14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope

barbiedoll

Another regular who has been following this thread...it is rather nice to see everyone being so supportive of OP

LannieDuck wrote: »

He seems quite desperate to reassure himself that you're sad now he's gone, doesn't he?

This made me laugh and it's absolutely spot on! And I've just noticed that he has not only one, but two mummies fighting his corner, what a sad case he is, especially when you realise that he is in his 50's.

I don't know if there was another [STRIKE]mug[/STRIKE] woman in his plans, but he does seem the type (like my ex) who can't function in the real world without a woman to hold his hand and (metaphorically) wipe his butt for him. I know you've had a difficult few weeks OP, but I think that everyone can see, including all of us strangers, that he was bleeding you dry, emotionally, and financially. Maybe that's why your friends are so nonchalant about him leaving, they're probably relieved that it's finally over and that you're actually free of the total waste of space that was cluttering up both your home and your life?

I don't know what sort of relationship that you had with his mum/stepmum, but it doesn't sound as though you think that either of them are actually concerned about your wellbeing? My ex MIL was very supportive when I split from her son, she was well aware of his shortcomings and she was horrified when she found out who he had left me for (nightmare, bunny-boiler ex of his from schooldays) I only ended contact with her because I didn't want to hear about him and I definitely didn't want him knowing stuff about me, not that his mum was a gossip.

Ignore, ignore, ignore all the way, is my advice. Whether or not he has a new squeeze and whether or not it's all gone pear-shaped, he'll still be DYING to know that you're sitting indoors with a soppy film, a box of mansized tissues and a huge bar of Dairy Milk, bawling your eyes out at the thought of your lost love. The idea that you're quite probably doing nothing of the sort, and that he'll never even know, is more than enough revenge!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You know, you could change your phone number...

You are getting harassing calls from various numbers, after all. And maybe a different phone company would give you a better deal than SKY does?

It's also only a fiver for a new SIM if your phone doesn't easily block numbers, although even mobile companies will often change numbers for free if a customer gets nuisance calls or texts.


Saves you the mistake I made of ignoring everything until a message that he had 'something awful and really important to tell [me]'. Picturing his Mum dying or a nephew in hospital, I called. Oh, disaster, tragedy, the horror! His brother had argued with his wife. :cool:

The call ended rather abruptly. 'What? You thought THAT was important?'. He was gabbling something about coming round for Tea & Closure (Closure? Is that a new type of biscuit?) as I hung up, having learned my lesson to never reward him with attention again after his disclosure of The Great Brother's Tiff Disaster. The messages, whether they were about collecting his 'stuff' - all collected years ago, asking if I fancied a coffee and catch up, that he hoped I was happy now - blissful since the day I knew he wasn't coming back again, ta very much - or the coming round for Tea & Closure thing again - eventually stopped after absolutely zero response to them. Fortunately, he would begrudge the cost of a stamp to post something to me (never managed to buy a birthday card in five years when he could deliver it by hand, so there was no way he'd put that extra effort in), so I was spared that irritation.


Thing is, when a parasite loses its host, it either needs to find itself a new one pretty darn quick, or to reattach itself to the last one again.

EdwardB

That is SO funny, I was looking for those closure buscuits, I could not find them in Tesco, Aldi or Lidl, so I popped into Waitrose and your know what? They didn't have them either!

Phone companies will change number if you are getting calls from previous subscribers.

As for SIMS. Jojo, call yourself Tightfisted? I can get 5 for £5, in fact you can get them free if you just ask for them to be sent by post, choose the same provider, add them to your online account, then swap the number.

The old sim will have no monthly charge and as long as you turn it on every 3 to 6 months and call it from another phone, it will of course have all those texts and messages just sitting there in nothingness.

Super point on parasites!

my-user-name

Crikey I thought Id jump on here and answer one or two posts and theres loads(hells bells!),each time I read a post either from the lovely people who have posted from day one or long time lurkers it gives me even more strength to carry on on my own and you all make me understand that he was indeed a leech whos had it bloody easy over the past 14 years.
Did I really love him as much as I thought??or am I just relieved that I'm finally on my own and away from that dead weight.(that's not bitterness talking,honestly it isn't)
As I mentioned in my last post,I received a phone message from his real mum when I arrived home from a residents meeting last night.(real mum and step mum both in carhoots with each other??) if they are then its not getting either of them anywhere.
It was just a basic message,how are you,sorry for ringing so late(8pm??)just checking if everyting is alright,speak to you soon. As I mentioned I never returned the call and I wont be returning the call.
So now Ive had either messages or phone calls from practically every member of his household and I could make a joke and say the only one left to ring me is his ex wife........but she messaged me within the first week of breaking up!! that went down like a lead balloon for me
Shes been there since day one and she had a right to be I guess considering they had children together but when the children are now grown men both well into their 20,s it kind of got me thinking "do we really still need her in our life??" obviously he thought we did..So she must of been one of the first who he told because she was the first to message me to say how sorry she was.Through gritted teeth I remember saying "oh I,ll survive,I always do" and for the first time in 14 years jealousy reared its ugly head on my part because she was the last one I wanted condolences from

