Other thread opened my eyes

lessonlearned

Money.....I Have reached my decision. She can have the lot.

I have just rang the solicitor and given him my instructions. He seemed surprised and said "you mean everything?"

I said " yes Everything, I want all financial ties severed".

He then asked if I was absolutely sure and I said yes, absolutely.....

Do you know what ........it feels great......:D.

Yes I have lost a sister but I have gained peace.

I have come a long way in 24 hours. Yesterday I would have been shedding buckets of tears, today all I feel is relief.

Litchielou

If that's your desicion, peace and a stress free life is more important. You are a strong lady with plenty of love from the most important people your boys and new DIL. (I love mine, she's my extra daughter)

Take care xx

[Deleted User]

Put down the things in life that are causing you grief, turn round and walk away, don't look back, don't overthink the decision later on, make that decision and stick to it then breathe the pure fresh air of the first few seconds of your new and more peaceful lives then learn that it is fine to be happy again because IT IS! I had to do this with a mother who caused me more hassle than I could cope with some 30 years ago, it wasn't easy and I had to harden myself against the pleading letters but life since implementing the decision to sever ties has been much more tranquil and far less upsetting than it was before. Be good to yourselves and immediate families first, middle and last. I wish you happiness from now on!

Pollycat

lessonlearned wrote: »

Update...

Well it would appear that she has thought things over and is being even more unpleasant. I think she's lost it.

She refuses to talk to me like a grown up and yet last night she kept Bombarding me with emails each one more histrionic and unpleasant than the last. At half past midnight I ignored the last one in which she had a go at my sons and went to bed.

Why did you keep reading them?

lessonlearned wrote: »

I have answered it this morning and have defended my boys because her accusations against them were very unkind.

And why did you feel you should defend your own family?

lessonlearned wrote: »

Anyway I'm resigned now. Our relationship is now damaged, probably beyond repair and oddly enough I don't even care now. I am more than happy to be estranged.

No. She has damaged your relationship beyond repair.
Put the blame where it belongs.

lessonlearned wrote: »

She says she is going to make an offer but frankly I don't want any more money. I am going to instruct the solicitor. We also have a plot of land in joint names and I am going to Renounce my interest and gift it to her.

She can have the lot. I just want a "clean break divorce" and to be done with it. I want no further financial entanglements. And.....I don't even want to see her now.

Very sad but there you go.

I would do the same about the money your Father left in the will but not about the land.
I'd ask her - through a solicitor - if she wishes to purchase your share for the 'going rate'.
If she doesn't agree, leave it as it is.
It will(?) go to your sons in your will, don't deprive them right now this minute because you feel (very understandably) angry towards your sister.

I agree, it is very sad but it's how some families are.
I've mentioned my 'golden child' sister but not the other sibling who I've spend more years not speaking to than speaking to.

Sadly, you may have to go through another grieving process for this lost relationship but you've done it before and you're strong enough to do it again.

Sorry if I come across as blunt, I don't do 'there, there' stuff very well but here's a :grouphug:

moneyistooshorttomention

This was what I was wondering LL - re your share of the land being your sons inheritance. No idea how much it's worth obviously - could be £5,000/could be £50,000.

Hoping this works out well for you anyway.

spirit

LL I'm so sorry it's ended like this.


But isn't this just how your father engineered it? so in a way he has won.


Having said that, I can understand your reaction to it and is probably how I would feel right now.


However, I too think that your sons should be able to inherit your share of the land.

Pollycat

lessonlearned wrote: »

Money.....I Have reached my decision. She can have the lot.

I have just rang the solicitor and given him my instructions. He seemed surprised and said "you mean everything?"

I said " yes Everything, I want all financial ties severed".

He then asked if I was absolutely sure and I said yes, absolutely.....
I
Do you know what ........it feels great......:D.

Yes I have lost a sister but I have gained peace.

I have come a long way in 24 hours. Yesterday I would have been shedding buckets of tears, today all I feel is relief.

I hope you've not acted too hastily ref the land but it is your choice.

Do you think you'll be strong enough to keep your distance when your sister comes a'knocking at your door for emotional or financial help?
Because - from what you've posted - she will.

lessonlearned

Polly I kept answering her emails because I wanted to thrash things out if I could.

Well she's has just sent me an olive branch of an email. :rotfl: I have accepted it but shall be keeping a certain distance for now.

Re the land I don't want it. She has used it as a memorial garden for mums and now of course dad's ashes and I feel it should stay that way. It seems wrong to disturb them in order to put the land to work so to speak.

It may or may not one day get planning permission but I have no desire to build on it.....it is prone to flooding. And I certainly don't want to cultivate it or keep livestock on it. The boys won't care. They have no interest in it.

Re the boys inheritance.......they have already had it. :rotfl:

My late husband and I decided to settle a sum of money on each of them which they have used as deposits so they could afford their own homes now when their need is greatest, rather than making them wait until I pop off. I intend living a very loooooong time.:rotfl:

What I have left will probably be needed for my nursing home fees when I'm old and decrepit. That is if I don't blow the lot on fun and frolics first :rotfl:

They can then have what's left or depending on circumstances I might earmark some to help out any grandchildren...don't have any yet but am hopeful at least one of them will do the decent thing before too long.

Both my sons are now quite money savvy and are building their own little pots of net wealth. I don't really need to worry about them now.

My only real fear is that they don't succumb to the illness that stole my husband. As far as we know they are in the all clear but alas there are no cast iron guarantees. There might be a little rogue gene in there somewhere but we dont talk about that..

Primrose

I am another who would have counselled not to renounce your right to any land. You may not want it but there might be a time in the future where your children hit financial hardship or real difficulties that come out of the blue and this would make a genuine difference to the way they are able to cope.

Please call your solicitor and hold fire. It's never a good idea to make a decision in the heat of an argument. You can still sever contact if that's you're determined to do but don't let your children potentially suffer as a result. They should be your priority now.

lessonlearned

We shall just have to agree to differ.....:rotfl:

I realise that this a money saving website and my attitude towards the money might seem a tad cavalier but without pp the land is worth peanuts. Yes it might get pp at some point and therefore become of value but I'm not prepared to remain financially shackled to my sister any longer - not after this week. It's not worth it for a long shot.

I have learned another very valuable lesson this week, namely that my sister is not the person I thought she was. She has a mean, nasty and ruthless streak.

Why did I never notice it before.

No the sooner we are financially unshackled the better.