Visitors when you've just had a baby

KxMx

cyantist wrote: »

I wouldn't mind a couple of hours.But telling people to pop in on a wednesday afternoon, and that they can then only stay for a couple of hours, when it's a 5-6 hour drive isn't easy.

If that's what you and hubby want, then that's what you tell people.

Parents & InLaws are adults, they can sort themselves out and decide if it's worth it. Not your problem.

They should be accommodating you not the other way round.

You may be surprised as how much they want to see baby and how far they will bend themselves to achieve that.

justme111

Pollycat wrote: »

I can't see where the OP referred to it as a 'light-hearted joke'.

And as we don't know any of these people, we don't know what they class as banter and what they will take offence at.

But the OP has said it's upset her Mum and that she and her partner were annoyed about it.
So maybe not so light-hearted and not so funny.

How could any adult interpreted "I am going to see the baby first, ner ner ner ner ner " other than a joke is beyond me, that "ner ner" making a point of it being a joke!
She indeed seems the sanest person there

Pollycat

justme111 wrote: »

How could any adult interpreted "I am going to see the baby first, ner ner ner ner ner " other than a joke is beyond me, that "ner ner" making a point of it being a joke!
She indeed seems the sanest person there

Well, the OP, her partner and her MIL didn't see it as a joke - and they were there when it was said..

I'm just going by what the OP posted, rather than putting my own personal slant on it.
After all, she heard it and she knows her lodger.

Primrose

Tell them No visitors until they're invited as you want time to get used to having the baby at home and that you're going to toss a Heads and Tails coin as to who gets the first invitation as you're not prepared to be held to ransom about resentment or bad feelings for the set of parents who don't get the first invitation!
Also tell your lodger she needs to be a lot more thoughtful and tactful about comments she makes to your various parents!

cyantist

justme111 wrote: »

How could any adult interpreted "I am going to see the baby first, ner ner ner ner ner " other than a joke is beyond me, that "ner ner" making a point of it being a joke!
She indeed seems the sanest person there

I don't get this. I was there - it wasn't a joke. If I said to someone "you're fat and ugly" but added ner ner ner ner ner to the end - would that make it a joke and funny?

Primrose wrote: »

Tell them No visitors until they're invited as you want time to get used to having the baby at home and that you're going to toss a Heads and Tails coin as to who gets the first invitation as you're not prepared to be held to ransom about resentment or bad feelings for the set of parents who don't get the first invitation!
Also tell your lodger she needs to be a lot more thoughtful and tactful about comments she makes to your various parents!

I will mention it to her and say she needs to think before she says things. She has said things to me I've found tactless. For example the day I found out baby has a cyst I was eating some chocolate and she told me it was no wonder there was going to be something wrong with my baby and it was all my fault he was going to have a cyst because I was eating crap.

But I suppose justme111 thinks that was a funny joke as well

annandale

You said earlier that she's usually lovely.

CRANKY40

The hotel part is easy - you wouldn't want anyone to be so tired having been kept awake by a crying baby that they weren't safe to drive home would you? :rotfl: Book them in, offer to go halves on the cost and leave them to it.

cyantist

annandale wrote: »

You said earlier that she's usually lovely.

She is and in a lot of ways she is great to have around. She probably just needs to think a bit more before she speaks.


I like your thinking cranky. Now you mention it I'm really not sure it would be safe. Especially for my dad who finds driving tiring at the best of times, and it's just as bad for the in-laws who have a 270 mile trip to do to get home.

AylesburyDuck

I understand that everyone is different, and i also understand that the transition from couple to "family unit" is strange and that some people see it as a time for asserting themselves, i've had 4 kids so trust me i do know.
However, after each and every birth i couldnt wait to show off the baby in a "look what we made, isnt s/he gorgeous" kind of a way.
It means the world to Grandparents and its such a small amount of time in the grand scale of things.
I would however point them to kettles, and maybe even be cheeky and invite them to maybe cook themselves (and you) a light meal or stack the dishwasher.:rotfl:

minimoocow

I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant and have a similar dilemma (minus the lodger!) My mum has already told me (not asked!) she is coming to see us as soon as baby is born and then when OH goes back to work she will come and stay!!! And there are OH's parents to factor in. Both parents live 3+ hours drive away. And then there are brothers and sisters who also live some distance away.

Now I get on well with my family but visits are usually a full weekend due to distance which by the Monday I am glad to be back at work! I know I won't want to host a visit when I've just given birth. If they lived closer I'd be happy with them popping in for a coffee and cuddle with the baby every day but the thought of cooking for everyone plus trying to keep a baby quiet at night when we are still settling in and I can't take it into our spare room is just a nightmare!

So our solution is to say visitors are welcome but not overnight and the kitchen is closed (i.e. don't expect to stay in a travelodge and then turn up at ours for breakfast and leave after evening meal!) Not communicated this yet but OH is fully on board. We may end up paying for people to stay in the (expensive) B&B in the village just for piece of mind. I think it is a decent compromise as I get that wider family are excited about the baby too but when they come and stay now some of them expect to be waited on and I can't see that changing which would lead to us falling out so its better for everyone if they don't stay until we are happily settled at home.