Other thread opened my eyes

Mojisola

Litchielou wrote: »

I have put the process of finishing work yesterday, I leave on 8th march, so excited. My DH leaves the week before. I posted this on Facebook and today I had the most vicious phone call from Mother to say how upset she was that she found out from my younger brother who read my status and not from me personally.( She did know I was finishing but not the date.) She has in one phone call ruined our moment of happy times to come. I'm sad to say that at the moment I HATE her.

I think you need to either put the phone down and walk away (and let her rant to empty air) or cut the connection. Do whichever feels right for you the moment the first nasty comment is made.

If you don't hear her poison, it won't ruin your day.

Caterina

Put your brothers on a reserved list on FB where you can still have contact but they don't see your posts. Sounds like they are feeding your business to your mother and that's not healthy and none of their business.

In the end I deleted my FB account because I wanted to keep my privacy total. My sister complained that we don't hear from each other anymore and I said I have landline, mobile and emails still active. She hasn't bothered contacting me since. Families....

moneyistooshorttomention

...and, right now, get that bottle of champagne out (or book a nice meal out or something) in order to celebrate your retirement.

Don't let her "spoil your moment".

She's probably been counting the days until your retirement date - telling herself "...and then she'll be available to run me around some more" and that's what is really getting her goat right now.

117pauline

Dearest Litchie

Please do not let the anger you feel towards her spoil the start of your retirement together.

It's easy to say.... not so easy to do.

But think about it as though it were a friend doing this. You would remove yourself from the situation or reduce the time you spend with them.

As an outsider to the situation, it sounds like your mother is definitely playing a power game. Try not to give her the pleasure.

Your retirement is something to celebrate as others have said. If she is unable to do that then enjoy the celebration without her, with those whom you love and love you.

So as part of this thread, we will raise a virtual glass to you. Just tell us a time and we will be with you!!

Take care
Pauline

monnagran

Now, come on Litchielou! Don't tell me that you are surprised at your mother's reaction. I only know you on this thread and I only know your mother by repute but I could have written the script. After all, she sees her personal slave and whipping-boy slipping out of her clutches. How dare you! Not only are you escaping her serfdom, but she wasn't the first to hear about it.

Don't even get me started on Facebook and your brother.
Of course she was going to cause a scene about your retirement, after all, it's not about HER is it? The only thing she can possibly do to get everyone's attention back to where it should be, on HER, is to cause the most almighty fuss and display her hurt feelings to the world in general and to you and your brothers in particular.

Right, that's that then. Everyone can have a good laugh and carry on.

Don't you DARE let her reaction spoil your fun and excitement. (When I use capitals I am shouting, just in case you wondered.)
You are about to do something that you have never done before - absolutely whatever you like. You will be so busy doing whatever you like that you won't be available to to run your mother here there and everywhere. Even if you and your dear husband have scheduled a day watching the boxed set of Morse and a picnic by the fire and leaving the phone off the hook, you will be too busy for any chaperoning duties.

Are you listening to me?

I feel like a very fierce Headmistrees I once worked under. On one occasion she was rehearsing a class of 8 year-olds in a play they were putting on. They were supposed to be laughing, dancing, playing and generally having a merry time. They weren't doing too well. "LAUGH!" she screamed at them. "LOOK HAPPY. ENJOY YOURSELVES WHEN I SAY 'BEGIN'."

So, Litchielou, this is what I say to you. "Enjoy yourself when I say 'begin'".

"BEGIN".

x

Lynplatinum

Hiya Litchylou (OP - hope ive done your name right )

Look: - some folks enjoy being miserable.

I was told that in counseling which saved my life - literally! Prior to that I had assumed it was all my fault!

I had a very close relative with whom I had to get on. Counseling taught me to set my own limits in any relationship.

She is not going to change. You have to.

You are making yourself miserable, my dear, though I understand how you feel the need to be dutiful.

Go round once a week and do one hospital appointment a month (or similar) and tel other siblings that they must do their part. Your family need you happy and strong.

I would second sitesafe's advice - go to counseling - there is nowt wrong with you but there probably is with others and you need to learn a skill set to deal with em!
Best of luck.

Lynplatinum

Litchielou
Dont give her the power to make her hate you. She's like a small child throwing a tantrum. Keep to your boundries and remember if didnt spend her days victimising you then she'd only be doing it to someone else!

Walk away - stay within your agreed times to help her out! No more - no less. Her problem!

Litchielou

Just got in from work to read all the supportive messages. Not seen my DH since 7am so also needed to tell him as well and like you all he says don't let her spoil our news.

I finish 8th march he finishes 10th march. On that day we are having a get together with work colleagues and our children and grandchildren. ( I won't be putting that on FB)
14th march we are off to York and we go to Benidorm in may for my birthday.

So all you lovely friends because that's how I think of you raise a glass of something at approximately 7.30 to our future.
Thanks for your support and love xx

maddiemay

I am a bit late to the party and don't have a glass of anything, but raising a big mug of rosie lee to you and your OH and wishing you a very happy retirement, I thoroughly recommend it!:D

Upsidedown_Bear

I'm a bit late to the party as well. Can't add anything to the help you've already had but wanted to send love to you and wish you both a very long and happy retirement