Where do I stand if we seperate, not married but have children together

NannyV

Hi there, I have done alot of googling but would like some advice please if anyone has experience with my situation.

I have been with the father of my children for 17 years, we have 4 children under 10. We have grown apart and he is miserable, unresponsive to normal conversations, short tempered with the kids, and is just making life miserable. I always thought I could tolerate an un-happy relationship for the sake of my kids but its becoming obvious that if I could afford to raise them myself I absolutely would.

At the moment I work just a few days a week term time only so we don't have to pay childcare so I only earn £500 a month. I am looking into Childminding which means I could earn maybe 1500 to 2000 a month. Our mortgage is joint and is about 1200 a month so if I earn 2000 a month I might be able to cover the mortgage and bills but nothing else. I would prefer to stay in the family house if I can afford too and will work as hard as I can to do this.

My question is what would the average maintanence the father of my kids should pay? What would a court/solicitor suggest? And how much would I have to pay for a solicitor to sort this out?
He earns about £65k a year plus he gets a 10k bonus a year too and his earnings will no doubt go up too. He has a pension but I don't as we were using all spare cash for our house etc. We have about 5k in saving, our house is worth about 450k and we have about 160k equity in the house.

Could someone please advice me on where I stand financially please?

Guest101

The CMS calculator will help you sort it out and you don't need a solicitor or court.

The house would stay joint and typically be sold when youngest turns 18. He would be entitled to half.

Also you would need a 30- 35k a year job to take home the figures you say, is that realistic?

Pixie5740

You're not married so financially you will not be in as good a position as if you were married. His pension and your lack of pension are irrelevant. Is there a declaration in trust for the property or is everything just 50/50? How is the property owned? Joint tenants or tenants in common?

All you will really get is child maintenance.

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

NannyV

So if he moved out would I not just owe him his equity percentage that he has now (or what it will be the equivilent of what the house is worth when its sold) when its sold when the youngest is 17? As I can't see him still paying half the mortgage if he moves out? Surely if I pay the mortgage myself he isn't entitled to half the house?

The calculator helped and would possibly mean he would pay between 900 and 1000 a month, which means it possibly manageable but will be tight. If I then live alone I can get child benefit too? I would be self employed and if I worked hard I think yes I could earn that amount.
I thought that I would be entitled to some of his pension seeing as I for some of the time couldn't have a pension as I wasn't working as I was raising his children so couldn't earn enough to put enough money aside for a pension. Would a court take this into account? Seems unfair to me that he has a good pension and I will have to walk away without one. If for some reason we stay together and he sorts out his moods then I guess setting up my own pension is a priority. I can't remember what type of mortgage we have but it is up for renewal in 2 months time. We are both named on it though. My grandparents gave us a 10k deposit which at some point it was agreed legally that if we seperated I would get the 10k back... But then because he earnt more than me and was paying all the bills I agreed to not keep that in the legal write up when we moved house as he had probably invested more than my 10k so as it stands its just 50/50 ownership

Mojisola

NannyV wrote: »

I thought that I would be entitled to some of his pension

If you'd been married, you would have been able to make a claim.

unforeseen

Any reason why HE should be the one moving out when it is YOU that wants to separate?.

What happens if he refuses to leave his home?

davidwood123

It sounds like he can afford to keep the house and you can't.

As it's so important to you, for your children to stay in the family home, it might be better for you to move out and find somewhere in your budget.

pphillips

It seems that he is in a better position to buy out your share of the house, rather than the other way round. You first need to sit down and work out the figures, then get something drawn up in writing that you both sign.

NannyV

unforeseen wrote: »

Any reason why HE should be the one moving out when it is YOU that wants to separate?.

What happens if he refuses to leave his home?

Because he is the one who comes home from work, shouts at me 'why is there !!!! everywhere?' when there are letters piled up on the side which are kids school letters and post. Because he then huffs and puffs if I take 2 of the kids to school activities and he has to cook for himself and his child. Because he then has to put the kids to bed but ends up swearing at them and has nothing to do with them apart from shouting at them and ordering them about like they are in the army. And you think I should move out and leave them with him? Because for about the last 2 weeks he storms out slamming the door when I confront him over shouting at the kids and he doesn't come home until 10pm. Because I have always been the one to look after the kids, get up in the night, work as many hrs as I can without the kids having to go into after school child care etc.
His life has not changed since having kids, he has never got up in the night to them as I can not trust him to not end up shouting at them and storming off because he has no patience.
So don't be so quick to judge thinking this is just about finances. At the moment our home life is miserable because he just comes moody and I can't take it anymore. But why should he be able to sell up and afford a nice home while I have to go off and earn minimum wage and get a council house to bring our kids up in. Because I have looked after the kids he has been able to get a decent wage with my support and advice to keep him motivated to do so. I haven't been able to focus on getting a good career because I have been raising the kids and earning minimum wage. I have always worked hard but my kids came first. I find your post rude!

Guest101

NannyV wrote: »

So if he moved out would I not just owe him his equity percentage that he has now (or what it will be the equivilent of what the house is worth when its sold) when its sold when the youngest is 17? As I can't see him still paying half the mortgage if he moves out? Surely if I pay the mortgage myself he isn't entitled to half the house?

The calculator helped and would possibly mean he would pay between 900 and 1000 a month, which means it possibly manageable but will be tight. If I then live alone I can get child benefit too? I would be self employed and if I worked hard I think yes I could earn that amount.
I thought that I would be entitled to some of his pension seeing as I for some of the time couldn't have a pension as I wasn't working as I was raising his children so couldn't earn enough to put enough money aside for a pension. Would a court take this into account? Seems unfair to me that he has a good pension and I will have to walk away without one. If for some reason we stay together and he sorts out his moods then I guess setting up my own pension is a priority. I can't remember what type of mortgage we have but it is up for renewal in 2 months time. We are both named on it though. My grandparents gave us a 10k deposit which at some point it was agreed legally that if we seperated I would get the 10k back... But then because he earnt more than me and was paying all the bills I agreed to not keep that in the legal write up when we moved house as he had probably invested more than my 10k so as it stands its just 50/50 ownership

A court would decide if you couldn't agree. But I would say no, presumably he paid more on the mortgage up until now?

Also you're using his credit to keep the house, thereby preventing him from owning a property.

Why should you benefit from in essence an interest free loan and his credit?

NannyV

davidwood123 wrote: »

It sounds like he can afford to keep the house and you can't.

As it's so important to you, for your children to stay in the family home, it might be better for you to move out and find somewhere in your budget.

See below my answer to the other poster as this applies to you too. Its important as I don't want my kids to have to stuffer and move into a council house away from their friends if I can afford to work my !!!! off and keep the house we are in.

You are very rude and insensitive