A whole new world, for now

Cherryfudge

How heartening to have the decorating done, and with a good result!

If the photos are being shared out, could at least some be scanned onto a memory stick? It saves space and is easier to retrieve copies. Of course the scanning is a faff - I used a library scanner for some a while ago and it's time-consuming but very accurate and pre-digital photos love it. Coming from a family of 'traditional' photographers, we have loads from film cameras and even those tiny, tiny ones from years back enlarge perfectly because film doesn't pixilate. If it's too big a job for one person, could you take a batch each?

Of course when it's family photos, the memories are massive and people react differently. My husband finds them upsetting but the kids and I can pour over them for hours. We all have slightly different memories of them, too, because everyone see a situation form their own viewpoint.

The other thing is - one day is a short time frame for something that could be intense. If it's hard to get everyone together, could you focus on, say, the framed photos and ones of your parents? Then others could be divided up and shared by email. I would imagine baby photos just go to the person they apply to.

I hope it brings more positives than you expect, and maybe even a laugh or two. Go easy on yourself and reduce added demands on the day, because it's almost like a rite of passage and you deserve to be able to focus and to have down time after if you need it (or go for a walk to balance out the emotional energy expended and bring yourself back towards equilibrium).

I'm a couple of sessions into my latest talking therapies. I've found it helpful to have a notebook dedicated to it.  It helps me keep track (so I put the date for each session so things are in order), and sometimes the therapist will say something I want to capture because it either explains the process or puts something in a way I can relate to. For instance in the first session we had looked at how anxiety (the area I'm working on) can be split up, and practising observing and recording what that looks like in me: what the situation is, how I feel physically, what I'm thinking, what my emotions are and how I behaved at that point. It was up to me whether I fed any examples back to her. This week I mentioned I found it hard to tell what was emotion and what were my thoughts. I can tell you what I think about a situation, but it's harder to say what I'm thinking when I'm in the middle of it. Apparently I'm not the only one who finds this hard on a granular level. The therapist told me emotions often get recorded as one word (scared, apprehensive etc.) whereas thoughts tend to come out as phrases ('Will this be helpful?, 'That reminds me of...').

My homework this week is to look at whether my worries are practical (low on milk? - go and get some) or hypothetical ('What if this person doesn't like me?') which is just worry for worry's sake and not something I can practically address.

Which is a long attempt at giving you an insight, sorry. Bear in mind this is how it's tailored to me and yours will be tailored to you so it won't look identical. I've also found a quick google can help as it makes it less of an unknown.

One of the things I've observed in myself is that when my mental health is under pressure, it's very isolating. It's as if there are defences set up everywhere and while they protect you, they also limit what you can see. Think of talking someone out of a difficult parking spot. The person outside the car can advise because they can see what's in the blind spot. Mental health tells you you are stuck and there's no solution because you are the expert in that situation and you've examined every angle - but the therapist helps you get to a point where you can see more. And they are nice, and it's at your pace.

If you find it tiring, build space around it - time beforehand to get your notes in order, make a cuppa, eat something healthy if you want to nibble, take the landline off the hook, listen to music or whatever helps for you. Time afterwards to process, look through anything you've written if you want to, have a (healthy) meal in the slow cooker so you eat well and boost yourself that way, go for a walk if it helps. You will find what works for you. It's your time and you need to protect it just as you'd protect it for someone else.

Remember it's a process and the talking is going to steer you through it. Solutions come a bit at a time which is how it should be.

Take it a day at a time, or a second at a time, and breathe.  

satchmo1

One thing to note is that the emotion of an incident does not diminish with time.

I was reminded of that this week when my SIL was talking about her daughter's escape from domestic abuse and I started shaking from memories of an event over 20 years ago.

Cherryfudge

I'm sorry that happened to you @satchmo1, it's horrible when something comes back like that.

beanielou

Yah for the decorating. 

Hope family meeting goes well. 

Floss

Hopefully the session on Monday goes OK 

jwil

Glad the decorating went well!

Hope the family meeting and the counselling are ok as well.

in_need_of_direction

Family meeting was again postponed as one was unwell.  As a consequence, I did nothing all day yesterday bar cry my eyes out at the second episode of casualty.  

Thank you all for the insight re Monday’s session.  I’m nervous but also quite sceptical of what 5 hours spread over 6 weeks can achieve.  

Today mr wii advised that I have gained a pound.  It is what it is.  I’ve checked my sugars and they remain in range and that’s the important thing.  Today I’m meeting a friend for coffee and I need some groceries. I’m also hoping to drop off a few items to the charity shop.  I feel like I’m in a bit of a holding pattern until the carpet gets fitted on Thursday. Lots of work to be done including some invoicing.  Today however I will restrict myself to list making and scheduling.  

Right, onwards and upwards. Today I am grateful for 

a chat with ds
a lazy day
enough left from the decorating money to pay the carpet fitters

Cherryfudge

It's not nice having to wait to do the photos but maybe that's where the tears over Casualty came from? In which case they're a good thing. I didn't see it so I don't know if I might not have had the same reaction.

Five hours over six weeks doesn't sound much but the hours in between the sessions count as well: you need processing time. I know that because my later sessions went from weekly to fortnightly and that worked for me. If you need more later, they might advise a break before going into those - but you may not need more.

Enjoy your coffee!

milann

The decorator sounds like a godsend for you.
Hope it goes well…..just go with an open mind and take it as it comes.

Sun_Addict

I’m glad you’re seeing some positives in what
seems to be not a great time for you. Fingers crossed things will improve 🤞One day at a time.