Other thread opened my eyes

moneyistooshorttomention

lessonlearned wrote: »

Mrs Mac.....you are sooooo not alone. Just look at this thread, so many heartbreaking stories.

For me this thread has been a lifeline this week. The one place where I can unburden and release all the poison.

Well - look at it this way. You've now "lanced the boil". That's what one has to do with physical boils on the body - so why would it be any different to one at more emotional/mental level?

So - now the healing can start.

As an outsider - I think it looks like you've been taking things at a pace you could handle - rather than all issues coming up at once for dealing with. I guess this one is the last hurdle and the gate is now open to those sunlit fields beyond...

elona

LL

I am so glad you are free (sound like John Inman ) and that you have a weight lifted off you (or a millstone round your neck).

I could do with losing weight too so will need to buckle down to it. Hopefully the Spring weather will help. DDs have got me to wear a pedometer to make sure I am moving about and I will build up how much I can do before getting breathless.

It might be a good idea to print out this thread or copy it to your computer so you can re read it in the future. It sounds as if paying off her debts and having a fresh start will not last long by the description of the "lovely" pair but that is very much "their" problem.

lessonlearned

My sons bought me a fancy watch gizmo thingy that records my vital functions.....ooh-er missus. It's telling me I had over 8 hours sleep Last night. No wonder I feel better.

What a good idea about printing out this thread to remind myself to remain firm when she comes along with the next sob story.

Gawd I have been such a fool.

Money....lancing the boil.....what a great description, and yes looking forward to those sunlit fields.

Upside bear.....what a cute little neme and so apt. A great diet for good mental health.

elona

LL

You have not been a fool! You have been caring and supportive to someone who did not appreciate it and who probably sees kindness and decency as a weakness. More fool her.

Hugs

lessonlearned

I just want to say that I am sorry if I have monopolised the thread this week. It has been a bit me, me, me.

However, I cannot thank you enough for your support and encouragement, it has been a really tough week and I feel like I have been on quite a journey.

In all seriousness to be able to come on here and pour it all out has been the best therapy for me. I would never have got this on the NHS and I would have had to pay privately. It would have cost me a small fortune and it would have taken weeks if not months.

I have had healing for free and it's only taken a few days.

So a big thanks to MSE and all you lovely fab people.

maryb

I am really grateful to you for sharing - and it has helped me enormously. It's only in the last day or two that I have connected all the dots. Already I feel so much better about myself.

One of the ways her narcissm showed itself was that she never bought me any clothes other than my school uniform and I had to make do with badly fitting shabby castoffs any other time. So I was not allowed to go round to friends because it would have looked bad and I was selfish for trying to make her spend money she didn't have (Because she spent it on her own concerns).

I have always felt guilty about spending money on myself ever since. (But I have lavished clothes on my DDs). It takes DH to take me shopping before I buy anything beyond the basics. I look respectable and not shabby these days but I have got fat and frumpy. But I can feel a change in myself. I have always sabotaged my own efforts to lose weight because the negative voices keep telling me to stop being fussy and because I have always thought I have to be a nurturing mother (because she wasn't). Now I feel I shouldn't just accept being overweight - and I've lost two pounds in just the last three days.

Of course, this may lead to me crashing out of the Don't Buy any Clothes in 2017 thread:rotfl:

lessonlearned

Well I am glad if you have found my outpourings of help. It did feel a bit self indulgent of me to be "monopolising" the thread but I am pleased that my story has helped someone.

Well done on Losing the weight. And by all means crash out of the Non Clothes Buying thread...there is no way I would join in. Yes I've got tons of clothes, probably far too many but I don't care. They give me pleasure. If you can afford to treat yourself now and again well why not. Don't spend all your money on your daughters.......

As you lose weight revamp your look. Ditch the Frump!!!:rotfl:

Join us on the Frump to Fab thread, they are a lovely bunch, you'll get lots of support and plenty of laughs along the way.

Nargleblast

Lessonlearned it sounds like you have emerged from the last few years like you were in a tunnel with crap being thrown at you from all sides. Now you are coming out into the fresh air and the sunshine again. It must have felt like hell at times, but you got through it and you have survived. Go forth and live! I am so pleased for you.

Litchielou

LL please don't feel that you have monopolized this thread, we all have had a lightbulb moment and if we want to let off steam to strangers (who are now close friends) and it helps you as it's helped me then go for it.

Before I thought it was only me who felt as I did and it was something to be ashamed of, as mums (not mine she's Mother) they are supposed to love you and take care of you. I should of realised after my father died he was bad but now I know she is just as horrid.

I have been talking to my DS and DD about this thread and they have both said how different I am to her. My DIL who we took in at the age of 17 after her foster family let her down who went on to marry my son says she thinks I am so different from Mother, she can't believe we are related. I know (having a big head moment) that I am a good person and be helpful to all. I think I have finally woken up to how I am treated.

2 weeks to our retirement and new way of life.
Take care love to you all xx

spirit

lessonlearned wrote: »

I have been reading all those emails, analysing them and really paying attention to both the text and the subtext and guess what.....I think you know what I am going to say.....the Golden Child was Displaying some very distinct narcissist characteristics. Has she simply echoed dad. Has she taken on his mantle.



She has sent me a few more today......conciliatory, apologetic even. This is what dad used to do, upset me then bombard me with apologies.

T

Reading these emails again so carefully, I notice a theme running through them, Even the conciliatory ones have that edge, that self righteous indignation, that self justification, that monumental ego that manifested in my father, what we all recognise in narcissists. Its all me,me, me, me.



I gave her that power, well now I'm taking it back.

Can you filter the emails to go straight to your junk folder?