My partner has got me £12k+ in debt

TinieT

Okay guys- this is my plan. Let me know what you think. So in case you haven't caught up, I've been successful with application for a 0% interest balance transfer card for 30 months.

I'm going to transfer Card Number 1 (£5,300) to it.
I have about £5,040 left on Card Number 2. The 0% interest will be running out this Summer, so I'm going to start tackling this card FIRST now.

As I have around £1,500 left after my essential outgoings, I'm going to put £900 a month on Card number 2 and pay minimum payment on my new interest free balance. I will then maybe put £250 away in my savings each month just to have a tiny bit of peace of mind. That leaves me £400 disposable each month to live on, which If i really budget carefully and don't lend it to my partner I should be ok... hopefully.

TinieT

TinieT wrote: »

Okay guys- this is my plan. Let me know what you think. So in case you haven't caught up, I've been successful with application for a 0% interest balance transfer card for 30 months.

I'm going to transfer Card Number 1 (£5,300) to it.
I have about £5,040 left on Card Number 2. The 0% interest will be running out this Summer, so I'm going to start tackling this card FIRST now.

As I have around £1,500 left after my essential outgoings, I'm going to put £900 a month on Card number 2 and pay minimum payment on my new interest free balance. I will then maybe put £250 away in my savings each month just to have a tiny bit of peace of mind. That leaves me £400 disposable each month to live on, which If i really budget carefully and don't lend it to my partner I should be ok... hopefully.

Also - I will have paid Card Number 2 within 5-6 months.

That leaves me with the remaining £5,300 on the other card which again, if I start paying £900 a month on will get me debt free in one year. But it still pains me that this isn't even debt I bought things with myself or got anything good out of. But ANYWAY at least I have just accepted the painful truth lol

bexster1975

Sounds like a plan to me. Honestly tho, I would forget the £250 a month savings for now and finish the second card before 0% runs out. Then you can save more later. Putting £1150 a month to card 2 will see it paid off by June ( if you start Feb). Then you will still have two years 0% on the new card which at around £5000 by June ( after minimum payments for 5 months ) means you would need to pay £2500 a year - or £250 a month) to clear before the 0% ends. At that rate you could SAVE the £900 a month from July and put the £250 you were going to put in savings to that credit card! Wowsers!


P.S. No judgements, but find another man, or do it alone!

Bexster

TinieT

bexster1975 wrote: »

Sounds like a plan to me. Honestly tho, I would forget the £250 a month savings for now and finish the second card before 0% runs out. Then you can save more later. Putting £1150 a month to card 2 will see it paid off by June ( if you start Feb). Then you will still have two years 0% on the new card which at around £5000 by June ( after minimum payments for 5 months ) means you would need to pay £2500 a year - or £250 a month) to clear before the 0% ends. At that rate you could SAVE the £900 a month from July and put the £259 you were going to put in savings to that credit card! Wowsers!


P.S. No judgements, but find another man, or do it alone!

Bexster

Yes you are so very right! So from June start paying £900 back into my savings but concentrate on say £260 (or maybe more if I get a payrise by then) on the second card.

I'm doing this alone and not expecting repayment to be honest - sadly. I'm just going to accept responsibility - I'm going to keep on trying to get my money back as I work hard each month and knowing I can't save my hard-earned wage is tough on me mentally but just going to have to deal with it because I want this load off my shoulders.

bexster1975

I actually didn't mean the money when I said " do it alone" - I suspect you are indeed stuck with that.

I really meant if he can cause this much trouble and stress, you are better off dealing with your life alone ( or eventually with someone else!)

Bexster

ETA: £2500 a year is £200 a month, so even more into savings!

Jenniefour

OP - just to provide a bit of information that might be helpful for you in considering all this.

1. No business that is being run properly and in a half decent manner would expect their employees to be forking out heaps of money for business trips - they would either usually arrange it from the office and pre-pay (flights, hotels), and/or issue the employee with a company credit/debit card so the employee spends what they need to - providing the company deem the specific expenses as allowable (evening meals, taxi's and so on). The tab is all picked up by the company, and the employee does not have to fork out a penny. The employee would only be expected to foot the bill for their personal expenditure (presents, nice new suit, for example).