Edward
Gday! Yep lumps in my throat and watery eyes no more,yay!! one or two girls spoke just a bit to me today about him and I told them how I feel right now.One said "no way are you over him" and one said "oh your a hard cow" I know which one I preferred lol,dont forget one or two have already met him and thought the sun shone out of his backside.(I'm still glad I hung on to tell them though)

Pollycat
Nah no return calls on my part for sure,hells bells no lol You mention "unless the contact is upsetting you" again nah,Im a tough Northern Lass,there not bothering me in the slightest,honestly!

Mojisola
That is exactly how his world works,hence him still being in constant contact with his ex wife,you know him sooooooooooo well lol

LannieDuck
Yes it does come across as him thinking I'm sat here alone and missing him,that just shows you the type of man he is,if only he knew...no on second thoughts I'm glad he dosent then he can wonder even more lol

Pollycat
Looking back over time I realised he has tried to pull the reigns in on me quite a few times,its always worked but not this time.Again I say if it wasn't for the lovely people on here giving me advice(and most importantly me taking it) then without doubt he would of reigned me in again,that could of happened until my dying day perish the thought.

spirit
I can definatly say,hand on heart,the letter is deep inside and tucked away in the black hole of Calcutta(my spare room),mind you now its all de cluttered and almost ready to become my second bedroom then those words will have to go and I,ll have to change them into pretty nice ones lol My Ebay bedroom furniture for the room arrives this Friday,yay!!!

Top Girl
Its all making sense isn't it? a rush to leave with no explaination,staying with his real mum,now living in a house he dosent actually like,yep the fog is clearing.God a month ago and that would of ripped my heart out,now its a case of "more fool you"

Edward once again......
You are one of a few men I know whos got a massive sense of humour and personality to match!! Now please don't shock us all and say your actually a lady lol
But the words he said to me when he told me he was leaving(fell out of love,end of the road for us,not into relationships blah blah blah )how on earth could I ever forgive them and most importantly forget them??it just would never be possible.Could I of loved him anymore,hell no so getting back together would of been impossible.I just wish he would of said those words 3 years ago then without doubt Id have more money in my purse right now.

jude47
Ive never had a long time lurker before,hiya!! To be totally honest Ive actually surprised myself how I'm feeling right now.Never in a million years would I ever think Id be feeling the way I do right now and in such a short space of time,very weird indeed.
But at the time when we was together I was blinded,he was my main priority and I always put him first(well apart form sodding off to New York on my own that is.BUT HE COULD OF COME WITH ME IF HE REALLY WANTED TO LOL) In a way I never allowed myself to think outside the box because I was too wrapped up in him,I couldn't see the wood for the trees I guess.Time away from him made me think differently and if he really did love me he would never of said those cruel words would he?

barbiedoll
2 mummies and a ex wife fighting his corner you mean ?? lol
Your right barbiedoll he was bleeding me dry but whos fault was that??yep me and its only now that I'm kicking myself for allowing it.Not just on the financial side but even the cooking side too,what a bloody fool I was to actually allow it?
Are his 2 mums concerned about my feeings?? well there both total opposites.One is a (cant spel this word)Mrs Boo kay, very posh indeed,posh house,good amount of money,always got the best china out when we visited.His real mum lives a very basic life,very little money and in the very first stages of Alziemers sadly,thats why her message last night dosent really bother me,she may still think were together possibly,just not sure on that.

" he'll still be DYING to know that you're sitting indoors with a soppy film, a box of mansized tissues and a huge bar of Dairy Milk, bawling your eyes out at the thought of your lost love"

Well I don't watch soppy films,,I use toilet roll to blow my nose..and the chocolate??? well one out of 3 isn't bad lol

Jojo
Tea and closure??? good Lord the closure would be when I throw him over the balcony if he came for tea and closure lol
He never bought you a birthday card in 5 years??sometimes I wish he hadn't bothered with sending me any considering they were the Card Factory type and definatly not the Hallmark range lol Yes I know its the thought that counts but when its a special occasion then no it bloody dosent

I hope and I think everyone knows how much I appreciate their input on this thread,Ive said it before and I,ll say it till I'm blue in the face that without your advice I'm not sure where I would be right now.I DONT MEAN ENDING IT! I just mean I could of gone running back to him,I could of begged him to come back,I could of stalked him,I could of run into the arms of the first man who shown me a nice side,I could of done a lot of wrong things but I listened to your advice,I looked at links that were put on here to read and you've all made me realise the love of my life who I had on a pedestal for so many years was actually a mean tight fisted inconsiderate miserable selfish pain in the !!! who truly dosent deserve me.
For once I was able to think outside the box,yes he did me a massive favour didn't he?

