14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope

Pollycat

my-user-name wrote: »

His REAL mum(not step mum this time)left message on answerphone,will totally and utterly ignore it,good Lord I will

What was the reason for the call?
More of the same yada yada 'He wasn't unfaithful to you'?

Personally, I disagree with Edward about calling, emailing or writing to either of his Mothers.
I would do absolutely nothing about contacting them as long as you are sure you can screen out their calls.
I think that will p**s them all off (including him where this 'not unfaithful' nonsense has originated) far more than asking them not to contact you.

And will probably take less thought and effort to do than getting in touch.

Unless the contact is upsetting you of course, then my suggestion would be different.
I think I'd be quite amused to listen to voice messages declaring their child's 'faithfulness''.
But after leaving an unfaithful husband, I got to quite enjoy playing mind games.

Mojisola

my-user-name wrote: »

His REAL mum(not step mum this time)left message on answerphone

You can see how his world works - the women around him put him first, forgive his failings and put themselves out to sort out his problems.

You've stepped outside that 'norm' and are now living your life for yourself. Good for you!

LannieDuck

He seems quite desperate to reassure himself that you're sad now he's gone, doesn't he?

Pollycat

LannieDuck wrote: »

He seems quite desperate to reassure himself that you're sad now he's gone, doesn't he?

I wonder if all this was designed to 'teach the OP a lesson' after the row they had in January.
You know, bring her back in line.
After all, it worked 3 years ago.

If that was the thought running through his mind, it's seriously backfired because the OP has found strength to start rebuilding her own life without him. :T

EdwardB

Pollycat wrote: »

What was the reason for the call?

More of the same yada yada 'He wasn't unfaithful to you'?

Personally, I disagree with Edward about calling, emailing or writing to either of his Mothers.
I would do absolutely nothing about contacting them as long as you are sure you can screen out their calls.

I think that will p**s them all off (including him where this 'not unfaithful' nonsense has originated) far more than asking them not to contact you.

And will probably take less thought and effort to do than getting in touch.

Unless the contact is upsetting you of course, then my suggestion would be different.
I think I'd be quite amused to listen to voice messages declaring their child's 'faithfulness''.
But after leaving an unfaithful husband, I got to quite enjoy playing mind games.

Pollycat you are funny!

Actually you are right in some ways; like a cat playing with a mouse, no fun in killing it straight away!

From what I remember this one of the mummies is slightly more decent, I think she will take it and stop.

The thing is, whilst one could have fun screening the calls, it kind of makes you a prisoner, the reason I have suggested a polite request to stop contact is that if this does turn out to be a long drawn out case of harassment, you have to show that you asked in a reasonable way for it to stop.

Once that is done, then I am right there with you, however, any message is only going to be the Drip's narrative, "I/he wasn't unfaithful, "I/he made a big mistake", "I am/he is truly sorry" "Blah de Blah de Blah", whether it be on an answerphone or a call. It just drags things out, confuses things and slows down the moving on.

Putting a stop to contact shows she is strong and moving on, if they persist then there are choices to be made.

One cat with a mouse type thing is that call screening service, not sure what it is called, but I called someone with it once, it asked me to say my name, made me wait, then said was not able to connect me. Is like having a social secretary!

If he or they starts going to hang ups then phone co can give a code to put in after each call, then Police can prosecute. I had that once and was totally surprised about who it was.

As for your Ex, I think karma has a way of delivering retribution if you let it; may his next girlfriend give him a nasty recurring Herpes or better still, may his new partner get it from her deceit and give it to him!!

Pollycat

EdwardB wrote: »

As for your Ex, I think karma has a way of delivering retribution if you let it; may his next girlfriend give him a nasty recurring Herpes or better still, may his new partner get it from her deceit and give it to him!!

Lordy! Lordy!

I've been married to Mr Pollycat #2 for almost 30 years!

spirit

He really is a spineless wotsit isn't he. Mojisola is right, all the women in his life have been babysitting him and for far too long.

I'd not contact any of them either. It just opens up a dialogue with them that you have to find your way round shutting down in the future.

Just ignore. If in letter form, put return to sender on and back in the postbox.

Top_Girl

Building on JoJo's point about another woman, it seems the most likely to me.




Quite aside from anything else, he's apparently 'had' to move into a property he's unhappy in after a few days at his mum's. This suggests that whatever he had planned to do hasn't worked out.

EdwardB

Top_Girl wrote: »

Building on JoJo's point about another woman, it seems the most likely to me.

Quite aside from anything else, he's apparently 'had' to move into a property he's unhappy in after a few days at his mum's. This suggests that whatever he had planned to do hasn't worked out.

Maybe she could not stand living with him!!

It did seem that his plan was to repeat what he did before, go and come back, but too many bad words and too much water under the bridge.

We can speculate by MUN is so past caring, which is great!

jude47

I'm a very long-time lurker, and although I seldom post, I felt I just had to pop on here to say how much I admire you, MUN. The way you are dealing with everything is amazing, and I think you're actually rather magnificent.
I'm in the group that thinks your ex may have had (or wanted to have) something going on with another woman and it's gone pear-shaped, hence his various female apologists trying to convince you he hasn't cheated, to clear the way for you to take him back. When my ex dumped me he assured me there was no-one else but two days later I found email exchanges which proved he was a liar. It took me years to reach the point of thinking, 'well, good riddance' and now I wonder why I let it take so long.
I also wanted to say that anyone who complains this forum isn't what it used to be should read this thread! Everyone is so supportive and kind, it's wonderful to see.
I'll be keeping a good thought for you, MUN, and cheering you on from the lurker's shadows.:T