This would be funny if I wasn't so upset. Don't know what to think

pebbles88

Can't offer any advice as op has decided to delete the first post.

Why do people do that!

JadedAngel88

I viewed the cache of the original post, didn't re-post it as its often frowned upon.

Nothing exciting, read like a couple of teenagers having a tiff.

I'm guessing OP deleted as she/he didn't like the replies.

MXW

pebbles88 wrote: »

Can't offer any advice as op has decided to delete the first post.

Why do people do that!

I apologise for deleting the post, it's not something I have ever done before. I was upset yesterday, and am still upset today. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But telling me I am a drama queen and we are acting like a couple of teenagers, wasn't helpful to me.

Maybe I over reacted on the night, but that was probably due to how he has been in the past..... Maybe we were acting like a couple of teenagers in other people's view, but I am genuinely upset by this, and some of the comments made me feel more upset. I thought it was best to withdraw the post.

Pop_Up_Pirate

MXW wrote: »

I apologise for deleting the post, it's not something I have ever done before. I was upset yesterday, and am still upset today. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But telling me I am a drama queen and we are acting like a couple of teenagers, wasn't helpful to me.

Maybe I over reacted on the night, but that was probably due to how he has been in the past..... Maybe we were acting like a couple of teenagers in other people's view, but I am genuinely upset by this, and some of the comments made me feel more upset. I thought it was best to withdraw the post.

Isn't that a bit childish in itself?
"I don't like what's being said/done so I'm taking my ball home"

MXW

Pop_Up_Pirate wrote: »

Isn't that a bit childish in itself?
"I don't like what's being said/done so I'm taking my ball home"

I've just said why I deleted it.

Primrose

Whoops comments deleted! Posted them on the wrong thread

Primrose

MXW wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I think you are right, maybe we have got out of the habit of being in a relationship. Everyone is different, and I wouldn't want to change him (although it is frustrating), it's when he says he doesn't know how he feels, and then contridictes himself, almost straight away. I'm upset because he did exactly the same thing last year, and I'm wondering what happens next.

Yes this is obviously a worrying pattern and suggests at best that despite what he says he still feels a certain ambivilance about your relationship. He obviously still has doubts about its long term permanence and his ability to adapt. People who live alone for long periods of their lives can probably get quite scared at the thought of having to make massive behaviour changes to accommodate the lifestyle of another person.

I can only suggest you give him some space to contemplate all this. He's possibly regretting that in his enthusiasm he allowed his impetuosity to move things ahead more quickly than he really wanted with suggestions of weekends away, etc. We've probably all done something like this at some point and then wanted to backtrack.

My guess is he's still running scared about all the possible changes being with you permanently might cause to his life. Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder so give him some "absence" and let him work through these issues in his own time. You may have to end up with some kind of permanent compromise if he's that important to you and he feels unready to commit to a full on relationship.

Could you live with that long term knowing it might ruin your chances of possibly building a better relationship with somebody else in the future?

MXW

Primrose wrote: »

Yes this is obviously a worrying pattern and suggests at best that despite what he says he still feels a certain ambivilance about your relationship. He obviously still has doubts about its long term permanence and his ability to adapt. People who live alone for long periods of their lives can probably get quite scared at the thought of having to make massive behaviour changes to accommodate the lifestyle of another person.

I can only suggest you give him some space to contemplate all this. He's possibly regretting that in his enthusiasm he allowed his impetuosity to move things ahead more quickly than he really wanted with suggestions of weekends away, etc. We've probably all done something like this at some point and then wanted to backtrack.

My guess is he's still running scared about all the possible changes being with you permanently might cause to his life. Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder so give him some "absence" and let him work through these issues in his own time. You may have to end up with some kind of permanent compromise if he's that important to you and he feels unready to commit to a full on relationship.

Could you live with that long term knowing it might ruin your chances of possibly building a better relationship with somebody else in the future?

When he ended it last year, he said it was for varying reasons but none of them made sense. Then 2 weeks later he contacted me to say he had made a mistake,and it was because he had been on his own for too long.

When he contacted me again in September, he admitted that he had been scared, but while he had been working away he had plenty of time to think, and he realised that he missed me and that he had been a fool.

Funny you should mention about accommodating another person in your life, because in actual fact, he's me that does the accommodating, and I'm fine with that....It works for me. When he works away, I don't see him, but get on with my life and that's that. He said yesterday that we had maybe got into a routine, and that we only see each other once a week. I said that suited me, but was he suggesting we should see each other more? He said that, that couldn't happen because of our jobs, and he sees his kids on a Sunday. That's not strictly true, because we could see each other in the week during an evening if we wanted to, but it's never occurred to me, and I'm happy with how things are. He also said that next week he was working away again and it wasn't fair on me or him. I said that I had never had an issue with him working away, which he had to agree that I hadn't. It was only last Tuesday that he text he saying that I brighten up his life and he loves being with me, and text me again Thursday saying that he misses me. He is not a player, and I do believe he means them. The weekend away was his idea, I rang him before I booked it to make sure that he was absolutely sure he wanted to go, and he was all for it. He's constantly talked about it since, saying he can't wait to go. I admit I over reacted on Saturday, but that was probably because of our history, but I feel now he is blowing it all out of proportion. He told me that he hadn't had a relationship for so long, that he didn't know what they were all about anymore. I told him all relationships have ups and downs, but you don't end it, because of a little spat.
i think you are right that he needs time.....In my opinion he's sulking and will come round when he's ready.

When I asked him if his feelings had changed for me, he said that he didn't know, then said they may have and he realised this about 2 weeks ago. When I asked him if he felt like that Saturday night, he said definitely not...You know that, then went on to say that everything was fine until the end of the night, and he can't be doing with it.

I care about him a great deal, he is a good person, but really not articulate when he has discuss an issue, and he readily admits this. He said that while I can say what I think, he can't think of the right words, and needs to think about it.

I am dreading him ringing tonight (assuming that he rings), because I really don't know how to handle it. If that makes me like a teenager, then so be it. I don't want things to end, but know things can't carry on like this, every time we have a disagreement.

Pollycat

I find it pretty odd that you've removed your original post but are continuing to post about something that happened between you and a chap (I didn't see your original post so have no idea of the relationship between you) and clearly upset you.

MXW

Pollycat wrote: »

I find it pretty odd that you've removed your original post but are continuing to post about something that happened between you and a chap (I didn't see your original post so have no idea of the relationship between you) and clearly upset you.

Because I replied to a posting from primrose.