This would be funny if I wasn't so upset. Don't know what to think

getmore4less

MXW wrote: »

In terms of him saying he can't remember what I said when he ended the relationship first time round.......would you seriously forget what had been said, if you had ended your relationship on the basis of that comment?

Do it all the time where there has been conflict, I don't let things fester in my mind for long, I move on.

Where there is a need for something more permanent I still don't remember the details just some key to avoid a repeat.

Maybe women are more tuned into remembering things so they can drag up the past at will.

MXW

getmore4less wrote: »

Do it all the time where there has been conflict, I don't let things fester in my mind for long, I move on.

Where there is a need for something more permanent I still don't remember the details just some key to avoid a repeat.

Maybe women are more tuned into remembering things so they can drag up the past at will.

I don't think it's a case of dragging up the past at will, it's about trying to understand why a pattern is emerging. In any event it's over now, and as much as I still care about him, I have to accept that he is what he is, and move on.

Primrose

Just try and remind yourself of all the things about him you DIDN'T like. Perhaps reinforcing those in your brain and relating them to the everyday things you do going forward will cause you to reflect that more often than not the misunderstandings would become daily niggles as your everyday routines and practices differed.

MXW

Primrose wrote: »

Just try and remind yourself of all the things about him you DIDN'T like. Perhaps reinforcing those in your brain and relating them to the everyday things you do going forward will cause you to reflect that more often than not the misunderstandings would become daily niggles as your everyday routines and practices differed.

You are right in what you are saying. I think the problem is that I had accepted his explanation for the reason he ended it before (being on his own too long), and this time round, he seriously hasn't put a foot wrong. Everything was fine until Saturday night. As for the person he is, I had accepted who he was, and had hoped that the longer we were in a relationship, the more he would adapt to being in a couple. I think I have got to accept it's not a matter of him no not wanting to change, I don't think he can.

Primrose

Most people are able to adapt slowly over time and reach an accommodation over their differences. For some it just proves a step too far out of their comfort zone and it was obviously the fear that he wouldn't be able to cope that triggered the incident in question. Long term he will be the loser but if he'd rather live the rest of his life in a lonely state, that's his decision.


What you have to decide now is how you will feel and react if yet again at some time in the future he decides he has got it wrong and wants to have another try. I think for most people a double rejection would prove enough rather than hoping to prove "third time lucky".

getmore4less

MXW wrote: »

You are right in what you are saying. I think the problem is that I had accepted his explanation for the reason he ended it before (being on his own too long), and this time round, he seriously hasn't put a foot wrong. Everything was fine until Saturday night. As for the person he is, I had accepted who he was, and had hoped that the longer we were in a relationship, the more he would adapt to being in a couple. I think I have got to accept it's not a matter of him no not wanting to change, I don't think he can.

At the rate you were going, once a week(not every week) after 5 months, that would probably have been another 18+ months, if you had survived the weekend away and upped the frequency to more than once a week maybe a little shorter.

MXW

Primrose wrote: »

Most people are able to adapt slowly over time and reach an accommodation over their differences. For some it just proves a step too far out of their comfort zone and it was obviously the fear that he wouldn't be able to cope that triggered the incident in question. Long term he will be the loser but if he'd rather live the rest of his life in a lonely state, that's his decision.


What you have to decide now is how you will feel and react if yet again at some time in the future he decides he has got it wrong and wants to have another try. I think for most people a double rejection would prove enough rather than hoping to prove "third time lucky".

I know that when he's calmed down, he will reflect on this and regret it. I do try and understand that the way he sees it, is that I've hurt him and the only way he can cope with it is to go back to his single status.

Despite everything I have said about him, he is not a bad person. Ironically, he is very well liked...But he likes his routine and comfort. He lives in the same village he has born in, goes to the same local pub, has the same friends from school. I know that some of the things we had done (that most people do regularly), are out of his comfort zone.

As much as I care about him, I don't think I could do it for a third time, I have to think about my own health and well-being. As you have said, I don't need another child.

MXW

He's returned my belongings, and sent a cheque for the cancelled weekend away.

I sent him a WhatsApp message thanking him for sending them, and he hasn't even read the message....So now he's cut me off!

What a lucky escape I've had!

Primrose

Well the fact that he has scurried down his wormhole as quickly as possible says it all. He's probably embarrassed at his behaviour and feeling somewhat inadequate at his inability to cope with being outside his comfort zone. He obviously returned your belongings in a way which involved not having to have a face to face inter-action with you. He obviously didnt have the guts and courage to do that. Bit of a coward really.