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People thinking that you think that you are better than them

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  • rach_k
    rach_k Posts: 2,236 Forumite
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    To me, it sounds like this is a problem caused by the parents. What kind of mum/dad/aunt/uncle compares children (including grown-up children) like that, especially when the children can hear? There's no need for it at all. You can say, "Well done, Bob" without having to say, "Well done, Bob, you're doing so well compared to the rest of the cousins."

    OP, you say you brush off praise but do you say anything at all? As you said, success isn't about whether you're married or how much you earn. Have you ever pointed that out? Do you ever tell your cousins if things aren't so great? Next time something is mentioned, perhaps deflect it with something positive about one of your cousins. Don't just accept/brush off the praise, redirect it to other people's lives. The parents should be doing that themselves but if they aren't, you can give them a kick in the right direction.
  • toniq
    toniq Posts: 29,340 Forumite
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    Some of your previous threads have sometimes come across t me as boastful, it might just be how you say things.
    #JusticeForGrenfell
  • wapow
    wapow Posts: 939 Forumite
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    I'm trying to live 2017 with a different attitude in life. Here it goes...


    Everytime I'm put in an uncomfortable position whether by my own doing or someone elses, I do 2 things.


    1. I remind myself with the question "If all people could see of me was my heart, would I give a shizz about whats about to transpire here? Id rather my heart beats calm and normal"


    It tends to bring calm into my body thinking like this. I auto visualise my heart and I feel better. But I do forget to remind myself of this quite a lot.


    2. When I have some me time, I reflect on WHY that happened to me. I believe that if my aura and energy is clean and clear, these things wont enter my life. So if its happening, it means a thought or decision I had was not a good one.


    Regs
  • AylesburyDuck
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    For me, life is about happiness. I can have a better job, a wife, own my home, children and drive a better car but if I am not happy with my life and you are happy with yours, then you are more successful in my eyes.

    I am always talked about among my parents, uncles, aunts and grandparents as the example of the family (out of my cousins). I am the first to get married, buy my own home, always had a good job and seen as the smart one. Because of my definition of success, I brush these praises off but am happy to use what successes I have had to help people out, whether that be financial advice, helping with CV's, job hunting etc.

    Our family don't meet up as much as we used to, now probably once a year or so, and for the past few years and occasions we have met I have felt a bit like an outcast. First time I took note of it was when someone noticed a watch I was wearing and asked how much it was. It's a Hugo Boss watch and cost me £200. There was a bit of an awe that I was in a position to spend that much on a watch (which I don't even consider that expensive). From that day there was this odd vibe I would constantly get with little digs about my wealth (I am really not wealthy) and spending. You know, "we're all not as rich as you Andy" when I suggest a day out at a restaurant where we all will just split the bill instead of fussing around who ate what (which never adds up as people forget drinks and service charge!).

    A few weeks ago it blew up into a massive argument. We were at my uncles birthday party at his house where he asked me how things were going with the house. I mentioned how we settled in well and still have a few things here and there to do. He then mentions how proud he is of me and how I am a great example then out of no where, 2 of my cousins just start attacking me saying how I am "not that great" and how I am a "sell out" because I think I am too good for the family (I apparently don't attend family dinners and such because they are not to my standards).

    I didn't fight back, or even say anything. After my aunts and uncles calmed them down one of my other cousins came and said "you do come across very arrogant". This is when I responded. I am quite a meek person and keep myself to myself. I don't have many friends and spend most of my free time watching TV and playing video games. I reflected on that comment and realised every time something like this has come to the surface, I have never been the instigator. I would wear a watch and get called a snob. Asked how much my car is (A bloody Golf!) and get all these rich boy comments. Show up to a family event from work still in my suit and get funny looks.

    The sad thing is, I expect that behavior from certain family members as they have no class but it's sad to see the ones who you thing you are friends with take the other side. Sorry for the long rant, had to get it off my chest.

