Other thread opened my eyes

spirit

lessonlearned wrote: »

Saw my fathers solicitor today. I have never been so embarassed in all my life.

He was asking about my sister, what her intentions were. I had to blink back the tears as I tried to answer him. I could see he was plainly shocked.

I guess they must come across this kind of scenario quite regularly because he told me there is a formula they use to try and establish fairness.

He came up with a figure that he thinks she should relinquish to me in order to ensure a fair and equitable division of the estate.

I cannot see her accepting that figure. As soon as he said the amount he had in mind I envisaged yet another hissy fit and that the accusations will be flying again in an email bombardment.

Well I'm not going to rise......it's up to her, on her conscience. I am not going to be drawn into any further discussion. It's between her and the solicitor now.

He is seeing her tomorrow......poor man.:o

He is a professional and therefore emotionally detached to the situation LL. Let him deal with your sister. That way she can't think that it's you that's behind it.


Edit to add. if she then emails you after her meeting with him. You can simply reply that it's nothing to do with you and is in the hands of the lawyers.

lessonlearned

Spirit.......that's my plan. I think that's the best way to handle it all from now on.

Floss thanks for that.good advice. Yes I will keep her emails in a Separate folder.

Shropshirelass

LL so sorry you are feeling so bad, I do sympathize. The idea of directing all Sis's emails into a dedicated folder is good. Try to only read/check them once a day, so you won't spend your time wondering 'what's going to hit me next'.

In the end, my husband insisted that I did not accept phone calls from my brother, as I ended up in tears every time, with him shouting at me. We dealt with all the business of the will, selling house etc via email (into folder), solicitor and estate agent. It was perfectly possible, and much less emotionally draining, though still upsetting. Still, you live and learn, thinking back, it's what I should have expected. Life is much, much more pleasant now. I still miss Dad, though he was so difficult.

Shame the weather is so poor, a break outside is always helpful, perhaps you can visit somewhere you can relax and concentrate on more pleasant things. Best wishes and hugs

Litchielou

Big hugs LL, as other posters have said send emails to a separate folder from your sister.
Hopefully the solicitor sorts it all out with some ease. (Maybe not).

Take care xx

Mojisola

lessonlearned wrote: »

He came up with a figure that he thinks she should relinquish to me in order to ensure a fair and equitable division of the estate.

I cannot see her accepting that figure. As soon as he said the amount he had in mind I envisaged yet another hissy fit and that the accusations will be flying again in an email bombardment.

spirit wrote: »

He is a professional and therefore emotionally detached to the situation LL. Let him deal with your sister.

Edit to add. if she then emails you after her meeting with him. You can simply reply that it's nothing to do with you and is in the hands of the lawyers.

You can tell her that she has to direct all contact to the solicitor and that you will not discuss the estate with her any more.

Every time she does this, it will cost the estate and reduce her inheritance - that might focus her mind on settling on a quick agreement.

lessonlearned

I have just spoken to a very dear friend in RL who has just advised the very same thing. I think you are all spot on and I will do exactly this. All correspondence through the solicitor.

I know her fiancial situation is pretty grim, (well it always is) and that she is desperate to get things settled, because she is in debt.

Well I am not in that situation so I can actually play a long game. I could, if I felt so inclined, wrap her up in litigation for years a la Jarndyce and Jarndyce. I won't though because I'm not vindictive. I too want put this to bed now.....but for very different reasons. Now that the scales Have fallen from my eyes I just want her out of my life.

I want a "clean break divorce", and the sooner the better.

I have mulled over the issue with the land and have made a final decision. SHe can keep it, its just more hassle than it's worth. I do not want my sons to have to go through this if/when I die. I want everything settled and all financial ties severed for once and for all.

I have instructed the solicitor not to mention a figure tomorrow, in fact not to raise the issue at all, but to wait and see if an offer is forthcoming. We can take it from there.

If she is sensible and makes a decent offer then I will be happy to wrap this up, even if it is less than the figure he suggests. Im not greedy.

However if she makes an insulting or derisory offer then I will bow out and let the solicitor go for the metaphorical jugular.

Siebrie

Good, that's what you are paying him to do. Make sure you do not discuss any estate business with her, because it may make it very hard for the solicitor to get the best result.

spirit

Has there been any fallout since your sister's meeting with the solicitor today?

I'm hoping not of course.

lessonlearned

spirit wrote: »

Has there been any fallout since your sister's meeting with the solicitor today?

I'm hoping not of course.

I have not heard a word from her.

Solicitor will probably ring me within the next few days.

Is this the lull before the storm.?? :rotfl:

maryb

Interesting article in the Daily Mail today by Angela Levin about her awful mother. Sorry typing on tablet and hard to do links. It all sounded so familiar