Other thread opened my eyes

LameWolf

Spirit best of luck; look at it this way, it's just one day and probably not even the whole day. I agree with Monna about "playacting" your way through it (if that's the right term).
I probably shouldn't admit this, but I've escaped from awkward conversations before now by feigning an urgent need for the bathroom!

moneyistooshorttomention

lessonlearned wrote: »

Such a shame when what should be a joyous occasion is spoilt. And when you find yourself dreading the ordeal rather than looking forward to it with pleasure.

People like this are so toxic.

i didn't sleep very well. Found out yesterday that the BIL has finally owned up to receiving a loan from dad as recently as last August. I stopped looking after s dad's affairs when he moved in with my sister last April, when she took over.

When I gave all the paperwork over to the solicitor I checked dad's bank statements and noted this anomaly. BIL has only just "remembered"..........a bit of a coincidence that he remembers the week after the solicitor got to work.



No wonder I can't sleep......

The phrase I find very useful for things like that is "Yeh right:cool:" - to which one could add the follow-up phrase of "....and pigs might fly" - but it's sorta hanging in the atmosphere.

I am better able to see the reasoning behind you "divorcing" your sister - with those thoughts about how she might well have misused her power of attorney. That's one possible "bed of thorns" you are well off out of...keeping clear blue seas between you on that one.

lessonlearned

Pollycat wrote: »

This made me smile.

What a fab post, LL.
I hope you stick to it.

Yeah....see what I did there.....quite unintentional. But yes my nom de plume comes from learning life's lessons the hard way. :rotfl:

lessonlearned

lessonlearned wrote: »

Yeah....see what I did there.....quite unintentional. But yes my nom de plume comes from learning life's lessons the hard way. :rotfl:

Money.....I doubt that I will ever trust her again. Once trust has been betrayed I don't think you can go back. Or maybe that's just me.

maddiemay

lessonlearned wrote: »

Money.....I doubt that I will ever trust her again. Once trust has been betrayed I don't think you can go back. Or maybe that's just me.

No not just you, I too am likely to give someone far more chances than they deserve, but as you have mentioned before, once that line has been crossed that has to be the end of trust and respect.

[Deleted User]

I have read this thread with interest since I first spotted it and I worked through the questionnaire. The answers didn't surprise me - I have always known these was something .

I bought the book that the questionnaire comes form and it has been a total eye opener. Realising that the something isn't just me being over-sensitive, realising that this is experienced by lots of people. From me and my sister I am ignored and she is 'engulfed'. The ignoring is hurtful but I totally get what LL says, it feels better than the other option!

I had always thought I was close to my sister yet at the same time have always been very aware that I am the 'different' one in the family; I don't share the same set of values for starters. Recently I have begun to see that this 'difference' is something I am glad to have, something I am proud of. This weekend my sister did something that surprised me and made me realise just how different we are, and that we aren't as close as I thought.

I have to work through all this new information but this thread has been instrumental in bringing to a focus the challenging relationship I have with my family. Thanks you to everyone who has contributed so far.

lessonlearned

You're right Allie, we do have to work through these issues. But oh my life it is exhausting isn't it.

And I think you are spot on about "feeling different". I think this is what they do to us, they make us feel isolated and that we are the ones that are out of step.

That's their modus operandi. :rotfl:

But I think you are right to feel proud of being different, as monnagran says the moral high ground is a good place to be. The air is clean and we can hold our heads high knowing we are doing what is right.



.

lessonlearned

maddiemay wrote: »

No not just you, I too am likely to give someone far more chances than they deserve, but as you have mentioned before, once that line has been crossed that has to be the end of trust and respect.

Yep......you can only be bitten so many times - then you bite back. Not literally of course, but certainly metaphorically.

You know that sign on my forehead, the one that said "doormat". Well it's gone, it's been erased.:D

spirit

LameWolf wrote: »

Spirit best of luck; look at it this way, it's just one day and probably not even the whole day. I agree with Monna about "playacting" your way through it (if that's the right term).
I probably shouldn't admit this, but I've escaped from awkward conversations before now by feigning an urgent need for the bathroom!

Hehe, yes that's an option too, although I quite fancy just looking into their eyes and smiling - and not engaging with their conversation.

moneyistooshorttomention

lessonlearned wrote: »

And I think you are spot on about "feeling different". I think this is what they do to us, they make us feel isolated and that we are the ones that are out of step.



.

Actually it's not so surprising if this happens sometimes with families - as it's a very common modus operandi in society as a whole.

There are rather a lot of people that will try and make out that "their" viewpoint IS the way things are/everyone thinks and try and marginalise the person that has a viewpoint different to theirs. It involves telling them they are in the minority (when a substantial number of other people think the same way too - maybe even the majority actually). It involves calling them names that are simply not merited. It involves trying to "silence" them one way or another (by censoring what they say if the chance arises or by pretending they haven't heard what has just been said).

....and so it goes on.

Until the person concerned gets wise to it and calls foul.

Think of the plus side - the last time someone was burnt at the stake just for holding a different opinion is now several hundred years ago LOL (EDIT; think it was 1726 to be precise).