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People thinking that you think that you are better than them

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  • Lunar_Eclipse
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    It's either jealousy, resentment (at how you have been held as the 'good example') and/or arrogance.

    The fact that you mention a £200 Hugo Boss watch and some of your family lacking class was funny, because I don't view a Boss watch as classy, nor particularly expensive. When thinking about classy and expensive watches, brands like Rolex, Philippe Patek and Omega spring to mind. It's all relative though. ��
  • Lunar_Eclipse
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    It's also weird (crass) to talk about how much things cost. Next time you're asked, why don't you just say you can't remember, but it's a cheap one from EBay, the market or something ...
  • theoretica
    theoretica Posts: 12,371 Forumite
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    If you want to 'be yourself' and choose your own behaviour, other people will choose how they see you. If you want other people to see you how you choose, then you need to alter your behaviour to adjust this.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
  • tea_lover
    tea_lover Posts: 8,261 Forumite
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    Person_one wrote: »
    So what are the odds of the OP coming back to the thread do we think?

    Or will he just ignore it till it drops off the front page, and then pop back up with a new 'dilemma' (and a new reason to tell us about his above average salary) in a couple of weeks?

    Like the thread started on the employment board last night? :rotfl:
  • Andrew_Ryan_89
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    Zeni wrote: »
    This. Imagine if your cousins grow up hearing there parents, uncles aunties etc always talking about how great an example you are.I bet it would be hard not to get jealous. That doesn't mean they aren't in the wrong, but if its been happening for a while the resentment in them could of built up.

    (Or as someone else said..maybe you could being arrogant and not realise you are, don't know you personally and its hard to judge just one side! )

    To an extent. The praise I get is not constant in a way that it is all we talk about. It usually comes from someone asking me "what am I doing now", me responding and them saying how well I am doing. A lot of the time my cousins may not even be in ear shot. Also, I do reflect on myself all the time and know when I am being rude, arrogant etc. and in this situation it is definitely not the case.

    For example, I brought my now wife to a family dinner soon after we got engaged. The men all congratulated me (sorry if this sounds sexist, just an observation. Just noticed it is literally only the female cousins that display jealousy) and so did the women. It was the topic of conversation for about 5 minutes and most of that was me telling them how I did it, when is the wedding going to be and so on. From then on, my wife (keep in mind that she does not even know my cousins too well) would just get stupid comments about her ring and her being "upper class".

    We can be talking about something completely random or watching TV and get sarcastic comments comparing us to the Beckhams or our names just being brought up in any situation to compare us to snobs. Back to my OP in regards to the car. When I got it one of my cousins asked how much it cost me every month. I mentioned I got it cash which she was amazed. No problem in that.

    Sitting around doing nothing and out of no where "Did you know Andy paid £10k for his car upfront?" in a very snarky tone. Why do you feel the need to bring up my business like that?
  • Andrew_Ryan_89
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    Lily-Rose wrote: »
    I must admit, if I was at a point where spending an extra fiver would mean I couldn't afford my gas bill this month, I wouldn't be out dining with rich friends!

    Having said that, I kind of agree with the sentiment. If I go out with 3 other people for lunch, and it's just to wetherspoons, and my meal and drink was £7 in total and the bill (for all 4 of us) was £35 so I ended up paying £8.75, I wouldn't fuss about it. However, if I was out at a more expensive 'flashy' place, and my food and drink came to £15, and the total bill for everyone worked out at £30 each because of some greedy wine guzzling gannet, I'd refuse to subsidise them and would only pay my £15.

    Fair enough. I think with the bill thing the circumstances were such that is was appropriate to split the bill. My point with that comment was that I suggested it as we were struggling to split and instead of getting a simple no, I was greeted by a snarky and embarrassing comment.

    I typically split a food bill when I am out with friends but have no problem stating my intentions just to pay for my share. I also never split a drinks bill and let them know from the start so I understand that it is not for everyone. It was just the comments back I did not appreciate.
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
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    Fair enough. I think with the bill thing the circumstances were such that is was appropriate to split the bill. My point with that comment was that I suggested it as we were struggling to split and instead of getting a simple no, I was greeted by a snarky and embarrassing comment.

    I typically split a food bill when I am out with friends but have no problem stating my intentions just to pay for my share. I also never split a drinks bill and let them know from the start so I understand that it is not for everyone. It was just the comments back I did not appreciate.

    Andrew - it would appear that there are a lot of comments that you don't understand - may I give you a bit of advice - it is far better to say nothing and be thought a fool, than to say anything and to prove that you are a fool.
  • Andrew_Ryan_89
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    thorsoak wrote: »
    Andrew - it would appear that there are a lot of comments that you don't understand - may I give you a bit of advice - it is far better to say nothing and be thought a fool, than to say anything and to prove that you are a fool.

    Not sure I understand what you are talking about? The post you are responding to I was just clearing something up. In regards to the bill, I have no problem with people saying that they will pay for their own stuff but the snarky comments after are just unnecessary. That is all I was getting at.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,797 Forumite
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    To an extent. The praise I get is not constant in a way that it is all we talk about. It usually comes from someone asking me "what am I doing now", me responding and them saying how well I am doing. A lot of the time my cousins may not even be in ear shot. Also, I do reflect on myself all the time and know when I am being rude, arrogant etc. and in this situation it is definitely not the case.
    I think you're missing the point, Andrew.
    Arrogance tends to be a trait that other people perceive in someone else, rather than the person being aware that they are being arroganrt.

    Therefore, even if you don't think you are displaying arrogance, it may well be that the company you are in feel that you are indeed being arrogant.
    For example, I brought my now wife to a family dinner soon after we got engaged. The men all congratulated me (sorry if this sounds sexist, just an observation. Just noticed it is literally only the female cousins that display jealousy) and so did the women. It was the topic of conversation for about 5 minutes and most of that was me telling them how I did it, when is the wedding going to be and so on. From then on, my wife (keep in mind that she does not even know my cousins too well) would just get stupid comments about her ring and her being "upper class".
    It does sound sexist to me - and would have put my back up (as a female) big-style.
    A polite person would congratulate the couple.
    We can be talking about something completely random or watching TV and get sarcastic comments comparing us to the Beckhams or our names just being brought up in any situation to compare us to snobs. Back to my OP in regards to the car. When I got it one of my cousins asked how much it cost me every month. I mentioned I got it cash which she was amazed. No problem in that.

    Sitting around doing nothing and out of no where "Did you know Andy paid £10k for his car upfront?" in a very snarky tone. Why do you feel the need to bring up my business like that?
    You said in your original post that you don't meet up with your family that much so is it really such a big deal to you?

    I'd either let it wash over me and ignore all questions that relate to how much I'd paid for x or start to decline family invitations.
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
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    Not sure I understand what you are talking about? The post you are responding to I was just clearing something up. In regards to the bill, I have no problem with people saying that they will pay for their own stuff but the snarky comments after are just unnecessary. That is all I was getting at.

    I'm sorry Andrew - I was not merely responding to your quote - but to your questions in general. Take it as some life advice.
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