    Some of your past posts as someone else has pointed out have come across as boastful, that aside, you had me right uptil that underlined comment.
    Thats your problem right there, judgemental!
    People dont like that, especially family.
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
  • Sea_Shell
    Sea_Shell Posts: 9,627 Forumite
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    Quote - "Oh, and its very poor form for the wealthiest member of a group to suggest an equal split of a bill for dinner! "

    It's also very poor form for the poorest ones in the group, to make their way through the whole food/drink menu and then EXPECT to split the bill and assume the more wealthy one will just swallow it and pay up, when all they had was a main and 1 drink!!! They got a nasty shock there!!! They're probably still doing the washing-up now!!
    How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.51% of current retirement "pot" (as at end June 2024)
  • Marvel1
    Marvel1 Posts: 7,234 Forumite
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    I think I get the opposite (more exceptions), I'm 37, single, no kids, and always get asked "when are you going to meet someone" or having kids.

    I'm happy being single, I don't go out looking or make an effort because like the above its a life choice, they don't seem to understand it.
  • threeeyedraven
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    wapow wrote: »
    I'm trying to live 2017 with a different attitude in life. Here it goes...


    Everytime I'm put in an uncomfortable position whether by my own doing or someone elses, I do 2 things.


    1. I remind myself with the question "If all people could see of me was my heart, would I give a shizz about whats about to transpire here? Id rather my heart beats calm and normal"


    It tends to bring calm into my body thinking like this. I auto visualise my heart and I feel better. But I do forget to remind myself of this quite a lot.


    2. When I have some me time, I reflect on WHY that happened to me. I believe that if my aura and energy is clean and clear, these things wont enter my life. So if its happening, it means a thought or decision I had was not a good one.


    Regs

    i really like this and will be trying to remember it for myself, thanks!
  • Lily-Rose_3
    Lily-Rose_3 Posts: 2,732 Forumite
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    Sea_Shell wrote: »
    Quote - "Oh, and its very poor form for the wealthiest member of a group to suggest an equal split of a bill for dinner! "

    It's also very poor form for the poorest ones in the group, to make their way through the whole food/drink menu and then EXPECT to split the bill and assume the more wealthy one will just swallow it and pay up, when all they had was a main and 1 drink!!! They got a nasty shock there!!! They're probably still doing the washing-up now!!

    I don't know anyone who has very little money who does this.

    In my experience, it's the wealthier ones in the group who swing the lead and fill their boots with expensive steak and suchlike, (and the most expensive wine; ) and then expect to split the bill equally. The 'poorer' people are usually more careful/frugal.
    Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!


    You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more! :D
  • annandale
    annandale Posts: 1,469 Forumite
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    The times when I've been out and people have suggested an equal split, it's not been me taking advantage. You are either like that or you aren't as far as I'm concerned.

    Who actually said that the OP had a main and one drink and everyone else made their way through the whole food and drink menu?
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,902 Forumite
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    toniq wrote: »
    Some of your previous threads have sometimes come across t me as boastful, it might just be how you say things.
    Some of your past posts as someone else has pointed out have come across as boastful, that aside, you had me right uptil that underlined comment.
    Thats your problem right there, judgemental!
    People dont like that, especially family.
    I'm in agreement with these 2 posters.

    I remember reading some of your threads leading up to your marriage (e.g. the popcorn booth, caricature artist etc).
    I can easily see relatives thinking 'Jeez! That's a bit OTT'.

    It could just be the way you write on this forum but then again, if your cousins think you're arrogant, maybe it's a personality trait.

    I have watches that RRP over £200 but I've bought them in the sale. I don't think £200 is that expensive but I doubt I'd pay that or a 'designer' brand.
    rach_k wrote: »
    To me, it sounds like this is a problem caused by the parents. What kind of mum/dad/aunt/uncle compares children (including grown-up children) like that, especially when the children can hear? There's no need for it at all. You can say, "Well done, Bob" without having to say, "Well done, Bob, you're doing so well compared to the rest of the cousins."
    I agree with this too.
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