Very few companies tell their employees to pay usual/significant allowable business expenses out of their own pocket for business trips abroad - but when they do, production of the receipt would get the payment back very quickly. This is how many businesses handle small/smaller expenses.

Think about this, OP - he 'loses' his business receipts? Why on earth would he hand his receipts for business expenses to you, and why would you expect him to? Receipts for business expenses go straight to the company because it's their responsibility to reimburse them. So it is possible, or even likely, that he hands them over to the company, as is normal, and gets reimbursed, as is normal. Which is why you don't get to see them. I'm not sure you are being told the truth about this. It is possible that he is getting reimbursed for every legitimate business expense paid for out of your account - and then he can 'prove' to you it was a legitimate business expense because it's there in black and white on your statement - when it has already become your debt.

2. "Just to give you an example, if we do go out for a meal, this will come out of my personal bank current account. We don't go out for meals often, maybe twice a month. But often we spend on lunches together. Any things we do together and if I pay for them, come out of my own personal disposable income. I did buy some tickets for a festival recently on my credit card for us for £250 but I paid this fully the following month."

OP - please stop doing this, you are enabling your boyfriend to carry on using money in an irresponsible manner - he doesn't have to take responsibility if you keep bailing him out/paying his share.

If he isn't able to pay his share, then say "I'm sorry, we can't afford that, let's go somewhere less expensive/have a night in and watch a film/make dinner together".

All the best, OP. You deserve a lot better than you're getting!

TinieT

Jenniefour wrote: »

OP - just to provide a bit of information that might be helpful for you in considering all this.

1. No business that is being run properly and in a half decent manner would expect their employees to be forking out heaps of money for business trips - they would either usually arrange it from the office and pre-pay (flights, hotels), and/or issue the employee with a company credit/debit card so the employee spends what they need to - providing the company deem the specific expenses as allowable (evening meals, taxi's and so on). The tab is all picked up by the company, and the employee does not have to fork out a penny. The employee would only be expected to foot the bill for their personal expenditure (presents, nice new suit, for example).

Very few companies tell their employees to pay usual/significant allowable business expenses out of their own pocket for business trips abroad - but when they do, production of the receipt would get the payment back very quickly. This is how many businesses handle small/smaller expenses.

Think about this, OP - he 'loses' his business receipts? Why on earth would he hand his receipts for business expenses to you, and why would you expect him to? Receipts for business expenses go straight to the company because it's their responsibility to reimburse them. So it is possible, or even likely, that he hands them over to the company, as is normal, and gets reimbursed, as is normal. Which is why you don't get to see them. I'm not sure you are being told the truth about this. It is possible that he is getting reimbursed for every legitimate business expense paid for out of your account - and then he can 'prove' to you it was a legitimate business expense because it's there in black and white on your statement - when it has already become your debt.

2. "Just to give you an example, if we do go out for a meal, this will come out of my personal bank current account. We don't go out for meals often, maybe twice a month. But often we spend on lunches together. Any things we do together and if I pay for them, come out of my own personal disposable income. I did buy some tickets for a festival recently on my credit card for us for £250 but I paid this fully the following month."

OP - please stop doing this, you are enabling your boyfriend to carry on using money in an irresponsible manner - he doesn't have to take responsibility if you keep bailing him out/paying his share.

If he isn't able to pay his share, then say "I'm sorry, we can't afford that, let's go somewhere less expensive/have a night in and watch a film/make dinner together".

All the best, OP. You deserve a lot better than you're getting!

Thanks for your response. Regarding the business trips, yes his company pay for his flights and accommodation. However, the personal expenses out there he has to use his (or in this case, Mine!) and then the aim is to provide physical receipts or print out of bank statement to his workplace to claim expenses but they set a limit. In this instance, he went to Singapore and was going out on nights out with colleagues and also having meals out costing stupid amounts but obviously to "look expensive and prestigious". But obviously to my blooming expense!!!!!

He is disorganised anyway so it doesn't shock me he says he lost receipts. He loses his house keys and car keys almost everyday let alone flimsy bits of paper.

