My partner has got me £12k+ in debt

badmemory

You have more than one problem here. Firstly you lent him your card. If they know he has used your card you could have a problem if you get a fraudulent transaction. (Worst case scenario obviously).

Secondly he has used your cards and could again. What if the insurance renewal ask if he wants it putting on the same card as before?

Thirdly, you are paying interest on one of the cards, is he going to pay the interest off. The longer you leave paying it off the more it is going to be.

Fourthly, how is he going to react to you cutting off his line of credit, because if you don't how much is your debt going to be this time next year?

Personally I would pay it off asap and get it off my credit report.

Don't forget to keep emergency savings!

TinieT

badmemory wrote: »

You have more than one problem here. Firstly you lent him your card. If they know he has used your card you could have a problem if you get a fraudulent transaction. (Worst case scenario obviously).

Secondly he has used your cards and could again. What if the insurance renewal ask if he wants it putting on the same card as before?

Thirdly, you are paying interest on one of the cards, is he going to pay the interest off. The longer you leave paying it off the more it is going to be.

Fourthly, how is he going to react to you cutting off his line of credit, because if you don't how much is your debt going to be this time next year?

Personally I would pay it off asap and get it off my credit report.

Don't forget to keep emergency savings!

Yes you are so very right. I hold the cards- I have cancelled one of them and will cancel the other today as I don't even use them myself! He is fully aware of the situation he has got me in. I have been paying the minimum payment on each for a year. The one that has now increased to £179 has only increased in the last two months. Before it was around £40 but I stupidly loaned him the card for a business trip that he said he would get expenses on. Of course he done it mostly on cash and lost his receipts so only claimed around £400 of the £3000 he spent. Yes that's how much he spends. He lives a very high lifestyle when infact he has nothing. he drives an Audi and so on yet gets by month to month. He is 26 by the way.

TinieT

I have two courses of action. I'm not the greatest with numbers so would appreciate your advice as to what could be the best option:

1) Take out my £3,000 savings (leave £500 behind) and pay this onto 1st credit card leaving a balance of £2300 approx.
2) In total will have £7,300 approx credit card balances left.
3) I get £1,970 a month. Take out £240 car loan and my other essential expenditures, this leaves me about £1,500 left.
4) £7,300 total card debt / 12 is £608. So I could pay that leaving me £892 leftover and I could save £400-500 of that a month.

OR!
1) Keep my savings
2) Total card balances are £9,300
3) /12 and pay £775 a month between the cards to pay off in a year.
4) Save £400 a month for savings all year each month.

This time next year I would have no card debt and £4,500 saved on top of existing savings to make £8,500.

Is 1 or 2 the best option?

badmemory

Alternatively,

1) Keep most of your savings for emergencies to avoid YOU needing to use a credit card. 3 to 6 months expenses are recommended.

2) Don't think about saving more until the cards are paid off. The interest on the one will be much more than you could ever earn on savings.

3) When does your zero rate run out?

4) Don't beat yourself up about your savings, you are in a lot better position than many others.

TinieT

badmemory wrote: »

Alternatively,

1) Keep most of your savings for emergencies to avoid YOU needing to use a credit card. 3 to 6 months expenses are recommended.

2) Don't think about saving more until the cards are paid off. The interest on the one will be much more than you could ever earn on savings.

3) When does your zero rate run out?

4) Don't beat yourself up about your savings, you are in a lot better position than many others.

Thank you, I won't touch my savings. I'm not sure when the 0% runs out but I think it is this Summer. I need to call them and find out. I will start focusing paying the debts not save. What makes me feel so depressed is the idea that if I didn't have his card debt under my name I could save around £10-12k in one year :-(. But I have to just deal with what's happened. I will start putting £700-800 spread across the cards each month from my next pay day in February and go from there.

pmlindyloo

The usual advice would be to pay off the one with the highest interest rate first whilst still paying the minimum on the interest free one.

You say you have £1500 left each month.

Another option is to leave your savings intact (psychologically this may be a good idea) and throw all your money at the card 1 by spending the absolute minimum for a few months.

The reason I say this is because you need to get a handle on your relationship with this guy. It does not sound as if he is going to change but as you love him I am not going repeat the advice about possibly ditching him as I know this isn't what you want and probably will not do at the moment.

So, you are going to have to be very strong and tell him about how you are going to pay off your debts by living very frugally for the next few months until they have been paid off. This will mean fewer meals out and a big curb on spending. His reaction will be a good indicator of his feelings for you. I am not suggesting that you do not have a life but instead really look at what you are spending.

Of course the absolute best scenario would be if you could do this together but from what you are saying it seems that this is unlikely and he hasn't had his light bulb moment yet.

It is unlikely that he will pay you back but if you do reach the stage where you can talk about both your finances then it is possible that he will accept responsibility and pay towards your credit cards.

And if you will forgive me for saying so, but as an oldie what I really want to say is 'ditch the bloke'! At the very least, never ever lend him any money again.

TinieT

pmlindyloo wrote: »

The usual advice would be to pay off the one with the highest interest rate first whilst still paying the minimum on the interest free one.

You say you have £1500 left each month.

Another option is to leave your savings intact (psychologically this may be a good idea) and throw all your money at the card 1 by spending the absolute minimum for a few months.

