Am I being over sensitive

Guest101

FBaby wrote: »

I don't know why this thread had turned into a !!!!!! vs no !!!!!! thread. This is not what it is about. OP' boyfriend has not forced her into watching it herself not even mentioned it. SHE found out in questionable ways that he was watching it and is upset about it when actually she should respect that it is choice to do so.

Her being upset about it is a reflection of HER insecurities not that he is doing something he shouldn't. It might very well stop anyway when they move in together but ultimately it was wrong to bring up the matter in a tone that implied that he'd been caught doing something wrong.

Ok now just stop it, we cant keep agreeing like this!!!

ripplyuk

I think the OP is more upset about him not telling her, or discussing it with her before now, rather than the fact that he watches it at all. She has just found out by accident, and her partner hasn't mentioned it before.

If guys are aware that there is some sort of stigma attached to this, and that some women don't like it, wouldn't it be best to discuss it early on, and be open and honest about it?

Proxima_Centauri

ripplyuk wrote: »

I think the OP is more upset about him not telling her, or discussing it with her before now, rather than the fact that he watches it at all. She has just found out by accident, and her partner hasn't mentioned it before.

If guys are aware that there is some sort of stigma attached to this, and that some women don't like it, wouldn't it be best to discuss it early on, and be open and honest about it?

It's a circular argument. They don't make known the fact that they watch a bit of !!!!!! on the internet because they're afraid of the grief they'll get from their other half. So they say nothing, and then when she finds out that he's watching !!!!!! she gets upset about it, (ostensibly) because he didn't tell her.

Fireflyaway

So long as he is not cheating on you or disrespectful to you in any other way, I'd say this is pretty normal. Sexual feelings are part of human nature and I don't think its right to expect your partner to tell you absolutely everything about his sexual feelings. The guy is allowed some privacy. I'd find it hard to believe that a person, male or female never had a sexual thought or dream or fantasy about someone other than thier partner! Just because people might not admit it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Its just photos of a stranger. Better that than he actually cheated on you. Men are more visual so although !!!!!! might seem odd to some women its more normal amongst men. Also I think its great he admitted it. Although probably embarrassed he didn't lie or make an excuse. Personally I think its harmless. So long as the images are not perverted and he doesn't have an addiction I see no harm. Its not a reflection on you. I bet he would do the same if he was single. Its just a recreational pastime!

System

Proxima_Centauri wrote: »

It's a circular argument. They don't make known the fact that they watch a bit of !!!!!! on the internet because they're afraid of the grief they'll get from their other half. So they say nothing, and then when she finds out that he's watching !!!!!! she gets upset about it, (ostensibly) because he didn't tell her.

Very true. I'd rather know and be peed off about it than be lied to or it be hidden.

ripplyuk

Proxima_Centauri wrote: »

It's a circular argument. They don't make known the fact that they watch a bit of !!!!!! on the internet because they're afraid of the grief they'll get from their other half. So they say nothing, and then when she finds out that he's watching !!!!!! she gets upset about it, (ostensibly) because he didn't tell her.

If they were honest from the start, they wouldn't end up with a partner who is opposed to it.

They obviously know that some women find watching this stuff unacceptable, so it's something that should be discussed very early on. It's wrong to hide it, or just not mention it, and let a relationship progress with one party not knowing the truth.

Then if the woman finds out, like the OP, it's not just the !!!!!! issue, it's the fact the guy wasn't honest from the beginning, and the assumption that the woman must accept it and be ok about it, when she was never asked for her opinion or feelings on it.

tea_lover

What has he not been honest about?? The first time they've even spoken about it seems to have been this week, and he's been completely open and honest about it. It's not some weird secret that he's been keeping from her, just a normal part of his life that I would imagine he thought she already knew!

gabriel1980

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

You tell yourself that if it makes you feel better.

I know the truth.

You really don't - but ignorance is bliss

ripplyuk

tea_lover wrote: »

What has he not been honest about?? The first time they've even spoken about it seems to have been this week, and he's been completely open and honest about it. It's not some weird secret that he's been keeping from her, just a normal part of his life that I would imagine he thought she already knew!

They've been together for 10 months and are thinking of moving in together.

Guys know this is something some women do not like, or will not accept. It's not like forgetting to mention something small or insignificant. They know this might be an issue.

He should have discussed it with her earlier, and not left it until she found out by accident from his ipad.

FBaby

Guest

I don't understand this concept of him being wrong for not hedging brought up that he watches !!!!!! maybe regularly or maybe only occasionally.

Should he also out of the blue bring up the conversatio that he sometimes picks his nose, that he'll make sure not to ever do so in front of her but that if it's a big issue for her he understands that she would want to end the relationship?