14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope

calicocat

This board has a huge history of being nasty to people, it is why I may lurk but never post in the past. I have seen people be very abusive to be honest on this board, pathetic and sad when folk come for a bit of advice.

Considering the title of the board......... .... it usually ends up in a full on war of people arguing and slllagging folk off. This board is generally considered a joke amongst other areas of here, , those who value discussion rather than simple judgement and assumptions and little retrospective intellect .

This thread has been up until recently very helpful for OP, it would be nice if it could be kept that way .


No-one has bashed without reason the "ex" . OP has been very frank about everything and honest, thankfully with most posters she has been allowed to vent her feelings and had helpful responses.

With a bit of luck maybe this could be the way forward in future, somehow sadly I doubt it.


Negative and judgemental people unwanted on this thread , you are not usefull at alll , you are not helpful ..at all...you are projecting your inability to engage in intellectual dialogue by simply disagreeing with things without an ability to discuss.

You can leave a thread anytime you like.

EdwardB

calicocat wrote: »

This board has a huge history of being nasty to people, it is why I may lurk but never post in the past. I have seen people be very abusive to be honest on this board, pathetic and sad when folk come for a bit of advice.

Considering the title of the board......... .... it usually ends up in a full on war of people arguing and slllagging folk off. This board is generally considered a joke amongst other areas of here, , those who value discussion rather than simple judgement and assumptions and little retrospective intellect.

This thread has been up until recently very helpful for OP, it would be nice if it could be kept that way .

No-one has bashed without reason the "ex" . OP has been very frank about everything and honest, thankfully with most posters she has been allowed to vent her feelings and had helpful responses.

With a bit of luck maybe this could be the way forward in future, somehow sadly I doubt it.

Negative and judgemental people unwanted on this thread , you are not usefull at alll , you are not helpful ..at all...you are projecting your inability to engage in intellectual dialogue by simply disagreeing with things without an ability to discuss.

You can leave a thread anytime you like.

Very Apt comments.

I found myself attacked in another thread, I responded appropriately and got a yellow card! The posts were removed, mine and theirs. Other also piled in, I thought it was like the school playground except in that situation a short sharp shock to the bully usually did the trick for 5 years.

My general rule is if you can't help the OP just move on, there is bound to be a thread where you CAN help.

I am not likely to lurk, if a forum gets bad I tend to vote with my feet.

The thing is this forum is not moderated for legal reasons, if they moderated it they would be responsible.

You get "mother hen" types who seem to take care of others, you have "naughty child" types, some skate very close to the line, say things to shock, then attack others who respond to their baiting.

As you say they can unsubscribe and they can find other threads where maybe they have some expertise or experience that may help.

You are right; intellect may be beyond some; I have seen some men have ago at women, a few misogynist and a few just projecting their own relationship issues or how they felt they were treated by others. I can understand how their experiences may have left them confused and/or unable to trust again, but disagreement for disagreement sake is not productive. Anyway if anyone wants a good scrap there is always the Brexit or other political threads!

Agreed. MUN has been so open and honest, taken advice and maintained her dignity, all while having to deal with deep emotional loss.

Your input calicocat has been very helpful as has the vast majority here.

Pollycat

EdwardB wrote: »

You get "mother hen" types who seem to take care of others.

I'm not a touchy-feely, 'there, there, have a cup of tea and it will all work out OK' type of person.

In fact I said as much on this thread on page 1.
When a good friend of mine's husband walked out on her, all her other friends were telling her what benefits she'd be entitled to, that she'd be able to stay in the house until her youngest was out of full time education etc etc.

I was busy on t'internet, googling, going with her to CAB & solicitors, asking key questions, making notes.
She listened to those friends, she didn't like the message I had for her but several years down the line, she admitted that she really wished she'd listened to me and done things differently.

EdwardB wrote: »

As you say MUN has been so open and honest, taken advice and maintained her dignity, all while having to deal with deep emotional loss.

Actually, I think I'd quite like to have MUN as a RL friend.

my-user-name

Morning everyone!!
The weather is glorious here today,makes you feel glad to be alive!(if it keeps like this I,ll be carbooting for bargains tomorrow!),yay!!
I understand what you all mean regarding bashing a thread for no reason,Ive seen it many times over the past few years.(you need a thick skin to post a problem on Digital Spy)
However on saying that I did once put a problem post on the advice section of DS and the members were amazing,I had a total of 58 pages long,all to help my one problem lol
Right at the very end of it some bloody troll came on and basically said I was a liar and what I had put wasn't the truth,GOOD LORD IT WAS THE TRUTH!!
The thread was titled "Ive found some war time love letters in a clearance shop,advice needed" heres my very first post....

