14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope

annandale

It's easy to look back on things and have the rose tinted specs on. You've said a few times on this thread you were happy in the relationship.

Personally I'd find it hard to be happy when I was carrying someone financially while he had plenty spare cash. At one point you were struggling financially while he had plenty spare cash?

I don't think you were happy about that and it's stuff like that that causes niggling resentment.

Did you ever tell him you needed him to contribute more to ease the financial burden on you?

my-user-name

annandale wrote: »

It's easy to look back on things and have the rose tinted specs on. You've said a few times on this thread you were happy in the relationship.

Personally I'd find it hard to be happy when I was carrying someone financially while he had plenty spare cash. At one point you were struggling financially while he had plenty spare cash?

I don't think you were happy about that and it's stuff like that that causes niggling resentment.

Did you ever tell him you needed him to contribute more to ease the financial burden on you?[/QUOTE
A few times I brought the subject up and a few times he said he would contribute more,
But he never did.I hated with a passion asking him but at times I did bring up the subject but did we sit down and have a heart to heart on this matter??,not really.He never opened up about his feelings and things like that,I didn't open up and tell him how I needed more money form him
Looking back I think we were as bad as each other if I'm truthful.:(
I know this stems back from the first few years together,I got myself in a mess financial wise I mean so I had to get a credit card,then a loan,then another card to sort the first card out etc.it was to keep my head above water.
He is one of those men who hates debt and I knew if I would of sat down with him he would said "ok if your struggling then what are you spending your money on?" then he would know I was in debt and that my money was paying back loans,cards etc and it would all come out.He said that once to me and I panicked so we never did properly sit down and talk.Why didn't I tell him?? probably because I was ashamed,probably because I thought he would think bad of me,a bit of both.
The God created PPI !! I applied for every card and loan I had taken out and with the refunds I received help sort myself out,plus I joined Debt Free Wannabee posts and learned how to sort myself out.

annandale

Did it never occur to him that what he was paying you towards the bills and food was a pittance?

Irrespective of how much money you did or didn't have?

my-user-name

annandale wrote: »

Did it never occur to him that what he was paying you towards the bills and food was a pittance?

Irrespective of how much money you did or didn't have?

Yes he probably did Annandale,I still say to this day that he knew I was in debt,when someone dives for the post the second a letter comes through the door then there hiding something ,thats what I did on a daily basis.
He knew.

annandale

Only a complete user would pay what he paid you. But if he knew you were in debt that's disgraceful

my-user-name

annandale wrote: »

Only a complete user would pay what he paid you. But if he knew you were in debt that's disgraceful

The only saving grace is it will never happen again,I look back on this thread and if it was anyone else I would say they are stupid and idiotic.I could remain bitter or I could use it as a learning curve and never allow it again with any future man who may come into my life..In reality he really has done me a massive favour and I have learned from it,good Lord Ive learned from it.

zippygeorgeandben

Just want to reassure the OP that not all men are so selfish! He'd come to terms with this relationship being too far gone for repair, it's just a shame that he didn't think to share that news with you at the time...
PS Can I provide your statement on plentyoffish? You sound lovely!

my-user-name

zippygeorgeandben wrote: »

Just want to reassure the OP that not all men are so selfish! He'd come to terms with this relationship being too far gone for repair, it's just a shame that he didn't think to share that news with you at the time...
PS Can I provide your statement on plentyoffish? You sound lovely!

Deep down I know not all men are the same zippy,I just have to think of my precious dad to realise this (God bless his lovely soul)
Plenty Of Fish lol is that still going?? I had a friend who met and married one of those fishes and shes still happy right now! The very thought of dating ,oh my giddy aunt no lol
And I don't want a friend with benefits either,knowing my luck it would be social security benefits lol .

zippygeorgeandben

Ok then how about sugardaddies.com?!
Keep the spirits up!

my-user-name

zippygeorgeandben wrote: »

Ok then how about sugardaddies.com?!
Keep the spirits up!

Steady on lol:D