14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope

calicocat

my-user-name wrote: »

my-user-name wrote: »

Morning calicocat,You asked if I did any exercise while losing all that weight...nope not one bit.However I joined Slimming World and kept to the healthy eating religiously throughout the week and once I had my weigh in I always had a good treat and I still managed to lose the weight each week so I'm going to do the same this time and will lose it asap,I simply have to.(thankfully it didn't leave me with loose skin)

That's the difference from the last time he ended it to this time,last time I was able to do something about it(losing weight) this time it would of been impossible to love him any more and to do more for him,thats why I haven't fought for him this time.(shouldn't of fought for him last time):(
I too would love a dog but work puts a hold on that but it would be lovely.
Car boot was good this morning,I was awake all night because I wasn't tired and I was at the boot sales by 6-30am.It was a little bit quiet but I managed ot get some nice bargains,I came home with a empty purse so I must of had a good time lol
And I was a good girl,I didn't flirt!

Well the fact that you weren't running 8 miles a day is music to my ears I can tell you... . Hoovering the stairs has me boiling hot with the ruddy menopause. Glad you got some lovely new things. Yes taking a walk or reading a good book has its major positives, but whoever said that spending money doesn't make you happy and is shallow wants their head looked at.....because in certain situations it flipping well does pick you up.


You clearly have a lot of love to give someone, . someone who deserves it. For now, that can be directed at you.

I have one of those core master things, mostly I just look at it , but am going to get back into that. I have been looking at things that don't cost money, or too much time . Running up and down stairs for the blast exercise, and just been reading today that planking is really good for core strength. I'm no gym bunny as find them boring, but used to love kick boxing, no time for that with work shifts now.

The dog buddy thing might be good for you too then.

Keep well, work tomorrow for you ? That will focus your mind for a while.

my-user-name

calicocat wrote: »

my-user-name wrote: »

Well the fact that you weren't running 8 miles a day is music to my ears I can tell you... . Hoovering the stairs has me boiling hot with the ruddy menopause. Glad you got some lovely new things. Yes taking a walk or reading a good book has its major positives, but whoever said that spending money doesn't make you happy and is shallow wants their head looked at.....because in certain situations it flipping well does pick you up.


You clearly have a lot of love to give someone, . someone who deserves it. For now, that can be directed at you.

I have one of those core master things, mostly I just look at it , but am going to get back into that. I have been looking at things that don't cost money, or too much time . Running up and down stairs for the blast exercise, and just been reading today that planking is really good for core strength. I'm no gym bunny as find them boring, but used to love kick boxing, no time for that with work shifts now.

The dog buddy thing might be good for you too then.

Keep well, work tomorrow for you ? That will focus your mind for a while.

Running 8 miles a day?? oh my giddy aunt no lol
I do feel better for going out today calicocat,mind you I crashed out on the settee as soon as I got home lol
I know I,d never be as foolish next time if someone ever comes into my life but that's way over the horizon,for now I'm just happy being my own boss and sorting out my home but once its done then without doubt I will hold a big get together for my family and friends.
I,ll be restriced on sorting out my living room this week due to being in work but bit by bit after work I,ll start my planning.
You really do sound as if you've got your head together on your last relationship calicocat,its good that you finally said "enough enough" and sent him on the high road,respect lovely lady!!

calicocat

I cant say my head is totally sorted. One minute i'm all sensible, but then get a flood of disapointment and sadness....but we have to keep going.

It isnt the end of the world later on when you look back, just another phase of lifes rich and at times annoying pattern.

I have a few things i'm saving for at the moment, but i think some new soft furnishings are coming my way too soon, cheer myself up. Might inject some new curtains in the lounge for the summer, light and airy voiles or something, and get the winter ones down.

I feel a trip to the shops is in order.......any excuse .................

Hope you sleep better.

my-user-name

calicocat wrote: »

I cant say my head is totally sorted. One minute i'm all sensible, but then get a flood of disapointment and sadness....but we have to keep going.

It isnt the end of the world later on when you look back, just another phase of lifes rich and at times annoying pattern.

I have a few things i'm saving for at the moment, but i think some new soft furnishings are coming my way too soon, cheer myself up. Might inject some new curtains in the lounge for the summer, light and airy voiles or something, and get the winter ones down.

