Where do I stand if we seperate, not married but have children together

NannyV

Pixie5740 wrote: »

Marriage is a legally binding contract. If you do not enter into that contract you cannot expect the law to protect you when the relationship goes down the pooper.

Yep I didn't see the importance of marriage, a bit of paper.... Now I see it!

NannyV

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

But he is not walking away - you want him to leave.

Have you even discussed this with him yet?

Tried, I think he thinks Im just saying it out of frustration. He literally just ignores me, says nothing. He might get better for a day but as soon as I can't cook his dinner or the kids are hyper he goes back to just walking out or sitting on the sofa glued to his phone ignoring me.
I don't know what else to do, I have been waiting for him to snap out of it but this has been going on for a couple of weeks. I have said that if we don't make him happy he is free to walk away, but he just buries his head in the sand

Mojisola

NannyV wrote: »

Because sadly enough a lot of men are like this.

Only because their partners put up with them.

elsien

NannyV wrote: »

I don't know what else to do, I have been waiting for him to snap out of it but this has been going on for a couple of weeks. I have said that if we don't make him happy he is free to walk away, but he just buries his head in the sand

That was my point though. If he continues to bury his head in the sand and decides that regardless of what you want he's not going anywhere then you need a plan B. Because it's either that or carry on living in a situation you find intolerable.

NannyV

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

But he is not walking away - you want him to leave.

Have you even discussed this with him yet?

It seems like he is moody because he doesn't want to have the lifestyle of me and the kids, I think he wants to walk away and have an easier life but he isn't brave enough to face up to it. So thats why I am saying he will walk away and have it easy because I think he wants to walk away from it all. He certainly doesn't seem to enjoy mine or the kids company or the chore of having to help when life gets busy

NannyV

Mojisola wrote: »

Only because their partners put up with them.

Alot of girls are raised like this though, the fathers work and that is all, the women do the rest so its hard. Trust me I insist he does the dishwasher and cooks if I can't and mucks in but this makes him moody. He always talks about how easy his older boss has it as he does nothing at home etc. So this doesn't help. Alot of women can't afford to walk away.... That is my point in many comments of this thread. And then when you try to and you try to find a way to keep a room over your head, people feel sorry for the man because he is expected to provide some help in doing this like in my instance of hoping he will allow me stay in the house and for me to pay for it myself. If he can't find it in him to snap out of the moods.

Guest101

NannyV wrote: »

No I am not perfect, my body is ruined by the kids I gave him, my mind is foggy at times from juggling the kids and work with the sleepless nights I have had to endure as the only parent who gets up to the kids. I don't give him sex as often as he wants for the same reasons of being tired from the kids, I am beginning to have an attitude of actually why should I sacrifice everything whilst he sacrifices nothing apart from his lack of free time to play golf. If i come across as being cross its because you have offended me by implying that he should not have to owe me or the kids anything after everything I have sacrificed.

The sexist attitude is because it comes across that you think this man should be able to walk away with no guilt about not doing the right thing. Do you have a past grudge over the fact that sometimes men have to support their kids if the mother doesn't want to remain in a relationship with them? It sounds a bit like you seem to think its unfair for me to ask him to move out and stop paying the mortgage? It seems like you want to remind me that in fact men can take custody of kids? I seem to have annoyed you by asking for advice on this matter. I am only stating how common it is for some women to be screwed over by some men when it comes to seperation and I don't want to be one of them so thats why Im after financial advice.

I know plenty of men who go above and beyond more than necessary for their ex-wives. I'm not asking for money to keep my life the same, I'm asking that seeing as he can afford to go off and find another house, that he allows us to stay here if I can afford the payments. If we have to move into rented, the kids inheritence goes down the drain. They will be unsettled and uprooted possibly having to change schools. Its quite obvious most people would try to avoid this and most Dads would want to avoid this for their kids. However, he is a very money greedy man with no morals so I am sure he will try to make sure I am screwed over.
He is the one who is in a foul mood, I have not changed to make him like this.

Any yes if I come across as cross its because your questioning comes over as if you are wanting to stand up for the 'man' side of life. I am however not the sort of person to take that sort of stuff and go off quietly, sorry :-)

1: my replies, MY, not others have been balanced and asking questions, not passing judgment
2: I'm reminding you of what may happen
3: an excuse for sexist behaviour... Brilliant.

I was avoiding moral judgment and sticking to facts. Someone else can advise you now.

NannyV

elsien wrote: »

That was my point though. If he continues to bury his head in the sand and decides that regardless of what you want he's not going anywhere then you need a plan B. Because it's either that or carry on living in a situation you find intolerable.

Plan B is to try and put some money away to cover a few months rent and just up and leave. And not let the bitterness consume me that once again he gets it easy and gets to stay put and watch us struggle. I may have family that may offer to help with my legal sides and potentially buy him out but I'd rather do it myself instead of relying on others

NannyV

Guest101 wrote: »

1: my replies, MY, not others have been balanced and asking questions, not passing judgment
2: I'm reminding you of what may happen
3: an excuse for sexist behaviour... Brilliant.

I was avoiding moral judgment and sticking to facts. Someone else can advise you now.

I have found other non judgmental advice elsewhere thank you, I suggest you re-look at how you come across as it certainly didn't seem like the above of how you think you did! Sometimes a simple '.... I hope you manage to sort out the housing issue but you may come across this issue etc.....' explains things more clearly. People going through difficulties in life do take things seriously and are more sensitive, sometimes a bit of tact doesn't go amiss.

Mojisola

NannyV wrote: »

A lot of girls are raised like this though, the fathers work and that is all, the women do the rest so its hard.

Once you're an adult, you can reassess how you were raised and do things differently!

I was a girl in the 1950s but my OH and I have an equal relationship - I wouldn't be with him if we didn't share responsibilities.

If you're going to give up your life to be a housekeeper to a man, sleep with him and raise his children, at least make sure you are putting some savings away in your own name!