My partner has got me £12k+ in debt

itchyfeet123

TinieT wrote: »

I understand what you're saying. will it be okay to try seek out another 0% card when I already have 2 credit cards and a £8,700 personal loan (for a car)?

You can certainly apply. Whether you'll be approved will depend on your income, expenditure, and credit history. Given you live at home you'll show decent income. I'm guessing your existing cards are close to their limits which will hurt you, but there's usually a place in the application to say that you'll be transferring a balance which might help. Lots of credit cards now tell you how likely you are to be approved before applying, so you can try a few without getting dinged for applying too much.

enthusiasticsaver

Whichever way you look at it he owes you the money and I would not tell him you are paying the card off. Set up a payment plan for him on a spreadsheet. I would continue to save as normal and pay as much of the card off when the 0% ends and move it if possible. You can't really say none of the debt is yours as you gave him permission to spend on your cards. If you stop the minimum payments this will affect your credit rating so I would not do that.

Also, please don't lend this man any more money. He needs to accept the consequences of his reckless spending and you have learnt an expensive lesson but you won't be the first or last to be taken in. Focus on your financial future now and if this relationship is to be permanent I would make sure he is financially solvent before taking it any further.

enthusiasticsaver

TinieT wrote: »

I willingly let him use the cards in the mindset that these were loans to him and he would always say he would pay it back and become annoyed if I didn't give him it.

Unfortunately in law unless you have a document drawn up where he takes responsibility for this he can just walk away with no consequences. You need to be firm with people who mismanage their finances particularly if they have a gambling problem.

I know this all sounds so terrible written out but I love this guy.

Sorry to be blunt but I don't think he loves you if he treats you like this. He needs to grow up and you need to take what he says with a pinch of salt in future. I just want to be free of this debt under my name. I can't sleep properly with worry. I could throw £900 a month on the cards split up but I feel ashamed that this is not going in my personal savings account and instead on someone else's debt.
YOu are in a good position as your outgoings are low so you can easily clear this in less than a year. I would pay it off and close the account so you know he cannot spend on it anymore if he has the details.

Please take a lesson from this and don't lend money in the future. The forum is littered with people who regret this.

TinieT

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Whichever way you look at it he owes you the money and I would not tell him you are paying the card off. Set up a payment plan for him on a spreadsheet. I would continue to save as normal and pay as much of the card off when the 0% ends and move it if possible. You can't really say none of the debt is yours as you gave him permission to spend on your cards. If you stop the minimum payments this will affect your credit rating so I would not do that.

Also, please don't lend this man any more money. He needs to accept the consequences of his reckless spending and you have learnt an expensive lesson but you won't be the first or last to be taken in. Focus on your financial future now and if this relationship is to be permanent I would make sure he is financially solvent before taking it any further.

Thank you - I understand. I guess what I mean is the spending on the actual card is not mine - I think one or two small trivial things which are tiny in comparison to the total amount. But yes, it is my fault for loaning him the money. I will not be doing it anymore and can confirm I have both cards officially cancelled and not having new ones sent out.

I am not going to tell him that I've started paying them back as I would like to think I will see this money back - into my savings account - at some point.


Is it wise to search for a new 0% balance transfer card to shift my Card Number 1 onto as the interest is £179 each month alone which is so high.

I will do the eligibility checkers before hand just a little concerned as I only took out a car loan at the start of this month (£8,700 approx) payable over 3 and a half years. £240 a month or so.

So that, factored on top of the two credit cards in my name might not look so great on my credit file.

grandma247

TinieT I really think you should get some help with this. Alarm bells are ringing loud and clear. Running up large debts in your name can be considered financial abuse. You need someone who can help you open your eyes to what is happening. He lost his receipts ? Hmm.
Addicts can be very accomplished liars no matter what the addiction.

TinieT

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Please take a lesson from this and don't lend money in the future. The forum is littered with people who regret this.

Thank you. I completely understand. I've been very foolish. I feel terrible as I have basically allowed this but I really want to get this sorted as soon as possible. I am even searching for a second job. I feel awful as all of this could be going into my savings account for my future but I guess I just have to deal with it head on.

TinieT

grandma247 wrote: »

TinieT I really think you should get some help with this. Alarm bells are ringing loud and clear. Running up large debts in your name can be considered financial abuse. You need someone who can help you open your eyes to what is happening. He lost his receipts ? Hmm.
Addicts can be very accomplished liars no matter what the addiction.

He has always been an overspender ever since I first met him. He likes to have the finest things and nice clothes, eat well and spend lots on a night out. Of course, I didn't full recognise the significance of this when we first started dating.

He had a gambling problem (quite a large one) but this seems to be under control now however he has remnants of the debt from it alongside various other things e.g. the watch dealing loan he took out to buy and sell watches with a friend and then other cards. He basically uses cards to supplement his monthly income to pay for living costs and so on.

He also has borrowed his dad's card and so on and his dad has let him and therefore he has got into a cycle of owing him money too.

I'm aware that is all sounding terrible written out and it's true. i think part of it is he has felt able to spend all of this. I have closed the cards down and there is no way he can access them as the card numbers are now void and he never had access to my online accounts to re-order them and so on.

enthusiasticsaver

Yes, it was a mistake but you have realised this now and can sort this quickly. I would move it to 0% if you can but you may be considered overextended if you have a loan plus the two credit cards. Pay as much as you can to the one charging interest even if it means using some of your savings. Keep track on a spreadsheet and do not tell this man you are repaying this. I cannot stress this enough and I do think you have been subjected to financial abuse. What do you say now when he asks for money? Who pays when you go out? Would he set up a standing order to repay you on the day after he gets paid each month?

grandma247

His lifestyle is just as much an addiction as gambling is.

enthusiasticsaver

Can you really see a future with this man for you? Do you want a life of constantly worrying about debt in particular if you have children and are no longer living at home and dependent on him? Sorry to be blunt but you seem to have a sensible head on your shoulders and are young and at the start of your adult life. He may be a millstone around your neck but only you can decide if he is worth it. Respect should go both ways though and it sounds as if it doesn't. His dad is not doing him any favours either by bailing him out.