My partner has got me £12k+ in debt

Second_Account

I have just read this whole thread and one thing that jumps out at me is that you earn £1900 a month, live at home and have been working for 5 years.

Well even if you saved only £500 of that each month you would have £30,000 now!. But you only have £3,500 and £20,000 of debt (£12,000 he owes you plus £8,000 car loan).

So something has gone seriously wrong and it sounds like he had gotten alot more than £12,000 out of you!.

If you had saved £1000 a month and still had £900 a month left to spend (which is loads when you live with your parents). You would have £60,000 in the bank now in savings + interest!.
Is this guy really worth the £60,000 you would have had if you hadn't been together?.

If he was really serious about your relationship and wanting to buy a house together you could have both saved up over £120,000 over the last 6 years and bought a house outright with no mortgage!.

I think these are important points to consider when talking to him about money. You both need to sit down and come up with a budget for both of you so you can save and he can pay all the money he owes. If he doesn't stick to the budget it will show that your relationship isn't a priority at all!.

PinkSherbet

Hi OP,

Not quite the same situation as you, but I can totally understand your situation. Shortly after I got together with my now-husband he needed £1000 and I gave it to him with the agreement that he would pay me back £100 a month for 10 months. It sounded simple (to me!) but then month 1 came and I knew he had been paid, but I had to ask and ask and ask. After about 3 weeks he gave me the first £100... And the cycle continued for maybe another 3 months - at which point I decided it wasn't worth the hassle or stress of chasing and decided for my sanity that I would just draw a line under it. But honestly, this incident still pains me and looking back I can see how clear an early indicator it was at how bad he is with finances. My grandma used to say 'only lend what you can afford to lose' - during this episode I could hear her voice ringing in my ear!

Could you perhaps cancel the cards he has spent on in the past (do a balance transfer perhaps to another card he knows nothing about) and then the cards *won't* be there if he asks for them again? You'll also know that no unexpected items will auto-renew and appear on your card in future.

Good luck!

Money_Rollercoaster

Everything you've written suggests that your partner is incapable of change. Him repaying you is a broken promise already, why is that going to change? Break your financial ties with him pronto. Don't let him drag you down.

TinieT

Thank you for your message. You are right infact everyone has been right on this forum when responding to me. I am definitely clouding my judgement because of the love and history we have but on paper it's not right. I am putting my foot down and have not lent him anything since I posted this. I will continue with this and still on the quest to maybe(!!!!!) get this money back. I don't know though lets see

TinieT

Hi second account, yes I know the amount of times I have replayed that in my mind (that's what makes me toss and turn at night). It makes me feel sick! To be honest I have only been earning that wage for the past 2 years, beforehand I was taking home £1,100 but still!! I most certainly would have been able to save a lot more than I have. I do have a few bills but nothing at all that is substantial. It has gone very wrong and I need to sort my savings very quickly somehow :-(

Little_Miss_Winner

Hugs hun - am sure you can turn this around xx

enthusiasticsaver

TinieT wrote: »

Hi everyone, thanks for all your comments today. I've just managed to log on and busy day at work. I decided to broach the subject with him today and he seemed understanding. He acknowledged the debt and I asked him to tell me how much he's owing out. Including the debt he owes me it's about £22k which is a lot but not as much as I thought considering it includes the £10-12k he owes me.

We had a breakthrough in that he is expecting some bulk overtime payments to come through mid February and he said he will transfer me £1,200 of it as over the past 5 months this is what I've lent him on top of the cards. I don't know whether to put this in my savings (as this is money I would have saved) or put it on one of the credit cards?

I feel like a different and stronger person today. I told him I have cancelled all my cards and I am not giving him anything. He seemed understanding and acknowledged he needs to get his act together. I told him I have been too nice.

Obviously this is all talk at the moment but it's a start at least. I get paid in 2 weeks so £900 will be going on one of the cards.

To those who've asked yes I have a few texts and messages I've accumulated over time where he talks about paying me back and "how much do I owe you" although there's nothing concrete that says the exact amount

Don't forget your boyfriends promise to pay you £1200 when he gets his overtime in a week or so just in case he suddenly finds something more pressing which needs to be paid for.

TinieT

Hi all, sorry I've been quiet work has been super busy. I've just had a text from my first credit card that says my interest free period finishes in March (a lot earlier than I actually thought). The APR is 18.9% :-( this is alongside my interest free card I recently got. I suppose my credit file would take a beating if I go and try apply for another 0% card right? I best not. I think il just have to deal with it

enthusiasticsaver

If you only have 2 cards and payments are up to date you should be able to get another 0% one on your income. Try using the mse eligibility checker as this is a soft search and wont show on your credit file.

TinieT

I will try that later tonight and see. So at the moment my cards are:

Barclays: (18.9% from March 17) £4,160
Lloyd's (0% for 30 months)- about £6,400

I have £4,500 in savings now and was tempted to take this all out and pay off the Barclaycard (the one incurring interest from next month) however it's too disheartening for me to get down to no savings again. I considered taking out £2,000 and putting that on the Barclays so in left with £2,160 therefore the interest incurred won't be as chunky when I'm making repayments.

That would mean if I put £500 a month on it from March I could pay barclaycard off in say 4 months. That would leave the Interest free card so I could put £300 a month on that to pay it in approx 2 years. I could also start saving £1,000 a month again in 4 months time.

Or is it better to retain my savings as much as possible considering they're so little and find another 0% card then pay £500 a month towards it for a year then do the same with my other one the following year = debt free in approx 2 years.