But regardless, it's not right anyway and I'm putting a stop to it today. Both cards cancelled, I've cancelled my debit card too and am going to change the pin as who knows he probably knows that somehow.

I appreciate your advice it really is helpful

CakeCrusader

He's using you as his personal bank, pet, but a bank which he isn't going to pay the money back to. How much has he repayed so far? And as for getting a second job so you can cover HIS debts, why on Earth would you do that? Men like this never change. I had a f r e e l o a d e r. I went back to work when our son was three weeks old (I was unwell, severely anaemic after the birth etc but my ex didn't bat an eye lid). He wanted to 'borrow' my first week's wages so that he could help his friend move out, but he went drinking with it. I didn't give him a penny after this, as I knew what sort of man he was and I wasn't going to get lumbered with him. He found someone else to latch onto, saw our son very little and moved out of the UK three years later. I have a thread in Child Support as he isn't paying that either.

You're making a lot of excuses for his behaviour, but the crux of the matter is that any man worth his salt wouldn't force you into debt because they can't manage their finances, and if they did, they would repay you as quickly as they could and they would be the one getting a second job. Pretend he's the partner of your best friend, and your best friend is telling you about her partner using her credit card and leaving her in debt. What would you say to her? There are men out there like my ex, just think very carefully about where you're heading with this one as you may find yourself paying off his debts and lending him money for a very long time.

TinieT

CakeCrusader wrote: »

He's using you as his personal bank, pet, but a bank which he isn't going to pay the money back to. How much has he repayed so far? And as for getting a second job so you can cover HIS debts, why on Earth would you do that? Men like this never change. I had a f r e e l o a d e r. I went back to work when our son was three weeks old (I was unwell, severely anaemic after the birth etc but my ex didn't bat an eye lid). He wanted to 'borrow' my first week's wages so that he could help his friend move out, but he went drinking with it. I didn't give him a penny after this, as I knew what sort of man he was and I wasn't going to get lumbered with him. He found someone else to latch onto, saw our son very little and moved out of the UK three years later. I have a thread in Child Support as he isn't paying that either.

You're making a lot of excuses for his behaviour, but the crux of the matter is that any man worth his salt wouldn't force you into debt because they can't manage their finances, and if they did, they would repay you as quickly as they could and they would be the one getting a second job. Pretend he's the partner of your best friend, and your best friend is telling you about her partner using her credit card and leaving her in debt. What would you say to her? There are men out there like my ex, just think very carefully about where you're heading with this one as you may find yourself paying off his debts and lending him money for a very long time.

I know, I completely understand. It's all a bad situation. He is perfectly happy to live off of me and others. His friends even know that he sometimes gets money off me and take the P out of him a lot for it!!!! I definitely make excuses for him and I'm using the length of time we have been together as a reason for justification. Realistically there was a time financially we were okay then he gambled on two credit cards and then we started this cycle.
The gambling is resolved (for now) but the money he owes me remains an issue. He has paid me a few times but the recent shift from £5,000 owed to now £10,000 well I haven't seen a penny in about a year frankly. Shockingly.

So yep I need to get everything sorted out. I'm thinking of getting a second job to supplement my savings as I want more savings basically. But the reason is because I have to pay this debt so have little left to save.

117pauline

I can only empathise with you, having a best friend borrow £1100 for a lawyer and never seeing him or the money again.

Just because you are feeling you were stupid, don't let it continue please.

You are a creditor of his and he should be paying you as soon as he is paid, not giving you what's left over. You are still being too nice - stop it (I am joking by the way).

Even if it is £50 (but it should be £100 realistically) at least you are receiving something. From the last couple of your posts it seems this has escalated in 2016. Your only fault is that you are sympathetic to his situation but he is playing on that. If he wants the champagne lifestyle, he needs a better job.

I would also suggest that when you go out, you take cash with you and no cards then you can't give him anything. I know that sounds harsh but lets not underestimate how difficult the next few weeks are going to be.

Keep updating this diary to keep you motivated and encourage you. We will cheer you on, promise.

And if he is the man you think, you are actually doing him a huge favour - being cruel to be kind to get him living within his means.

Good luck and all best wishes