Feeling pretty desperate

Dird

My nephew really likes holding phones & putting his dummy in a cup of tea, maybe she's trying to do the same?

surveyqueenuk

Proxima_Centauri wrote: »

That's what I was wondering, when people suggested she's adopted the baby on her own!

Perhaps OP is really Madonna?

Seriously though, this is textbook behaviour. It has diddly squat to do with the fact she is adopted and 100% to do with her age. I am glad you are getting plenty of reassurance here.

As for the ADs, well they do take a few weeks to kick in and it's not a sudden thing either. You'll just notice that you haven't felt quite so bad recently.

It will be ok!

jackieblack

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

The OP adopted a baby on their own? Can you even do that in the UK?

Proxima_Centauri wrote: »

That's what I was wondering, when people suggested she's adopted the baby on her own!

yes!
https://www.gov.uk/child-adoption/overview


Who can adopt a child

You may be able to adopt a child if you’re aged 21 or over (there’s no upper age limit) and either:

• single
• married
• in a civil partnership
• an unmarried couple (same sex and opposite sex)
• the partner of the child’s parent

thriftylass

picklekin wrote: »

Hi all,

Some may remember me from my journey to try to have a baby of my own. I have since (5 months ago approx) adopted a little girl who is now about a year and a half.

I'm currently staying home to look after her and feel I'm falling so badly. Everyone who sees her says what a happy little child she is, but she rarely seems to be when it's just us. She seems to want everything she can't have that's the nature of this age unfortunately, her toys are untouched Play with them, my DD always wanted what I or someone else had, so if I dared to play with them, she wanted them. You put a cup of coffee down for one second just don't , all my cups are still in a safe place most days and she makes a bee line. She cries all the time as I can't let her have these things ignore this if possible (really hard some days), tantrums and crying were a big issue in our household and the only thing that worked was ignoring undesired behaviour (tantrums) and reward good behaviour. I've made the house as safe as possible, but seems she always finds SOMETHING she shouldn't have. She throws the food I make on the floor don't make elaborate meals, rather try finger foods she can choose from, give here a selection you know she'll like some off, as a previous poster says, don't wait too long, if not eaten or thrown away, take it away and don't give her anything else till the next meal. I feel like I'm getting to breaking point.

I've called family and just get the laughing response of "well that's children for you" (followed by endless anicdotes of things their children do or I did when I was a child) I've called the doctor (when I can get through) and he's put me on some antidepressants which don't seem to really work (I couldn't get through again last week and had to just put in a repeat request hoping he'd call me but he just filled the prescription). I've tried making friends what about your and your partners current circle of friends? through groups to talk to, but they already HAVE friends, ones they went through anti natal groups etc with). People are polite, but no one I can open up to. Agree, try looking for adoption based groups there are usually some in your area

I just feel so alone and so lost, I'm worried I'm doing everything wrongI firmly believe you're not. I even shouted a bit at her earlier for crying.same here, not proud of it, but they know how to push our buttons...

I'm sorry if this comes out as a wall of text, I'm typing on my phone as I can't leave her to get to my PC.

Hi,

I feel for you. You've been thrown in at the deep end when it comes to child behaviour. The ages 1-3 years were the most testing with mine esp DD (I have two children). I listed a couple of tips up above in red. Good luck, it will get better. There are already a few good tips from the previous posters esp trying to take her out every single day, the park, soft play etc

Money_maker

OP's original thread https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5505145 about the adoption. She has an OH too so hopefully getting support.


The book 'toddler taming' was very helpful when my boys were small although the wonderful world of t'internet wasn't so accessible as it is now. Support is here practically 24/7 so you don't need to feel alone.

beckysbobbles1

You need to cut yourself some slack - you're doing an amazing job!!


You've given that little girl a solid chance in life. You are doing everything right.


I don't have children so I can only imagine how difficult this must be but you need a good support network around you.


It seems like your family/friends are not fully understanding the situation. Can you try speaking to someone you're closest with to explain fully how you feel?


Perhaps there are some specialist adoption support groups you could attend? Or look online for some forums.


It sounds like you need a solid routine and to keep yourselves busy. Maybe regular swimming lessons, trips to the library or park and also some mummy time. Give yourself some space to breathe.


You can handle this xxx

heartbreak_star

Picklekin, I think you're amazing for adopting after all your heartache

I don't have children myself so no advice unfortunately, but you have done a wonderful thing to give that little girl a loving family

HBS x

Mojisola

picklekin wrote: »

Some may remember me from my journey to try to have a baby of my own. I have since (5 months ago approx) adopted a little girl who is now about a year and a half.

You have stepped into the role of being a parent without the learning curve others go through from birth onwards. By eighteen months, most parents have realised that just when you think you've got the hang of it, little one progresses to another stage and you're suddenly dealing with new issues.

You may be expecting too much of yourself because you haven't had the earlier experience. Your daughter has been given the wonderful gift of parents - you don't have be perfect - I don't think perfect parents exist and they would be very hard for a child to live up to.

There is something about your own children at home that can drive a parent up the wall. I used to have no problems with a class of 30+ at school but my two could make me completely lose it at times - that's normal life.

picklekin

Thank you for all your replies.

Yes, I have an OH and... He isn't bad. He does help. He comes home to do bath/bed, and he gets her up too.

I'm a member of so many groups, swimming, singing, normal playgroups. We do something everyday nearly. We go for walks.. I try creative and sensory play. I go to am adoption group once a month. I'm even in the WI. I feel like I've tried everything. The trouble is there is always dark times (esp lunch!). I just feel I lose it, I feel I get so annoyed I'm almost cruel (ie when she cries at what I've made her for dinner I just walk away).

I don't have many close friends anymore, and none that live close. I can't make it to even acquaintance level with anyone from groups despite trying. (I'm naturally shy but I do put myself out there, make small talk etc).

I'll have a look at some of the links people have listed, and thanks again for all the replies, it does help

Oakdene

It can be hard trying to make friends, but you mention playgroups & things. If your daughter regularly plays with another child in the playgroup, you could possibly make small talk with the childs parent, maybe asking 'how old is he/she' etc....