And on a separate note I received this email today....

You have won!

Dear **********

Congratulations, your postcode, ********, is a People's Postcode Lottery Winner! You've won £10 for every ticket you play with. Your winnings will be paid into the account you have registered with us within 28 days.

I was going to cancel it this week!! Ok so its only a tenner but my lucks still in.Im still going to cancel it though then I can say I left on a high lol

I keep thinking admin will look on this thread and say"right shes ok now,shes over him,lets pull the plug on this thread,sorry admin I didn't think Id get so much fantastic advice!
Feeling the way I do must mean I'm actually over him dosent it??I'm sure I can say I am over him right at this very minute but I also realise that's not normal in such a short space of time.Im happy to stick with this feeling though.

Pollycat

Congratulations in the lottery win.
Spend it (un)wisely but make sure it's spent on you!

my-user-name wrote: »

I keep thinking admin will look on this thread and say"right shes ok now,shes over him,lets pull the plug on this thread,sorry admin I didn't think Id get so much fantastic advice!
Feeling the way I do must mean I'm actually over him dosent it??I'm sure I can say I am over him right at this very minute but I also realise that's not normal in such a short space of time.Im happy to stick with this feeling though.

Admin won't close the thread, that tends to happen when threads get a tad argumentative/nasty.

barbiedoll is right - you have had a lot of supportive posts.
And that's nice because quite often it's not like that.

-taff

my-user-name wrote: »

you've all made me realise the love of my life who I had on a pedestal for so many years was actually a mean tight fisted inconsiderate miserable selfish pain in the !!! who truly dosent deserve me.

So funny!! And yup....
and congratulations on the win

Kirklees1992

Sorry, but I think it has to be pointed out that if this man was given a free ride in your relationship, ie contributing very little, he did so because you let him.

People phoning you up to ask how you are isn't harassment.

This is turning into 15 pages of kicking your ex (and his family) and assuming that he had another woman.

Yes he sounded awful, but you let him away with not pulling his weight and not paying his share.

As for being over him in 4 weeks, you may find that unresolved feelings bite you on the bottom later, I don't believe that it's possible to get closure on a long relationship in a month

Pollycat

Pollycat wrote: »

barbiedoll is right - you have had a lot of supportive posts.
And that's nice because quite often it's not like that.

Whoops! I guess I spoke too soon.

Kirklees1992 wrote: »

Sorry, but I think it has to be pointed out that if this man was given a free ride in your relationship, ie contributing very little, he did so because you let him.

People phoning you up to ask how you are isn't harassment.

This is turning into 15 pages of kicking your ex (and his family) and assuming that he had another woman.

Yes he sounded awful, but you let him away with not pulling his weight and not paying his share.

As for being over him in 4 weeks, you may find that unresolved feelings bite you on the bottom later, I don't believe that it's possible to get closure on a long relationship in a month

Have you read post #208?

His step-Mum didn't really ring to ask how the OP was.
She rang to insist he hadn't been unfaithful.

Have you read post #279?
You don't know why his Mum rang (and neither does anybody else) because she just left a message.

Throughout these 15 pages, very few people have suggested or assumed that he had another woman.

I'm sure the OP is well aware of where she went wrong in this relationship.

Whether the OP has actually got 'closure' in a few short weeks is neither here not there.
The important thing is that she has recognised that the relationship was very one-sided and is moving on.

-taff

Kirklees1992 wrote: »

Sorry, but I think it has to be pointed out that if this man was given a free ride in your relationship, ie contributing very little, he did so because you let him......

Yes he sounded awful, but you let him away with not pulling his weight and not paying his share.

Suggest you brush up on your reading skills.

read post #294 response to barbiedoll......

DollyDee_2

Another lurker here. I've read all the thread and just wanted to say well done & best wishes to MUN!

Some of the posts have really made me smile and you have been given (and taken) excellent advice.

One thing really puzzles me - how on earth did he manage to get a council house so quickly and easily. From what I've read on MSE, single parents with children with special needs who haven't made themselves intentionally homeless only get emergency housing in B & B's etc. You said a few posts ago that his children are in their 20's now. I suspect porkies are being told. Perhaps I'm wrong but it seems strange. Or perhaps he's renting privately on a council estate?

All the best MUN.

Dolly