I feel a trip to the shops is in order.......any excuse .................

Hope you sleep better.

Well Ive had some news regarding him today and its left me more confused than ever.
One of my neighbours saw him in the city centre today so they both stopped and spoke to each other.
After a while he asked my neighbour how I was doing and my neighbour replied"she has her good days and she has her bad days but that's understandable after 14 years"
The ex then said"I have tried my best to speak to her and explain but she wasn't having any of it!(so this must of been the reason why he texted me at nearly midnight just the once asking if he could ring me because iits "quite important")
My neighbour then shocked me and said"I hate to say this but he came across as someone who really hates you",I was shocked.
I asked to explain and he said my ex commented "theres is no way whatsoever that I will ever get back with her" So hes telling people hes tried to explain things to me on why he called it a day yet for 14 years hes never opened up to me or anyone else.
My neighbour said without doubt he is angry with me and seemed to be blaming me for the break up for some reason and its bugging me why hes blaming me??he was the one who said he no longer loved me,he was the one who said our relationship has reached the end of the road,it was him who said after 14 years he,s not into relationships......so why the hell is he blaming me?
I was no different to him leading up to the bombshell that he didn't love me anymore,I was oblivious to anything that I was doing differently.He was the one who wanted to move out and leave me so why is he blaming me and being angry at me.
Part of me wants to contact him and just ask him this but if to be known I don't want to speak to him at all but on the other hand I really need to know why hes so angry with me when I didn't even want this in the first place.
My neighbour said he has lost a lot of weight and its noticeable,surely this alone should make him happy??

Mojisola

my-user-name wrote: »

Part of me wants to contact him and just ask him this but if to be known I don't want to speak to him at all but on the other hand I really need to know why hes so angry with me when I didn't even want this in the first place.

Please don't. It's over - he isn't part of your life any more.

What does it matter what he thinks or says?

If anyone else tells you that they've seen him or talked to him, tell them you don't want to know and change the subject.

spirit

Agreed with Mojisola, no good can come of you contacting him. If he's not opened up in the past, he's certainly not going to do it now is he. All it will do is rub salt into your wounds.

And it sounds a bit like the neighbour is stirring things.

You've had a lucky escape now.

my-user-name

Mojisola wrote: »

Please don't. It's over - he isn't part of your life any more.

What does it matter what he thinks or says?

If anyone else tells you that they've seen him or talked to him, tell them you don't want to know and change the subject.

I understand what you mean Mojisola and I really don't want to speak to him but I cannot understand why he has to blame me or come across as blaming me for the break up.Im not the bad person in this,foolish yes but not the bad one.
Guess its just shook me up a bit

my-user-name

spirit wrote: »

Agreed with Mojisola, no good can come of you contacting him. If he's not opened up in the past, he's certainly not going to do it now is he. All it will do is rub salt into your wounds.

And it sounds a bit like the neighbour is stirring things.

You've had a lucky escape now.

Its clear to see so many questions were left unanswered when we broke up and like you say,he never opened in the past and probably wont do it now even though he told the neighbour he has tried.
Not sure about the stirring things spirit,Im beginning to understand no one at the moment,I don't know whos good for me or whos bad for me,just a tad confused but I wont contact him,it could make things even worse.

spirit

my-user-name wrote: »

I understand what you mean Mojisola and I really don't want to speak to him but I cannot understand why he has to blame me or come across as blaming me for the break up.Im not the bad person in this,foolish yes but not the bad one.
Guess its just shook me up a bit

Maybe he was looking for sympathy from your neighbour. He was unlikely to say it was his fault was he.

and, he knew that anything he said to your neighbour would get back to you.

spirit

my-user-name wrote: »

Its clear to see so many questions were left unanswered when we broke up and like you say,he never opened in the past and probably wont do it now even though he told the neighbour he has tried.
Not sure about the stirring things spirit,Im beginning to understand no one at the moment,I don't know whos good for me or whos bad for me,just a tad confused but I wont contact him,it could make things even worse.

I'd be inclined to do a bit of self preservation MUN. Distance yourself from him and those who he associates with. Yes, tell the neighbour and anyone else who tells you they've seen him, sorry, you have moved on and are not interested what he has to say for himself now.