A few weeks ago while on holiday in Wales I went into a house clearance/bric a brac shop.There was some nice things but also alot of yucky stuff but I had a look around and under a pile of 78 records I came across a bunch of envelopes with letters inside them,they were tied together with a purple ribbon.

Being the nosey !!!!!! I untied the ribbon and opened the first letter on top(all the letters had been slit opened at the top and all had postmarks on them).

The first letter brought tears to my eyes,the date on the letter was 12th August 1944,it was from a young girl called Milly(Mildred) and it was a letter to her fiancee Harry(Harold)
This letter was a definate love letter and the words in it just made me fill up,she talked of her fears now that he is away and how she longs for his return and lots of other things to reasure him that everything is going to be ok.

I read a few more and felt that I was intruding in something very personal so I put them back under the records,however the more I thought about them the more I thought these letters shouldnt be in a tatty clearance shop so next day I went back and bought them all(there was 20 of them) and they ranged from 1941 to 1954,some of them are from Milly to Harry and others were from Harry to Milly(he was just as romantic)

Reading through the letters I can find the ladies date of birth but thats all,however in the later letters(1950,s)they mention a daughter who they name.

I asked the lady in the shop at the time how she got them and she said the letters were found under a huge wardbrobe when they cleared out the womans home.

Because these letters were so loving and explain how things were while the war was on,Id dearly love to find some member of their family to ask if they would like them,any advice on how I could go about it?

Sorry its such a long post.:o

Everyone banded together on the forum board and yes I did track the family of Harry and Milly and was able to give the family their letters back.I ended up going to Liverpool at some seamans mission and found out all about this lovely couple because some people there knew them when they was both alive.Some of the letters had me in tears especially one that Milly wrote to Harry one new years eve while he was away at war.
Sadly there was a sad ending to the story and although the forum members helped so much I felt it too personal for their family if I had told them this sad ending.Everyone understood except one troll who jumped on right at the very end to say what I had put wasn't true,that really put a sad taste in my mouth and I was glad once the thread was over.

So there is some possitives on forum boards,its just a shame some people just love to knock the niceness out of some threads

I'm going in all directions again arnt I??

Mojisola

my-user-name wrote: »

Reading through the letters I can find the ladies date of birth but thats all,however in the later letters(1950,s)they mention a daughter who they name.

I asked the lady in the shop at the time how she got them and she said the letters were found under a huge wardbrobe when they cleared out the womans home.

Because these letters were so loving and explain how things were while the war was on,Id dearly love to find some member of their family to ask if they would like them,any advice on how I could go about it?

The good people on RootsChat would love to help with this.

They've done some amazing detective work on similar mysteries.

my-user-name

Mojisola wrote: »

The good people on RootsChat would love to help with this.

They've done some amazing detective work on similar mysteries.

This was way back in 2009 Mojisola; and the members on digital spy were fantastic,they were like a dog with a bone lol
I did manage to track their family down and I did indeed return the war time love letters

Redlady.....

my-user-name wrote: »

Morning everyone!!
The weather is glorious here today,makes you feel glad to be alive!(if it keeps like this I,ll be carbooting for bargains tomorrow!),yay!!
I understand what you all mean regarding bashing a thread for no reason,Ive seen it many times over the past few years.(you need a thick skin to post a problem on Digital Spy)
However on saying that I did once put a problem post on the advice section of DS and the members were amazing,I had a total of 58 pages long,all to help my one problem lol
Right at the very end of it some bloody troll came on and basically said I was a liar and what I had put wasn't the truth,GOOD LORD IT WAS THE TRUTH!!
The thread was titled "Ive found some war time love letters in a clearance shop,advice needed" heres my very first post....

A few weeks ago while on holiday in Wales I went into a house clearance/bric a brac shop.There was some nice things but also alot of yucky stuff but I had a look around and under a pile of 78 records I came across a bunch of envelopes with letters inside them,they were tied together with a purple ribbon.

Being the nosey !!!!!! I untied the ribbon and opened the first letter on top(all the letters had been slit opened at the top and all had postmarks on them).

The first letter brought tears to my eyes,the date on the letter was 12th August 1944,it was from a young girl called Milly(Mildred) and it was a letter to her fiancee Harry(Harold)
This letter was a definate love letter and the words in it just made me fill up,she talked of her fears now that he is away and how she longs for his return and lots of other things to reasure him that everything is going to be ok.

I read a few more and felt that I was intruding in something very personal so I put them back under the records,however the more I thought about them the more I thought these letters shouldnt be in a tatty clearance shop so next day I went back and bought them all(there was 20 of them) and they ranged from 1941 to 1954,some of them are from Milly to Harry and others were from Harry to Milly(he was just as romantic)

Reading through the letters I can find the ladies date of birth but thats all,however in the later letters(1950,s)they mention a daughter who they name.

