Second time lucky... debt free diary.

WannabeFree

We all need a day of doing nothing sometimes.

Glad you got the foodshop etc done.

Hope you're feeling better now. Have you thought more about what you're doing about work?

x

charlies_tribe

Not yet Wannabe. I had a letter today to go in for a 'wellness chat' next week so really need to start thinking about it. My note runs out next Friday.
I've looked at going back as I was, on my normal hours. Reducing hours right down and being main carer for DS, the carers would cover a days wage but I'm on a 'flexible ' contract so not sure how easy they could sack me for not being flexible (they can give us 48 hours notice to work up to 37 hour weeks and we are only supposed to be able to say no twice). Or we try and cut back and I just don't go back and DH will pick up any overtime (he can't go any if I go back because of my start time and he gets £3 more an hour, same place). But then I'm back to having to try to get another job once I'm feeling better.
Ive been pretty well yhe last 2 weeks as i haven't had to leave the house. I'm already thinking about cancelling my counselling tomorrow as it means going in to town.

WannabeFree

Don't cancel the counselling. I think it's worth considering taking a break from work BUT you it might make the not leaving the house worse?

I'm only saying this because I never left the house after having DD1 ever. Not even in the garden etc. However when DD2 came along and needed to stay in hospital I left her dad to stay with her that's how bad I was. Then obviously as youngest got sicker and things got more serious I literally had no choice but to leave the house to go to the hospital and now I have no choice. It does make me panic and anxious etc and I really work myself up if we have an appointment. BUT the difference is now I enjoy a walk with the smalls (somewhere quiet) I still have the anxious feeling about something bad happening but I feel like being forced to do the school run/hospital appointments now has made me feel like I can go to the park at quiet times etc.

If work is too big of a jump from not leaving the house, start with something small (where you don't need to speak to anyone if that's something that makes you feel worse. Or where you don't need to cross a road if that's something

I hope that makes sense and not just a ramble or comes across in the wrong way

x

charlies_tribe

Thank you Wannabe, it makes complete sense . That is one of my worries too. I've struggled since DS was born 13 years ago after needing feeds every hour or 2 it just got to the point we didn't go anywhere. But I've never been as bad as the last 2 months.
I did have family members who turned up after my first break down at work, in November, who said they would come a few times a week, make sure I had company and take me out as I'm not as bad when DH is there. I have seen them for 20 mins on Christmas day since!
One of my CBT targets is a walk with the children, I'd like to try but then I start to panic about seeing someone from work, what if they think I'm 'faking It's although not trying that little walk makes going back worse.
Night managers said I could move to them instead but I'd have to work the opposite 3 shifts to DH because of the children and I think I'd be more uncomfortable as they're all male staff (hope that doesn't sound wrong).
I'll try to talk it through at counselling tomorrow (I had to go back then and remove the 'if I make it', I will go!).

Cherryfudge

Wannabe, you are so wise.

Charlie's tribe, is it any easier to get out of doors after dark? I know someone who only runs after dark because they don't want people to see them (although they are far faster and can do greater distances than I can).

I hope the counselling goes well. This time tomorrow it will be quite a few behind you.

charlies_tribe

Good evening.
Thank you Cherry, that might be an idea to try, might be easier not 'seeing' people.

Counselling was okay. At least i went. I've got to venture on to the front garden for a few minutes each day on my own, DD1 has her test on tuesday so cleaning her car ready might just distract me enough. I did a few minutes of imagining i was leaving the house and cant believe how much i was getting anxious just having to describe it to him.

Came back to find DD2 had painted DS2's nails bright pink! :eek:He is extremely proud of them and i'm not sure i'll have time to invest in nail polish remover before the LA visit on Monday.. It counts as an art lesson, right?! :rotfl:

It wasn't a NSD as we bought 6 sausage rolls (for kids lunch) and 2 chocolate muffins (for the 2 that had come with us) for £4.20 as we needed some change for the car park and then £2.70 parking. This wont come out of this months budget as it was from DH's pocket that had already been accounted for from gifts account the week before Christmas and I hadn't been allowed to ask how much or where it was spent (he had bought my necklace and still has some left from what he took out as he knew i'd be checking the bank statements.

It should be a quiet weekend with no spending. Can't believe it's back to school already, DD2 is getting really wound up about it already.

charlies_tribe

Good morning. Was really looking forward to my NS weekend but DH has ruined it. He picked up some photo paper and a calender this morning. Both needed but I had been hoping he would use the already accounted for money from his pocket and not the bank card. So £16.20 spent today.
He left me in bed this morning. I was awake but just laid there as he usually comes to bed about 9, when I looked at the clock it was almost 11! It feels like ive lost half the day. He's now in bed but keeps messaging me to say he can't sleep or the children are being too noisy (they are arguing over everything!).
We I better go and sort the younger 3 as they are all arguing again over who can play with who.

charlies_tribe

Evening (or morning).
Nothing else spent today. Got so much to do tomorrow though. Think I might have to sort a list to make sure I don't forget anything.

charlies_tribe

Good morning. Today is NSD 3/122. Think I have everything for lunches tomorrow.
I'm not getting far with everything that needs doing today though! I've swept living room and emptied dishwasher so far.

I still need to
-sort pe bags
-sort school bags
-make 3 packed lunches
-shower 3 DC (the big 2 can sort themselves)
-start sorting through conservatory
-sort out DS2 work for LA visit tomorrow (I need to be more organised with filing this)
-sort dinner (something made with chicken fillets)
-get us all in bed for a reasonable time
-remember DH is at work an hour earlier tonight

Been having words with DD1 today. We have this past year bought her car, paid the insurance and all her lessons and tests (Probably a good £5000!). I've told her this morning that she needs to get a job, even if it's just a couple of hours a week. As we have done an insurance quote and we could really do without paying another £35 a WEEK in car insurance. Apparently she doesn't have time for even 4 hours work a week! I've told DH we would help if she made an effort but I can't keep handing it her on a plate. She then asked what we were buying her for her birthday as it was her 18th after all!!

Right I better make a start on that list!

brizzlegirl

Kids hey Yep there has to be some give and take.

Good to see your progress in debt busting. Well done x