Am I being over sensitive

System

I think he's an honest straight forward sort of guy. He didnt hide it and wasnt trying to cover it up with a lie.

tea_lover

ripplyuk wrote: »

They've been together for 10 months and are thinking of moving in together.

Guys know this is something some women do not like, or will not accept. It's not like forgetting to mention something small or insignificant. They know this might be an issue.

He should have discussed it with her earlier, and not left it until she found out by accident from his ipad.

I don't know a single person this would be an issue for, and it would never occur to me to mention it to a new/potential partner.

Guest101

FBaby wrote: »

Guest

I don't understand this concept of him being wrong for not hedging brought up that he watches !!!!!! maybe regularly or maybe only occasionally.

Should he also out of the blue bring up the conversatio that he sometimes picks his nose, that he'll make sure not to ever do so in front of her but that if it's a big issue for her he understands that she would want to end the relationship?

Indeed!


I mean honestly should he have a list of URLs to provide?


It's crazy to think that something he does with his own body, with no-one else involved, is such an issue.

ripplyuk

Guest101 wrote: »

It's crazy to think that something he does with his own body, with no-one else involved, is such an issue.

But there are other people involved. Isn't that what they're looking at when they're watching !!!!!!?

I've never seen any of it, so I don't know exactly what it involves, but there must be real women in it. Even though it's just images, they're still real people.

Guest101

ripplyuk wrote: »

But there are other people involved. Isn't that what they're looking at when they're watching !!!!!!?

I've never seen any of it, so I don't know exactly what it involves, but there must be real women in it. Even though it's just images, they're still real people.

Right - those people are in the room with him 'lending a hand'.


Would you be less upset if he imagined the same things?

Gloomendoom

gabriel1980 wrote: »

my other half actively encourages me to watch !!!!!! if she isn't in the mood for intimacy.

:huh: Doesn't that just make you want intimacy even more?

Sounds a bit cruel to me.

ripplyuk

Guest101 wrote: »

Would you be less upset if he imagined the same things?

Yes, I think I would. I'm not sure why though. Maybe because if he's just imagining stuff, it's all coming from him, from his brain alone. It wouldn't feel nice to think he was imagining other women, but it would feel a lot better than him seeking out real life ones in !!!!!!.

Gavin83

Judi wrote: »

She asked if she was being over sensitive. People gave their views. Did you expect one word answers?

Personally I think it's deeply disrespectful to lust over another woman when your in a relationship but I'm well aware that men are visual creatures where women are concerned.

Look, I don't expect you to get this but as I've already explained it's not about lusting after other women. It's not real. Of course I totally get they are actually real people but that isn't how it feels. It's just a bit of visual stimulation, nothing more.

I'm very happy in my relationship and I still watch !!!!!! so it's nothing to do with a lack of anything there either.

I really couldn't masturbate just by using my imagination, I need something there to look at. I think most men are the same to be honest.

ripplyuk wrote: »

I think the OP is more upset about him not telling her, or discussing it with her before now, rather than the fact that he watches it at all. She has just found out by accident, and her partner hasn't mentioned it before.

If guys are aware that there is some sort of stigma attached to this, and that some women don't like it, wouldn't it be best to discuss it early on, and be open and honest about it?

I don't consider it a bit deal, it wouldn't even occur to me to raise this as a potential issue. Of course if my partner asked I'd be honest but I wouldn't raise it unless it came up. I wouldn't tell her about every aspect of my life and I think it's unreasonable to be upset that someone hasn't discussed a particular area. If as a woman it's that big a deal maybe they should ask.

I couldn't be with a woman who had an issue with it to be honest, both for the direct reasons and what it implies for the relationship.

ripplyuk

Gavin83 wrote: »

I really couldn't masturbate just by using my imagination, I need something there to look at. I think most men are the same to be honest.

Does it have to be of other women? Could guys not use images of their own partner to look at?

I'm just curious btw, not judging.

Gloomendoom

ripplyuk wrote: »

Does it have to be of other women? Could guys not use images of their own partner to look at?

How would you feel if your husband/partner asked you act out his fantasises while he filmed you?

I dare say some women wouldn't mind, but I suspect quite a few would, especially if they disapprove of !!!!!! in the first place.