Where do I stand if we seperate, not married but have children together

POPPYOSCAR

What a strange attitude you seem to have.

Your body is ruined.

What you have sacrificed to give him kids.

Did you not do these things for yourself?

You seem very angry. It looks like you both need to seek some help and not just financial advice.

NannyV

Deleted_User wrote: »

Did you really say the males get the upper hand!!!

Take it from me there are plenty of fathers out there who don't get to see their kids as much as they would like and get the unfair card dealt with when divorces or splits happen with regards to finances...

I don't know one father who has had to live on beans on toast to make sure the kids are fed.... I know plenty of single Mums who do so in my experience and of all the males I know, they do seem to get the upperhand in almost everything. We still have issues around men being allowed to have higher salaries than females doing the same job just as well. Enough said about why I have this attitude about men having life easier

NannyV

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

What a strange attitude you seem to have.

Your body is ruined.

What you have sacrificed to give him kids.

Did you not do these things for yourself?

You seem very angry. It looks like you both need to seek some help and not just financial advice.

Its a cross attitude, not strange. I feel bitter that it seems like he is going to walk away, easily set up house somewhere else, probably meet someone else who has no kids so no ties. I will have to struggle through finding a place to live, working all hours to support our kids, and yes it feels like I have had to put a career on the back burner as we both didn't want to put the kids in Nursery but now Im left working for minimum wage while he walks away with a big salary. I have been through many years of sleepless nights, my body has been to breaking point through giving birth so I have confidence issues for future relationships, it feels like I have sacrificed alot more than him and he is able to just pick up and have an easy life so yes right now I am very angry at how easy he has it. I had children for myself yes, but it seems like actually its only me who has had kids and not him!
And yes I have suggested getting outside help but he just doesn't answer me. He never talks about any issues, he just plays on his phone without even looking up to acknowledge I asked him about it

davidwood123

NannyV wrote: »

Its a cross attitude, not strange. I feel bitter that it seems like he is going to walk away, easily set up house somewhere else, probably meet someone else who has no kids so no ties. I will have to struggle through finding a place to live, working all hours to support our kids, and yes it feels like I have had to put a career on the back burner as we both didn't want to put the kids in Nursery but now Im left working for minimum wage while he walks away with a big salary. I have been through many years of sleepless nights, my body has been to breaking point through giving birth so I have confidence issues for future relationships, it feels like I have sacrificed alot more than him and he is able to just pick up and have an easy life so yes right now I am very angry at how easy he has it. I had children for myself yes, but it seems like actually its only me who has had kids and not him!
And yes I have suggested getting outside help but he just doesn't answer me. He never talks about any issues, he just plays on his phone without even looking up to acknowledge I asked him about it

1. You can do the same.

2. He can do whatever he likes with his life in the future. It's none of your business.

It seems you want him to punish him more than anything and want him to suffer for years to come. That won't be good for your children.

Mojisola

NannyV wrote: »

I have been with the father of my children for 17 years, we have 4 children under 10.

NannyV wrote: »

Because I have always been the one to look after the kids, get up in the night, work as many hrs as I can without the kids having to go into after school child care etc.

His life has not changed since having kids, he has never got up in the night to them as I can not trust him to not end up shouting at them and storming off because he has no patience.

I can't understand why you've been together for so long and had four children if he's always behaved like this.

If you had walked away after he failed to act like a father after the first child or had got married, your life would be very different.

POPPYOSCAR

[QUOTE=Mojisola;72578603]I can't understand why you've been together for so long and had four children if he's always behaved like this.

If you had walked away after he failed to act like a father after the first child or had got married, your life would be very different.[/QUOTE]



I was just thinking the same thing myself.

NannyV

Yep I would like him to find it just as financially hard as me but of course he won't. I would like him to feel the responsibility of having kids a bit more, and face the consequences more, but of course he won't. Yes I will be mad that he gets to walk off having an easy life, but I would rather live without him the way he is behaving at the moment. I will try and keep my kids in their home whatever it takes, and I am sure he will try and make sure he gets to keep as much of a financial hand over everything that he can. But do you know what, the reactions from you guys on here has made me even more determined to get myself sorted with a pension to equal his from our savings. And in the meantime I will try to get an income to keep the house as I won't go down without a fight. There are a lot of people out there who let the kids down and Ill be damned if I let this happen. Time to make sure I have some financial back up while I still can so my kids don't get the short straw, as it appears alot of people aren't that bothered about having morals anymore and doing the right thing.

POPPYOSCAR

NannyV wrote: »

Its a cross attitude, not strange. I feel bitter that it seems like he is going to walk away, easily set up house somewhere else, probably meet someone else who has no kids so no ties. I will have to struggle through finding a place to live, working all hours to support our kids, and yes it feels like I have had to put a career on the back burner as we both didn't want to put the kids in Nursery but now Im left working for minimum wage while he walks away with a big salary. I have been through many years of sleepless nights, my body has been to breaking point through giving birth so I have confidence issues for future relationships, it feels like I have sacrificed alot more than him and he is able to just pick up and have an easy life so yes right now I am very angry at how easy he has it. I had children for myself yes, but it seems like actually its only me who has had kids and not him!
And yes I have suggested getting outside help but he just doesn't answer me. He never talks about any issues, he just plays on his phone without even looking up to acknowledge I asked him about it

But he is not walking away - you want him to leave.

Have you even discussed this with him yet?

Pixie5740

Marriage is a legally binding contract. If you do not enter into that contract you cannot expect the law to protect you when the relationship goes down the pooper.

NannyV

Mojisola wrote: »

I can't understand why you've been together for so long and had four children if he's always behaved like this.

If you had walked away after he failed to act like a father after the first child or had got married, your life would be very different.

Because sadly enough alot of men are like this. I can deal with him not doing the practical things but its pushing me to the limit when he just comes home in a foul mood. Alot of women put up with Dads not helping, its sadly the norm still. But now he is moody and snappy at the kids it has changed things of how much I can just put up with