This would be funny if I wasn't so upset. Don't know what to think

Pop_Up_Pirate

MXW wrote: »

Holy?

I've already explained many times why I did what I did, and that I overreacted.
During all the time we have been together this is the first time we have had a blip.....We have never so much as had a cross word, he ended it without warning, like he did the first time round (and there hadn't even had a blip then. No normal person ends a relationship over one misunderstanding, which they have received an apology for. I couldn't have discussed this with him on the night, because he would have probably just shut down, and probably ended it anyway. All relationships have a disagreement, but surely when things are going so well (and he has said they were) you wouldn't end it when it was a first time disagreement. It doesn't make sense.

It doesn't have to make sense to you.
Couples often break up for reasons that don't make sense to the person who wanted to continue in the relationship.
You're not looking at the bigger picture from his perspective. You're only looking at your own situation and considering your own feelings/emotions.

That night might have seemed like one blip to you, but to him it might have been the final straw.

justme111

MXW wrote: »

Have you been drinking?

No. Honesty, I drink rarely and little. MSE forum is my vice
You see , other people understood my post and you , who the topic is closest to and would be most motivated to understand - have not. Instead you made it about my perceived shortcomings (drinking). See the pattern ?
I posted on the topic because I am female as well , I can relate to ruminating on what went wrong after being dumped and on disappointment of how difficult it is to find a relationship and then when you do having it broken without understanding the reasons. So when I see a fellow female with what could be gaps in her reasoning that stop her from understanding I am trying to help.

onomatopoeia99

MXW wrote: »

Holy?

I've already explained many times why I did what I did, and that I overreacted.
During all the time we have been together this is the first time we have had a blip.....We have never so much as had a cross word, he ended it without warning

"Blip" - you threw a tantrum and stormed off and accused him of not wanting you there. Bit more than a "blip". Some people can do that, blow off steam, make jibes at someone they profess to care about and then apologise as far as they are concerned afterward everything is fine. Other people that don't react like that ever (I'm one - I haven't shouted at anyone in anger since before puberty, for example) and while slow to get upset - no zero to stropping in five seconds - once it has happened people like me tend to stay upset, an apology doesn't make it all go away as if nothing had happened. We can take a lot and don't wound easily, but nor do those wounds heal quickly once inflicted.

You've shown him a bullying and controlling side to your personality, because be in no doubt, throwing a tantrum is about control and trying to emotionally bully the person you are stropping at, and perhaps he's decided he can't cope with that in his life and the gain from the relationship isn't worth the potential pain it can bring, at least not to him.

Regarding this "straight talking" - honesty in communication is important, but it can be framed in terms that are kind and considerate of the other person's feelings. The mouth should not open until the brain has thought about what will come out and the effect those words will have on the person that hears them. That doesn't prevent honesty, but it should prevent making everything sound like an accusation.

getmore4less

You seem to have ignored the question about what happens at your place.

Were you ever mixing your lives, going out with each others friends or family.

For teenager going out terms have you had the "meet the parents" moment.


6 months in what you describe as serious committed relationship and you can't stop over, not sure you are where you think you are.


I am with PuP on this there is stuff bubbling in the background you just don't see it.

getmore4less

MXW wrote: »

Holy?

I've already explained many times why I did what I did, and that I overreacted.
During all the time we have been together this is the first time we have had a blip.....We have never so much as had a cross word, he ended it without warning, like he did the first time round (and there hadn't even had a blip then. No normal person ends a relationship over one misunderstanding, which they have received an apology for. I couldn't have discussed this with him on the night, because he would have probably just shut down, and probably ended it anyway. All relationships have a disagreement, but surely when things are going so well (and he has said they were) you wouldn't end it when it was a first time disagreement. It doesn't make sense.

Just to pick up on this point as you have mentioned it a few time.

This is the standard defense mechanism to not have to talk about issues, tell her everything is great and she won't nag/challenge me about...


On the night it was not about a discussion it was about making a graceful exit and not creating a scene.

MXW

I take on board many of the comments that have been said. I still fail to understand how it is ok for him to walk out on my birthday with no explanation, end the relationship without any explanation, then 2 weeks later contact me, saying he had made a massive mistake and it was because he had not been in a relationship for a long time and didn't know how to handle it. Isn't that the kind of behaviour that I'm being accused of?

Primrose

He sounds like a person who can't cope well with any individual personal crisis or pressure. On those grounds alone he doesn't sound a very satisfactory potential long term partner, however strong your feelings are for him.
Maybe you have to keep telling yourself this whenever you still have a regretful moment.

MXW

Primrose wrote: »

He sounds like a person who can't cope well with any individual personal crisis or pressure. On those grounds alone he doesn't sound a very satisfactory potential long term partner, however strong your feelings are for him.
Maybe you have to keep telling yourself this whenever you still have a regretful moment.

I have got health problems at the moment, which have been ongoing for a while now, I have monthly injections, and have to cope with many side effects. But your observation is exactly why I didn't tell him, because he wouldn't be able to cope and probably would have a bit of a crisis.

thorsoak

How do you have a relationship with someone without telling them about health issues? Surely being in a relationship means trust and truth between two people. If you did not feel he would be able to cope with your issues, then it would imply - to me at least - that you could not trust him.

MXW

thorsoak wrote: »

How do you have a relationship with someone without telling them about health issues? Surely being in a relationship means trust and truth between two people. If you did not feel he would be able to cope with your issues, then it would imply - to me at least - that you could not trust him.

It's not that I don't trust him, but I know what he's like, he would get in an unnecessary panic. His son went abroad recently and he was beside himself with worry. It's how he is.