Husband told me he is bi-sexual

iammumtoone

Have you asked your husband how he would feel if you came home one day and told him you were happy with him and wanted to stay married, but you are finding that sex with just one person is not want you want. Therefore you will sleeping with other men and expect him to be comfortable with that and let you do so.

What would be his answer?

Loz01

Now he's said it out loud its obviously going to progress to him actually doing it.

Did he say what he would do if you flat out refused to give him "permission" to cheat? Would he do it anyway?

Sounds like he's deep in some kind of denial. You can be bisexual or any sexual orientation and be faithful, it doesnt matter who or what you "like" but he is obviously so far off that path its unreal.

Maybe he's hoping you'll ask for a relationship break so he can go off and do as he pleases for a few weeks and then you'll get back together!

justme111

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Now that he's reached the point of saying it out loud, he's going to do it anyway.

He's been (at the very least) exploring the possibility and so has become emboldened. Telling you this is a big deal. This is going to happen if it hasn't already.

It also isn't a one-off curiosity since he has past history.

This isn't going away. He's going to do it. You need to decide what you can live with.

This.
What he says (of course we have only your recount here so it could be the case of Chinese whispers) does not make sense. The picture it paints is either of a narnia gay indeed or of a committed gay who tries to ease the info off gently to you. It does not look like a one off whim. Him wanting to stay with you is a wishful thinking , I do not think I would want to stay with someone for whom sex with someone else was more important than sex/relationship with me. I might have lived alongside him as flatmates for a while and seen how it develops. Look around , I am sure there will be someone appealing enough for fun near by. See how your husband reacts to that

Red-Squirrel_2

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Now that he's reached the point of saying it out loud, he's going to do it anyway.

He's been (at the very least) exploring the possibility and so has become emboldened. Telling you this is a big deal. This is going to happen if it hasn't already.

It also isn't a one-off curiosity since he has past history.

This isn't going away. He's going to do it. You need to decide what you can live with.

You also need to think about your sexual health. It might be worth a check up anyway, just in case he's already acted on these desires and hasn't been safe.

I'm really sorry, but it sounds like your marriage is at its end. Concentrate on looking after yourself now. All the best.

qwert_yuiop

avogadro wrote: »

Struggling to get your link to work, but a google search suggests that while the number of public toilets has indeed decreased, the reason is due to cuts to council budgets by central government.

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-36405414

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/closing-public-toilets-human-right-austerity-cuts-a7063346.html

There could be a useful, if distasteful, business opportunity for someone there.

Sam_Fallow

1. What if he's lying?
What if he does want an extra-marital fling and doesn't want to get found out? I reckon that you would offer a flat out refusal if it was with another woman, but your decision might be more in his favour if he declares it is same sex rather than a hetero affair. You've had no idea of these fantasies at any time during your relationship but now here thay are.

2. Just a one off experience?
That might be the case if the experience sucks (pardon the pun). But what if it's WOW fantastic amazing awesome OMG type of thing. Not going to give that up easily is he?

thorsoak

justmydo wrote: »

Ok I have a bit of time to write something out, I am a little more confused now because he is now saying he does not find men attractive at all, it is just the sex side of things that he wants, he also said he has already done some things with a guy before we met, not full sex, but oral sex was involved. He did say he wasn't gay, he also said he does want to be with me, he does not want our marriage to end, but this is something he has to do at some point. (he is not really giving me much choice at the moment with the way he is talking)

I feel he should have told me all this before he married me, yes it would be difficult to admit, but I feel like my marriage has been based on a lie, he felt this way before he even met me, he has always wanted to do these things, so why wait almost 20 years before admitting it? We have had a happy marriage, with no major issues, I do love him, and up until he told me this I thought he was happy too, I had no reason to think otherwise, its not the fact he may be bi-curious or bi-sexual that is the problem for me, people find all kinds of things attractive, its the fact he actively wants to take the fantasies and make them a reality, he said that fantasising about it is not enough for him, its the experience he wants. He did say he would not want me involved in any way, he does not want me to watch, he does not want me around if he does it, so even if I was ok with it he is not going to include me anyway, he said this would just be for him.

I did ask if he already had someone in mind and he said no, that there is not a guy who made him tell me, for him it is more the fact he is getting older and has been thinking about life and what would make him happy etc.

Gender does not matter, I would feel the same way if he had told me he wants to go out and sleep with other girls, maybe I am just old fashioned but I have always felt that if you want to sleep around then that is fine but why get married? (unless of course its agreed on beforehand that it will be an open marriage, thats fine if its what you both want, at least you know where you stand) I feel like I have been blindsided, it is so out of the blue, if someone had told me my husband wanted to sleep with a man I would have laughed in their face, that is why I feel I no longer know the man I married. I did not sign up for an open marriage, he has had his entire life knowing about these feelings, but he sprung it on me and not only wants me to be ok with it, but to also be ok with him going out and doing it.

Everyone is different, some people would be fine with all this, some people might want to join in etc but it is just not for me at all, I suppose I have my answer to if this is over because I can't see any way around it, I will never be ok with him going out, sleeping with someone else, then coming home and acting like nothing happened. If I had known from the start he had these feelings then maybe it would be different, we could have laid everything out on the table, I would have known what I was getting myself into, I know lots of bi-sexual people don't cheat, but he wants this, thats the part I am struggling with.

Please remind him that there are TWO of you in this marriage - and your wants and desires are equal to his - he wants your permission to go trolling in a cottage and keep on with the marriage - you find the whole idea repugnant and had you known this side of him you would not even have married him.

It's a hard decision for you both - and I can understand your disappointment and frustration in the situation.

Gloomendoom

thorsoak wrote: »

Please remind him that there are TWO of you in this marriage - and your wants and desires are equal to his

Assuming the husband made some vows when they married, I'd say that, in this context, his wants and desires carry rather less weight than hers.

meer53

It's obvious, he's already done it.

MPD

Would you be open to a visit to an adult shop or website to buy an appendage so he could experience something similar within your marriage?