My partner has got me £12k+ in debt

TinieT

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Yes, it was a mistake but you have realised this now and can sort this quickly. I would move it to 0% if you can but you may be considered overextended if you have a loan plus the two credit cards. Pay as much as you can to the one charging interest even if it means using some of your savings. Keep track on a spreadsheet and do not tell this man you are repaying this. I cannot stress this enough and I do think you have been subjected to financial abuse. What do you say now when he asks for money? Who pays when you go out? Would he set up a standing order to repay you on the day after he gets paid each month?

Truthfully, on his pay day he has hardly anything left. I don't even know the full extent as to how much he pays out but I know he is often "skint the day after pay day" and know this is true. If we go out, 8 times out of 10 I foot the bill for the meal or the drinks. He does pay but in terms of who pays most, I do now.

I am not going to tell him I am paying it back as I'm desperate to have it paid back to me. I made a massive mistake in lending him all of this but have recognised this after a year of not seeing any money come back to me.

I may well have been subjected to financial abuse, but I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed at having this under my name, I lay awake at night half crying. It makes me feel ill that I'm going to work just to pay off this debt basically. I thank you all for your kind and helpful comments. Nobody knows of my situation as I'm scared of being judged.

I'm a little worried to take out another 0% card with the fear of "over-extending" happening.... I have never missed a minimum payment on each of the cards but still, considering the loan I've just taken out for my car, it's a bit worrying

TinieT

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Can you really see a future with this man for you? Do you want a life of constantly worrying about debt in particular if you have children and are no longer living at home and dependent on him? Sorry to be blunt but you seem to have a sensible head on your shoulders and are young and at the start of your adult life. He may be a millstone around your neck but only you can decide if he is worth it. Respect should go both ways though and it sounds as if it doesn't. His dad is not doing him any favours either by bailing him out.

He lives a fast lifestyle and his friends are all financially well off or have high paying jobs so he tries to keep up with them. In an ideal world, I see a future with him but considering this debt scenario, on paper it sounds terrible.

I'm holding out a flicker of hope in his new role that the high pay increase and massive increase in responsibility (He will be living alone and paying rent on his own flat) will kick him into action. But of course, I know this is me talking out of love. We shall see, but at the moment I am really concerned about paying this back and having some savings to my name.

Thank you all for your wise comments

enthusiasticsaver

Well let us hope he starts paying you back but for your own financial security and mental health you need to assume he won't and deal with it now. Focus on your own security and if your aim is to move out of home and in with him make sure the bills are split down the middle and ideally in his name. Is he saying he is skint to get you to pay? How do you know he has no money? Please don't get sucked into lending him money to pay his bills too.

atolaas

TinieT wrote: »

He lives a fast lifestyle and his friends are all financially well off or have high paying jobs so he tries to keep up with them. In an ideal world, I see a future with him but considering this debt scenario, on paper it sounds terrible.

I'm holding out a flicker of hope in his new role that the high pay increase and massive increase in responsibility (He will be living alone and paying rent on his own flat) will kick him into action. But of course, I know this is me talking out of love. We shall see, but at the moment I am really concerned about paying this back and having some savings to my name.

Thank you all for your wise comments

Unless he gets a major wake up call, he's liable to keep living on credit and keeping up with his friends standard of living rather than making any meaningful changes - like making and sticking to a budget so that he can afford to repay his debts.

Personally I think you're holding out for a miracle! Good luck :beer:

TinieT

Hi all, just to update you. Today, using MSE's 0% balance transfer card guide I've just applied for a Virgin card which just gave me a £6,400 credit limit. It is 0% interest for 30 months with a 0.55% transfer fee, so I'm going to shift my card number one onto it which had higher interest.

I'll be transferring £5,300 onto it

CakeCrusader

It sounds to me as though he's a !!!!!!!!!!, sorry Don't bank on him repaying you, and don't let him use your cards!!! You should be able to transfer the balances to a 0% card, just look around.

CakeCrusader

It deleted my word (confused) 'f r e e l o a d e r' isn't swearing.

TinieT

atolaas wrote: »

Unless he gets a major wake up call, he's liable to keep living on credit and keeping up with his friends standard of living rather than making any meaningful changes - like making and sticking to a budget so that he can afford to repay his debts.

Personally I think you're holding out for a miracle! Good luck :beer:

Yeah, this is why I have suddenly realised it is better to pay it off myself and maybe, just maybe see it paid back to me. But it is better to just save face, and start paying chunks of it off so I'm not saddled with this on my credit file as to everyone else it appears it is me who has personally ran up the debt.

TinieT

CakeCrusader wrote: »

It sounds to me as though he's a !!!!!!!!!!, sorry Don't bank on him repaying you, and don't let him use your cards!!! You should be able to transfer the balances to a 0% card, just look around.

Hi, I literally just applied for, and was accepting for a 0% balance transfer card which is good. The credit limit is ample enough for me to transfer the higher interest bearing debt from Card number 1 on so I will sort this out in the next few days

Sambella

TinieT wrote: »

Yes you are so very right. I hold the cards- I have cancelled one of them and will cancel the other today as I don't even use them myself! He is fully aware of the situation he has got me in. I have been paying the minimum payment on each for a year. The one that has now increased to £179 has only increased in the last two months. Before it was around £40 but I stupidly loaned him the card for a business trip that he said he would get expenses on. Of course he done it mostly on cash and lost his receipts so only claimed around £400 of the £3000 he spent. Yes that's how much he spends. He lives a very high lifestyle when infact he has nothing. he drives an Audi and so on yet gets by month to month. He is 26 by the way.

Oh sweetheart!

This post about his expenses bill for a business trip should have set the loudest of alarm bells ringing. He took out cash and lost most of the receipts. Wow, all from your credit. You have no way of knowing what he spent your credit on , he spent mostly in cash so it isn't listed in credit card bill.

Cut those cards up. I'd be very interested to see how he reacts when he no longer has access to your credit. For your sake I really do hope it will make him wise up about his finances and his reckless and inconsiderate use of your credit.

You love him so it's up to you if you stay with him but I too would advise kicking him to the kerb unless he changes. But you are unlikely to get any money towards paying tthis credit if you do although you're not getting any now.