Do You Trust Your Other Half?

svain

Checking her phone, check her tablet, checking her handbag ...... All your doing is sending your partner into another's arms. Just no way a relationship can be sustained happily under such scrutiny. MY advice to your partner would be to leave you now and give you the space you seem to need to get your head straight. Once you have conquered that you wont feel the need to spot check your partners life

barbiedoll

My now-husband once read one of my old diaries shortly after we first started living together. In it was an entry about a night I spent with my best friends brother. We were both a bit down, we'd had a bit of a drink and it turned into a drunken fumble. I'd written something in my diary like .."Wow, never knew that XXXX was such a tiger!!"
This was someone that I had known for many years, it was never repeated and we just laughed it off the next day and never spoke of it again.

When I got home that evening, my husband had a face like someone had died. I thought something had happened to one of his kids and immediately panicked. When he told me that he'd read the diary and was very upset that I had "shagged" someone that he had recently been drinking with (we'd all been to my friend's wedding, her brother and my husband got on like a house on fire), I just laughed with relief. As I pointed out to him, we didn't "shag" at all, apart from that, it was 2 years before I even met him (husband) and I'd completely forgotten about it anyway, as I'm sure the other guy had. And why the hell was he reading my diary? (Unsurprisingly, he didn't have an answer to that!)

For years afterwards, if I mentioned one of her brothers in passing, my husband always said..."is that the one that you shagged?"....

I'm pretty sure that he has had a sneaky look at my phone in the past, not that it's locked, and I have saved the passwords to my emails on his computer so there's no hiding place for me. I don't have anything to hide, as he well knows, but if it keeps him quiet then I don't have a problem with it. I can check his too if I like, not that I bother. If he doesn't want to be with me, I can't make him stay, and vice versa.

Life is too short to worry about stuff like this. Either you trust your partner or you don't. If you don't, then you should ask yourself why. Personally, I couldn't live with having to check up on someone all the time but if that's what floats your boat, then carry on by all means. Be warned though, if someone is always being accused of cheating, they may as well go and cheat.

thorsoak

Brightonsbest wrote: »

Hi

Please do not feel "sorry" for me.

"Trust," do you really beleive that realtionships are based on anyhting else? They are not and people make promises, false promises and lie and lie in order not to get caught, a good exmaple is in my OP.

Anyway, I wish you ATB

Regards

My relationship - which lasted for over 50 years (until the death of my dear other half) - did. And I am now in a new relationship and again, I trust him implicitly - as he does me. Were there no trust, there would be no relationship.

Maybe expecting someone to be unworthy of trust generates response "if that's what you expect, then that's what you will get".

Still feel sorry for you though!

It doesn't mean that I go around like Pollyanna, expecting everyone to be good - but my radar is pretty good and I can soon sum up whether someone is trustworthy or not. And at 73, I've met an awful lot of frogs (whom I wouldn't kiss) as well as a wonderful number of "princes"!

Hard_Up_Hester

Actually BB I do feel very sorry for you, not only are you paranoid but you also cannot read, as Pollycat said I was writing about a work colleague.
Therefore if you find a shopping list in your wife's handbag you will probably imagine it is proof of her infidelity!

Brightonsbest_2

Thanks for sharing Svain,barbiedoll, thesoraks

ATB

Saverule

If you can't trust your partner then why bother with the relationship?
I checked my Ex's phone in the past, not one piece of anything, remotely interesting. I still had a nagging feeling in my gut. Well he dumped me so he could sleep with other women.

Now having said that, I wouldn't dream of looking at my hubby's phone without permission 'my phones dead, can I use yours?' I trust him implicitly and that's why I married him.
If you can't trust someone in a relationship, you're with the wrong person.

cbrown372

Brightonsbest wrote: »

Re hiding gamblig, spending money, that is another thread I'm afraid as I am aware of a few people that instead of paying their mortgage/rent have gambled money away and OH only finds out when the baliffs call - very sad ineed - another subject is drug taking, that too is another thread

Oh can't wait :eek:

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Brightonsbest wrote: »

a few stories I've heard where hubby working backside off, builder at home and at least a one off, or for the duration the builder is there, usally when it's a lone builder. and wifey at home getting borded watching those limbs strech/etc.

I think I've seen that film! OP, hate to break it to you but it wasn't real.

Pollycat

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

I think I've seen that film! OP, hate to break it to you but it wasn't real.

Was that Debbie does Bob the Builder (or Pete the Plumber or Carl the Carpenter?)

If the OP is to be believed, a vast percentage of married women are simply gagging for extra marital sex the minute their partner's back is turned.

And it's simply not real life for the majority of women (regardless of what his 'statistics' say).
I've got all on loading the washing machine and deciding what to cook for tea. :rotfl:

Lioness_Twinkletoes

Jesus, the OP needs therapy.

I've been married for 25 years, and trust my husband absolutely 100%. I'd trust him with my life. He has no passcode on his phone (bless, he can barely use it) and is happy for me to answer it if it rings and he's busy. He works from 6am - 4.30pm Monday to Friday and is at home with me when he's not at work.

I have no reason not to trust him and I can assure the OP I am not burying my head in the sand at all.