I asked the lady in the shop at the time how she got them and she said the letters were found under a huge wardbrobe when they cleared out the womans home.

Because these letters were so loving and explain how things were while the war was on,Id dearly love to find some member of their family to ask if they would like them,any advice on how I could go about it?

Sorry its such a long post.:o

Everyone banded together on the forum board and yes I did track the family of Harry and Milly and was able to give the family their letters back.I ended up going to Liverpool at some seamans mission and found out all about this lovely couple because some people there knew them when they was both alive.Some of the letters had me in tears especially one that Milly wrote to Harry one new years eve while he was away at war.
Sadly there was a sad ending to the story and although the forum members helped so much I felt it too personal for their family if I had told them this sad ending.Everyone understood except one troll who jumped on right at the very end to say what I had put wasn't true,that really put a sad taste in my mouth and I was glad once the thread was over.

So there is some possitives on forum boards,its just a shame some people just love to knock the niceness out of some threads

I'm going in all directions again arnt I??

What a lovely story, thank you MUN :T

EdwardB

my-user-name wrote: »

Morning everyone!!
The weather is glorious here today,.....
....So there is some possitives on forum boards,its just a shame some people just love to knock the niceness out of some threads

I'm going in all directions again arnt I??

The only direction is up!

I heard on radio a while back that one of the London museums was putting up a display of such letters, they read some on air, very moving.

Such a different time.

I saw film called Allied with Brad Pitt & Marion Cotillard, set in war, very different time here is info on it - avoid watching the trailer, big spoiler.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3640424/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Marion Cotillard is all over the place at the moment, very different role in Assasins Creed

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2094766/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_3

and she is lead in one of my favourite foreign films, a movie that I could never see being made in UK or US.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2737050/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_12

There are a few more directions for you!!

Must be catching!

my-user-name

EdwardB wrote: »

The only direction is up!

I heard on radio a while back that one of the London museums was putting up a display of such letters, they read some on air, very moving.

Such a different time.

I saw film called Allied with Brad Pitt & Marion Cotillard, set in war, very different time here is info on it - avoid watching the trailer, big spoiler.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3640424/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Marion Cotillard is all over the place at the moment, very different role in Assasins Creed

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2094766/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_3

and she is lead in one of my favourite foreign films, a movie that I could never see being made in UK or US.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2737050/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_12

There are a few more directions for you!!

Must be catching!

Wow that's a lot of links to look through,thanks so much Edward!!
Yep the love letters I found were different to the ones we receive(or receive via email and text) I think the art of letter writing is dead and gone and that's the saddest part of all isn't it.
Can I just ask a very quick question?? it has nothing to do with this post,well I suppose its more to do with forum boards that we mentioned a few days ago.
I went on to gransnet forum board at the weekend and the members were talking about a certain problem a woman was going through.A family member of mine had experience of her problem because she went through similar a few years ago so I posted a reply(so did many others) and I thought that was it.
Shortly afterwards I received a private message from one of the members who posted on this problem,she was also going through the same as the woman who posted her problem.
She asked me a few questions which I was able to answer and I replied back to her.
She thanked me and asked if she could ring me to discuss her problem in finer detail.
I answered her with more information that she asked about but I didn't mention anything about her asking if she could ring me.
Ive received another 2 private messages from her and she keeps going on asking if she can ring me and can I give her my number or she could send me hers.
The old side of me would probably say "yes ok she needs advice which might be able to help her" ....however the new me is thinking "Ive enough problems in my life without adding someone elses problem to them".I rarely give my number out to anyone(well ok HIS family have it!) but is it strange that shes asking to ring me to talk over her problem??? I know I wouldn't ask a forum member for their phone number,
Ive even thought of blocking her but that's not a nice thing to do.
She needs help I agree but its her asking if she can ring me which is making me feel a bit iffy.Her last message to me was at 4-30 this morning.
Ring?dont ring?block??

Mojisola

my-user-name wrote: »

She thanked me and asked if she could ring me to discuss her problem in finer detail.

I answered her with more information that she asked about but I didn't mention anything about her asking if she could ring me.

Now Ive received another private message and she keeps going on asking if she can ring me and can I give her my number or she could send me hers.

Ring?dont ring?block??

Don't ring. Don't give your number.

There's nothing that can't be discussed in 'finer detail' by the written word.

I've twice got caught up with very needy strangers through our local ME group - it got so bad that I had to stop answering the phone because they phoned whenever they wanted and talked for as long as they wanted (and it was mostly repetitive because they didn't really want to take advice, just moan about their situation) without any consideration for the toll it was taking on my health.