The reason I say this is because you need to get a handle on your relationship with this guy. It does not sound as if he is going to change but as you love him I am not going repeat the advice about possibly ditching him as I know this isn't what you want and probably will not do at the moment.

So, you are going to have to be very strong and tell him about how you are going to pay off your debts by living very frugally for the next few months until they have been paid off. This will mean fewer meals out and a big curb on spending. His reaction will be a good indicator of his feelings for you. I am not suggesting that you do not have a life but instead really look at what you are spending.

Of course the absolute best scenario would be if you could do this together but from what you are saying it seems that this is unlikely and he hasn't had his light bulb moment yet.

It is unlikely that he will pay you back but if you do reach the stage where you can talk about both your finances then it is possible that he will accept responsibility and pay towards your credit cards.

And if you will forgive me for saying so, but as an oldie what I really want to say is 'ditch the bloke'! At the very least, never ever lend him any money again.

Thank you so much. I guess I'm just holding out this flicker of hope that he really is going to pay me back. I actually think I'm an ideal world he wants to but he just can't as he has other debt and so on. Basically it's just a big old horrible circle. I am going to start throwing all I can on the interest bearing card- I will check when the 0% interest in my other card runs out. I feel so bad that I have let it get to this stage but I have to start somewhere. He has told me he will start paying towards it in the next few months but I don't know. I think I will start myself as I'm just paying money on interest which is adding up

itchyfeet123

It sounds like you have the income to pay everything down quickly. If some of your cards are high interest, see if you can transfer any to 0% cards. This has the advantage that you could close the old accounts which your partner has had access to, which will help with some of the issues Bad Memory raised.

This isn't a relationship advice forum, but like pmlindyloo, I'm resisting the urge to tell you to run far away from this guy. He obviously has his good points or you wouldn't be with him, but it's hard to believe that someone who cares about and respects you would treat you like this.

Does he know that he's spent 12k of your money? Some people aren't very good at keeping track of how much they spend. He might be estimating what he owes you is on the scale of a city break weekend or a couple of takeaways, not nearly half of your annual income. He's probably not going to be able to repay it quickly, but a conversation about the seriousness of the problem might be a wake up call. At the very least, you could ask him to set up a recurring payment to you; even if it's not enough to make much of a dent, it will be a show of good faith. If he does agree to that, get it in writing what it's for so he can't later claim *he* was lending *you* money every month.

TinieT

itchyfeet123 wrote: »

It sounds like you have the income to pay everything down quickly. If some of your cards are high interest, see if you can transfer any to 0% cards. This has the advantage that you could close the old accounts which your partner has had access to, which will help with some of the issues Bad Memory raised.

This isn't a relationship advice forum, but like pmlindyloo, I'm resisting the urge to tell you to run far away from this guy. He obviously has his good points or you wouldn't be with him, but it's hard to believe that someone who cares about and respects you would treat you like this.

Does he know that he's spent 12k of your money? Some people aren't very good at keeping track of how much they spend. He might be estimating what he owes you is on the scale of a city break weekend or a couple of takeaways, not nearly half of your annual income. He's probably not going to be able to repay it quickly, but a conversation about the seriousness of the problem might be a wake up call. At the very least, you could ask him to set up a recurring payment to you; even if it's not enough to make much of a dent, it will be a show of good faith. If he does agree to that, get it in writing what it's for so he can't later claim *he* was lending *you* money every month.

Hi, thank you. He knows approximately how much he owes me (in excess of £10k) and is always appearing genuine in his quest to pay me back. As I said previously he is starting a new job where he will get a large pay rise and I'm hoping this will be the key in propelling him to pay me back.

I understand what you're saying. will it be okay to try seek out another 0% card when I already have 2 credit cards and a £8,700 personal loan (for a car)?

pmlindyloo

TinieT wrote: »

Thank you so much. I guess I'm just holding out this flicker of hope that he really is going to pay me back. I actually think I'm an ideal world he wants to but he just can't as he has other debt and so on. Basically it's just a big old horrible circle. I am going to start throwing all I can on the interest bearing card- I will check when the 0% interest in my other card runs out. I feel so bad that I have let it get to this stage but I have to start somewhere. He has told me he will start paying towards it in the next few months but I don't know. I think I will start myself as I'm just paying money on interest which is adding up

I think you are very wise to tackle this yourself and not rely on him to 'come good'. After all he has been saying this for a long time and nothing has happened. It doesn't appear that he has made any efforts to control his own spending and deal with his debts let alone deal with what he owes you.

Just like you he has been burying his head in the sand and thinking he will deal with this 'later' - when he has a pay rise/when this/or that happens. Problem is that time can never come.

Do not beat yourself up about this. We have all been there and got the t shirt. Loving someone complicates the matter so I have every sympathy for you.

Go girl go! What ever happens in the end you have to look after yourself. You never know he may 'come good' especially if he sees that you are making huge efforts to sort this now rather than later. Just think of the interest you are paying every month on the first card and if you can't make him 'pay', at least you will have the satisfaction of knowing that the credit card company will be losing out on that extra interest.

You are in a great position in that you live at home and your outgoings are small (I won't even have a go about the hair - everyone deserves a treat) and will be able to clear your debt in no time at all.

Good luck!