Other thread opened my eyes

monnagran

If you can do that Spirit, that's brilliant. Its even better really because however careful you are about what you say it will be twisted when it suits the Narcissists agenda.

And the smile will get right up her nose!

If anyone feels that they have lived with a Narcissist try going on Pinterest and looking up Narcissism. The quotes on there will have you nodding agreement and feeling comforted that all the things you have suffered and experienced can be encapsulated in a few pithy words.
This is a much more common syndrome than anyone realises.

x

spirit

monnagran wrote: »

If you can do that Spirit, that's brilliant. Its even better really because however careful you are about what you say it will be twisted when it suits the Narcissists agenda.

And the smile will get right up her nose!

If anyone feels that they have lived with a Narcissist try going on Pinterest and looking up Narcissism. The quotes on there will have you nodding agreement and feeling comforted that all the things you have suffered and experienced can be encapsulated in a few pithy words.
This is a much more common syndrome than anyone realises.

x

Indeed so Monna. You'd have thought that the penny would have dropped with regards to The Trollop given that My mother is a Narcissist wouldn't you.

I learned quite a bit about The Trollop in the 6 months they lived with me whilst saving up for their house deposit (I charged them a pittance in that time to help them) - It was the day after they moved out that she unleashed her massive gob on me.

lessonlearned

"The Trollop". :rotfl: I love that word - it just rolls off the tongue.:D

monnagran

lessonlearned wrote: »

"The Trollop". :rotfl: I love that word - it just rolls off the tongue.:D

Doesn't it just!

Spirit: Another thing I have learned is that all the things that a Narcissist accuses you of are exactly the things they do to everyone else. I was accused by my last Narc of being controlling, humiliating, inhospitable, growing old, (spat at me as if it was a lifestyle choice) ....................
When I relayed all this to a trusted friend she pointed out that all the things I was accused of were things which the Narc was well known for displaying.

How could I not see this?

It sounds as though when the Trollop opened her big fresh mouth to you, she gave a pretty good description of herself.

Apparently, if you read up on Narcissism and start having uncomfortable feelings that you may be one yourself and examine yourself for signs of it, don't worry. That means that you can't possibly be one because it wouldn't cross a Narc's mind that any of this could be applied to them. It's Just impossible for them to contemplate it.

My goodness. What a can of worms.

I hope you are feeling better about the whole situation.

x

spirit

lessonlearned wrote: »

"The Trollop". :rotfl: I love that word - it just rolls off the tongue.:D

I can't take credit for that word although it describes her perfectly. I just happened to be telling a good friend about it and it was her who referred to her as a trollop.


Blimey, even the neighbour opposite commented that she would be 'no great loss' in my life. they didn't even know her.

spirit

monnagran wrote: »

Doesn't it just!

Spirit: Another thing I have learned is that all the things that a Narcissist accuses you of are exactly the things they do to everyone else. I was accused by my last Narc of being controlling, humiliating, inhospitable, growing old, (spat at me as if it was a lifestyle choice) ....................
When I relayed all this to a trusted friend she pointed out that all the things I was accused of were things which the Narc was well known for displaying.

How could I not see this?

It sounds as though when the Trollop opened her big fresh mouth to you, she gave a pretty good description of herself.

Apparently, if you read up on Narcissism and start having uncomfortable feelings that you may be one yourself and examine yourself for signs of it, don't worry. That means that you can't possibly be one because it wouldn't cross a Narc's mind that any of this could be applied to them. It's Just impossible for them to contemplate it.

My goodness. What a can of worms.

I hope you are feeling better about the whole situation.

x

What a disgusting excuse of a human being you were involved with Monna. You're too nice a person for that kind of rubbish xx


Yes, I have often also hoped that I wasn't the 'apple that didn't fall too far from the tree' in that respect!


I just hope that one day in the not too distant future that my son takes his blinkers off. He's been played like a good un. It's hard being his mum and non being able to rip his rose tinted specs off.

lessonlearned

Can of worms indeed.......;)

When I first starting reading about NPD I thought OMG this is me!!! :rotfl:

But then when you really get into it you realise that's not the case because narcs have no sense of self awareness. And that is their nemesis.

Because they have no sense of awareness they simply cannot change. In a way you do have to pity them because the way it was explained to me narcissism is one of the few mental states that cannot be changed.

Most character flaws or mental states can be changed. Things like agression can respond to better anger management, addictions can be overcome, depression can be alleviated or at least managed, people can increase their confidence, people learn to manage their OCD. I used to be a bit obsessive about cleaning, now I just take my glasses off:rotfl:

Dealing with these issues can take time, effort, patience and in some cases outside help, but apparently with NPD there is no chance of a cure or even an improvement in symptoms. They simply have no self awareness so there's nothing to work with.

I think it helps us "the victims" hate that word because I refuse to be a victim......but it helps us to know what we are dealing with.

With NPD it really isn't us, it really is them. If we can learn and understand that then they no longer have any power or control over us. It is our first step into taking the power back.

I Learned that with my dad years ago, I have just had to learn it again this week with my sister. I don't actually think she has full blown NPD, she is nowhere in the same league as dad. I just think she was echoing some of his behaviours. Perhaps now he is gone she too might be free of his influence.

As we have established, the Golden Child is often as much of a victim as the Scapegoat, perhaps even more so because they can take on the same traits as the narcissistic parent.

lessonlearned

spirit wrote: »

I can't take credit for that word although it describes her perfectly. I just happened to be telling a good friend about it and it was her who referred to her as a trollop.


Blimey, even the neighbour opposite commented that she would be 'no great loss' in my life. they didn't even know her.

There see it's definitely not you.......not when others have noticed and commented.

Re your son and those rose tinted glasses. Alas as a parent we really can't intervene. It's hard to sit back and do nothing but at such times it probably is a case of least said, soonest mended.

It my sisters case I really do think she married the wrong man......but she dotes on him so there you go. I keep my mouth firmly shut.

But I agree it must be very hard for you to see your son being taken for a ride.

lessonlearned

Speaking of nemesis.....I've noticed that most narcs actually come to rather a sticky end. Over time people wise up and move on. Narcs often end up very lonely and bitter, deserted and alone.

Their physical health declines too.....its as if all that poison and venom eats away at them and makes them sick.

They really are their own worst enemies and often are more to be pitied than envied.

spirit

Unashamedly copied from The Speakmans Facebook page this morning.


"Whatever makes you sad, leave it. 🙁
Whatever makes you smile, keep it. "