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People thinking that you think that you are better than them

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  • ThemeOne
    ThemeOne Posts: 1,471 Forumite
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    You say you don't have many friends, maybe this is the time to find some, then you will have stuff going on outside what seems to have become something of a poisonous family circle. It's a hackneyed saying, but has so much truth in it - you can choose your friends but not your family.
  • Zeni
    Zeni Posts: 424 Forumite
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    I am always talked about among my parents, uncles, aunts and grandparents as the example of the family (out of my cousins). I am the first to get married, buy my own home, always had a good job and seen as the smart one.

    This. Imagine if your cousins grow up hearing there parents, uncles aunties etc always talking about how great an example you are.I bet it would be hard not to get jealous. That doesn't mean they aren't in the wrong, but if its been happening for a while the resentment in them could of built up.

    (Or as someone else said..maybe you could being arrogant and not realise you are, don't know you personally and its hard to judge just one side! )
    Swagbuckling since Aug 2016 - Earnings so far.. £55.
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,633 Forumite
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    You can't change peoples' attitudes or the built in resentment some people will always feel towards those who have somehow made better use of their talents and abilities than they have. Often it!s not even about money as such but about other things such as hobbies or lifestyle choices which other people mistakenly use to class you as"snobs". We happen to enjoy the theatre and classical music but mention casually to certain people that we went to a classical music concert and heard Bach, Mozart, Rachmaninov, etc and we would be regarded as being socially arrogant or showing off. To chide somebody for wearing a suit when they have just come straight from a work environment where this is normal attire in my view just reveals an equally inverted kind of snobbery, and probably a large chip on the shoulder to boot.

    In the end there's nothing you can do unless you challenge people to justify their antagonism but this only causes greater division. I think in the end people just quietly choose to mix in their own circles with acquaintances who are like minded. The secret though is just to rise above all the jibes and pretend they don't hurt, even when they do. That is what good manners and social etiquette is all about.
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
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    edited 31 January 2017 at 8:10PM
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    After my aunts and uncles calmed them down one of my other cousins came and said "you do come across very arrogant".

    A little bit of self reflection may be a good idea here.

    We all have our flaws, I'm an annoying bloody know-it-all so I do my best to keep on top of that in real life, because I realise its not an attractive quality.

    I'm going to guess from your previous posts and your first few paragraphs here that there is some truth to what your quieter cousin told you, and that its probably getting a bit irritating for the rest of them that you are considered by the elders (and apparently you consider yourself) to be the 'good example'!

    Oh, and its very poor form for the wealthiest member of a group to suggest an equal split of a bill for dinner!
  • ThemeOne
    ThemeOne Posts: 1,471 Forumite
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    Person_one wrote: »
    Oh, and its very poor form for the wealthiest member of a group to suggest an equal split of a bill for dinner!

    Completely agree. In fact no matter what people's respective wealth I think equally splitting bills often causes resentment.
  • Lily-Rose_3
    Lily-Rose_3 Posts: 2,732 Forumite
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    As a few people have said, it's hard to judge without knowing you, but I certainly think that people are mean and spiteful and catty about people they feel threatened by or are jealous of.

    My hubby used to work in a dead end factory job on minimum pay, and is now in a well paid I.T. job (after retraining for a new career.) He is also good looking (full head of hair, nice teeth, good genes, classically handsome,) and every time we see one of his ex work colleagues who work in the factory he used to work in, they make a snide remark about his pen pusher job, or they come out with 'I.T. is for the terminally stupid' type comments ... (Is that why he is on 2 to 3 x more money than you then then sucker?!)

    And there is always a comment about his weight, (he is 2 stone overweight max!) or his greying hair, or some other comment about his appearance. And they ALWAYS come from a toothless, greasy looking chav with a pot belly.

    We have a beautiful daughter who has just graduated from uni and has a fantastic job paying more than many of her friends in her peer group. Cue the b1tchy remarks about how it's pointless going to uni. 'I mean, you can have a good life and career without it can't you?!' (Unsurprisingly, this always comes from people whose kids didn't go to uni and whose children of our daughter's age are on their 2nd or 3rd child, and failed their GCSE's...) I don't give a stuff if they went to uni or not, and never comment, but they feel the need to make snarky remarks about our daughter going. (This attitude comes not only from ex colleagues of my hubby's, but also from the odd acquaintance, so-called friend, and even the odd extended family member.')

    Every last comment boils down to one thing; jealousy. We don't brag about anything, or volunteer any information - we simply answer questions if asked. Some people who feel we are more successful than them somehow, respond with snide and b1tchy remarks. Don't care. All we think is 'don't hate me coz you ain't me.' :D
    Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!


    You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more! :D
  • Dakota_Deville
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    It happened to me years ago. The funny thing is my cousins were a lot wealthier than me, had a Merc CLAS/AMG and 6 series bmw boguth new not leased/rednted, a very big victorian detached house in nice part of leeds/roundhay, good job - they were jealous becsue at the time I too bought a brand new M class, have a nice family, bought a nice detached home but nothing close to theirs, but they were just jealous as they saw me being more clever and I beahved differently to them, but like you, EG watch tv a lot, not go out as much, miss parties and get togehters but when we attended, I did not drink and got drunk like them - its pure, 100% envy

    Free tip to you - DON'T CHANGE
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,633 Forumite
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    [QUOTE=Person_one;72023929.........

    Oh, and its very poor form for the wealthiest member of a group to suggest an equal split of a bill for dinner![/QUOTE]

    I totally agree with this. To do so is insensitive. Sometimes you just have to be prepared to trade down or agree to an solution that is affordable for the poorer members of the group, remembering that whilst the different may not appear a huge sum to you, for them it could be the difference between shorting on their rent or gas bill.
  • Lily-Rose_3
    Lily-Rose_3 Posts: 2,732 Forumite
    edited 31 January 2017 at 8:45PM
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    Primrose wrote: »
    I totally agree with this. To do so is insensitive. Sometimes you just have to be prepared to trade down or agree to an solution that is affordable for the poorer members of the group, remembering that whilst the different may not appear a huge sum to you, for them it could be the difference between shorting on their rent or gas bill.

    I must admit, if I was at a point where spending an extra fiver would mean I couldn't afford my gas bill this month, I wouldn't be out dining with rich friends!

    Having said that, I kind of agree with the sentiment. If I go out with 3 other people for lunch, and it's just to wetherspoons, and my meal and drink was £7 in total and the bill (for all 4 of us) was £35 so I ended up paying £8.75, I wouldn't fuss about it. However, if I was out at a more expensive 'flashy' place, and my food and drink came to £15, and the total bill for everyone worked out at £30 each because of some greedy wine guzzling gannet, I'd refuse to subsidise them and would only pay my £15.
    Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!


    You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more! :D
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
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    Lily-Rose wrote: »
    I must admit, if I was at a point where spending an extra fiver would mean I couldn't afford my gas bill this month, I wouldn't be out dining with rich friends!

    Having said that, I kind of agree with the sentiment. If I go out with 3 other people for lunch, and it's just to wetherspoons, and my meal and drink was £7 in total and the bill (for all 4 of us) was £35 so I ended up paying £8.75, I wouldn't fuss about it. However, if I was out at a more expensive 'flashy' place, and my food and drink came to £15, and the total bill for everyone worked out at £30 each because of some greedy wine guzzling gannet, I'd refuse to subsidise them and would only pay my £15.


    I suspect this thread could end up being a repeat of this 105 page one if we're not careful! :rotfl:

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5440372&highlight=splitting+the+bill&page=105
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