Visitors when you've just had a baby

cyantist

tensandunits wrote: »

Yes, and the sister, it turns out. I think with your first baby it can be very helpful to have someone around who's had children of their own.

Sorry I wasn't clear. My sister isn't visiting, not for a while as she has work and her own 3 to take care of. I wish she could though!

rach_k

I would plan for everybody to stay elsewhere. If that means paying £100 for a hotel, so be it. Your sanity is worth more than that! For your family, I wouldn't even say they'd have to stay the night. 2 hours driving isn't that bad. If, when it comes to it, you find you want them to stay, you can ask them to stay, but it is not nice to be up for 3 nights running with a new baby, still sore from giving birth, wondering why the **** the baby won't stop crying AND having to wonder whether your family are listening to every word you manage to sob out and thinking you're an awful mother!

cr1mson

Both my parents and in laws visited me in hospital to limit how long they were there! We then had dates in diary for them to visit when baby was older and we were more settled.

Marvel1

Which part the no visitors? The parents? Lodger?

cyantist

rach_k wrote: »

I would plan for everybody to stay elsewhere. If that means paying £100 for a hotel, so be it. Your sanity is worth more than that! For your family, I wouldn't even say they'd have to stay the night. 2 hours driving isn't that bad. If, when it comes to it, you find you want them to stay, you can ask them to stay, but it is not nice to be up for 3 nights running with a new baby, still sore from giving birth, wondering why the **** the baby won't stop crying AND having to wonder whether your family are listening to every word you manage to sob out and thinking you're an awful mother!

I think we might have to end up doing this. We would happily drive 2 hours or more, and the same back in a day but my parents make such a huge deal of driving anywhere that they wouldn't consider coming here and back in a day. It makes my dad too tired to do that much driving, and my mum can drive but never does and instead just moans about how tired my dad gets.

cr1mson wrote: »

Both my parents and in laws visited me in hospital to limit how long they were there! We then had dates in diary for them to visit when baby was older and we were more settled.

I was originally going to have a C section, and this was my cunning plan. But baby has moved at the last minute so is no longer breech and they kick you out 4 hours after a natural birth if there's no problems so I can't get away with this.

cjdavies wrote: »

Which part the no visitors? The parents? Lodger?

Any of it!

balletshoes

cyantist wrote: »

Thank you. This is actually one of the big problems I foresee with visitors. Both sets of parents seem to expect to be waited on hand and foot by my husband (his are a lot worse than mine). He will obviously want to spend as much time with his child as me, but I can imagine the parents would spend all their time cooing over the baby and "looking after it" conveniently leaving hubby free to clean up the house, tidy up after them, and make them cups of tea! And they'd actually think they are helping by doing this.

I think the no visitors idea is a good one. Still doesn't solve the who visits first problem though...

so, no visitors for 2 weeks when baby and you get home after the birth, and then tell all and sundry (including both sets of parents) that they are welcome whenever they can make arrangements to come, and just let you know once they've make their travel plans. That way you're not making the decision, its up to them to sort themselves out.

Oh - and when the visitors do arrive and are staying, tell them if you need them to do anything (even if its sticking the kettle on or washing up some dishes), don't you (or your husband) brush off the offers of help, take them up on every single one .

Fireflyaway

Probably not what you want to hear but I say just tolerate it. They only get to see their grandchild for the first time once and its great they are so keen than showing no interest. Its a couple of days max by the sounds of it.
If the grandparents use some sense they will offer to stay in a hotel / make the visit brief of their own accord. They once had a newborn too.
Be proud of your new baby and thankful you have an excited and interested family.

Doody

tensandunits wrote: »

You may appreciate having somebody around to help you with the baby, especially if it's your first one. You don't know yet how you will feel (apart from tired!) so why not leave it until after baby's arrived, and talk with your parents and in-laws then?

People around to do household chores are good, but what help does a new parent need with the baby? This is time for bonding with the new child.

In our days we took literally the idea of a baby moon as recommended by Sheila Kitzinger and others, had firm visiting hours and a sign on the door saying we were sleeping and had a new baby DO NOT DISTURB. It worked.

The last thing you want are people who expect to be hosted but are willing to 'help' by holding the baby while you put the kettle on and do the washing up.

If distance is a problem, then the travelodge up the road is an idea to be taken seriously. Ensure clear boundaries around time are understood by all visitors.

comeandgo

Goodness, is this what the young generation have come to. It's just giving birth, it's a baby, it's a lovely experience for all the family, grandparents too. You seem to be expecting problems, I take it this is your first child? They sleep, feed, Shxt, sleep, feed, shxt. Oh and cry when they want. It's not rocket science.

LilElvis

comeandgo wrote: »

Goodness, is this what the young generation have come to. It's just giving birth, it's a baby, it's a lovely experience for all the family, grandparents too. You seem to be expecting problems, I take it this is your first child? They sleep, feed, Shxt, sleep, feed, shxt. Oh and cry when they want. It's not rocket science.

And then the grandparents will need breakfast, lunch and dinner. Beds changed. Bathrooms cleaned. Juggling their needs with that of the baby. Worrying about them being kept awake by a screaming baby in the early hours whilst Mum is getting stressed about "latching on". Feeling physically c##p from episiotomy or Caesarian. 7 adults and a baby in a confined space. Not my idea of a nice way to enjoy those precious first few days.

And I'm not a Millennial Snowflake - I'm going to be 50 on Friday and I had my daughter 6 years ago. Fortunately my parents and MIL understood and just visited for the day, despite a couple of hours journey each way and all being 70+.