money, and the chance to spend plenty of quality time with your children.

Guest101

NannyV wrote: »

Who said anything about women making more money? I said we still have issues with some companies paying men more money than what they pay a woman who is doing the same job.

Re-read what I said.

POPPYOSCAR

NannyV wrote: »

Oh and yes I do have some savings in my own. I don't normally come on these forums, especially on a weekend but I needed some quick facts so I could asses my situation.
I am so glad I don't know many people in life that are as rude as many of you who have answered on here. What is it, you can hide behind a screen and just give out rude replies? Maybe there is a reason why you are on here on a Saturday.


Thanks to anyone who has actually just given non judgmental advice and a bit of sensitive support.... Although the majority seem to have just enjoyed trying to get a reaction from me or stir things up. I now know to stick to my Mum forums where they seem to have a brain and tact and give advice on how to change things to protect yourself from men thinking they can make it difficult for you to leave and be financially stable. I hope all you men who seem to get a kick out of suggesting that maybe my OH should be the one to get to keep the house even though he can afford to live a life of luxury, will get a little taste of karma and get some morals at the same time. I will be fine, either way my eyes are open wide and I will building up a little nest egg and setting up a pension while my OH goes through his little boy stop. And I may throw a few more chores at him in the meantime if I fancy the Tv to myself while he strops off out.

I won't bother you for anymore advice, I have had PLENTY from this thread!!!'

It would seem OP that all you want is sympathetic validation for how you feel and what you think you should get.

MSE is not like that, just like real life.

Newbie2017J

Hi,

I've read your post with great interest, I can see your annoyed and upset, likely because you've lived with years of upset and the treatment from your OH.

Few bits from me. First could you both consider counselling or siting down and discussing problems, sounds like he wants more and you want more, could their be some middle ground to agree on?

If not I don't see it unreasonable that you keep on the house and he pays you maintenance each month, what I see as highly unlikely is he will pay any money into the mortgage, i.e. For you to keep it on he will be on the mortgage until kids leave full time education and you will have to pay the mortgage, he will only be entitled to half of the equity at point of separation.

Hope this helps

NannyV

FBaby wrote: »

What comes across so sadly in your post is how your are counting your children as burden to both you and him. You posted that you gave him children as is you went and bought them at the supermarket.

Surely one certainty is that at some point, you wanted these 4 children, otherwise, you would have uses protection. We can only assume that he too was happy with having four children, unless you fell pregnant when he told you he didn't want any more.

You sound extremely unhappy and stuck in blaming him for your unhappiness and therefore bitter that he could get out of your relationship a happy man whilst you'll be left with your children.

Your life doesn't have to be the way you are portraying it. You say you could have had a career, what is stopping you. Women with four kids still manage to make it work, so if you had a chance to earn a good salary, then go for it. Of course, that will mean having to accept not seeing your children grow up as much as you might like, but that's no different to all the fathers and mothers who have made that choice for their financial stability and benefits.

He will walk out with his freedom and money, but would you trade this for the wonderful gift you've been given to be a dedicated mum? Who will be richer when he is old and lonely, him with his money, or you with a great relationship with your children and grandchildren?

Money is not everything, but only few single people get the chance to have both the luxury of good money, and the chance to spend plenty of quality time with your children.

The majority of what you have said is right, I feel bitterness that he can have it to easy but yes I do see The bigger picture that I may not have more wealth but I will have my happiness back and my children.
My children are no way near being a burden to me at all, you have only read what I have posted out of hurt and anger at responses on here. Nobody I k ow in real life would ever say that about me, ever. My point is that women seem to make a lot of changes to have children and yes we would do it over and over again and Id sacrifice my life for my kids. But it angers me that my OH isn't the same and his priority doesn't seem to be the kids and their happiness. I get it can be hardwork etc. But it the grand scheme of things being a father to being a mother is a completely different responsibility which is what half of my posts are about. I'm angry and bitter yes that seperating for me will be so much harder on so many levels than it will be for him. And yes, Id get over that but right now while I'm in the middle of it I am bitter! You're right, these boards aren't supportive, people reply factually and not with sympathy and that is the opposite of what I am like. I would never give replies like some of them on here do, in person or in writing! I know I love my kids more than anything and it isn't about them being a burden, but I am also wise enough not to let anyones comments on here upset me as I'm well aware of the joys of messages from people who don't know you and don't actually worry about the emotional state of mine of the actual person asking for help. It's a good job I'm a strong person, I dread to think how emotionally unstable people would feel after speaking to you lot!!!!

Please be kinder to people in your future posts, you don't know what people are really going through in real life. Kindness costs nothing, it really doesn't! And if you have nothing nice to say....

Turtle

Has he always been like this? Or is it new behaviour (you mention somewhere he's been in a bad mood for a couple of weeks). Could he be depressed?

lincroft1710

People reply factually because in your first post you asked for factual answers not sympathy. Your subsequent posts portray you as someone very bitter and angry. Which may not be a true reflection of your character. You have also been very defensive and confrontational, these do not engender sympathetic replies.

Expecting your partner to have the same priorities as you is perhaps a little naive. Finally if I did meet you face to face, I would say exactly the same as I had written. But I would also like to meet your partner and hear his side, who knows what he thinks about the situation.