Do You Trust Your Other Half?

Pollycat

FBaby wrote: »

Do you mean proof of suspicion? Because if you already have proof, the need the check your partner's phone becomes a bit redundant beyond gathering evidence if required.

The issue is whether having some suspicions is enough of a reason, and if it, what level of suspicion makes it acceptable?


Speaking for myself, it would mean being able to get out of the marriage and moving on at the earliest time the relationship is over rather than living in fantasy land and delaying the chance to move on.

As far as I can tell, the OP does not think his current partner is cheating or has ever cheated.
However, that does not stop him having a 'sneaky' look through their phone, especially when they get 'more than a couple of texts a day'.

You may consider that the OP has suffficient reason for suspicion but I certainly don't.

annandale

He's been cheated on before and she's paying the price clearly

Hard_Up_Hester

I work with someone who's wife is paranoid just like the OP, she checks his phone, pockets and pc, she turns up at work to check he is on the shift he claims he is on. She screams at him, hits him, throws herself on the floor in hysterics regularly, convinced he is cheating.
She punched him in the face and threatened me when she found out that I'd given him a lift home one day, I'm 65, he is 35, my husband was also in the car at the time.
He is leaving her and moving back in with his parents, he cannot take anymore of her behaviour, he isn't cheating, he is always with her or at work.

Brightonsbest_2

clint_S wrote: »

Would checking their phone prevent people cheating? Surely the hurt is there whether you find out by checking their phone or any other way? I appreciate people who have been cheated on and have no trust in anyone and are paranoid from the start in their next relationship, it hurts and you don’t want to be hurt again, but is it worth the mental torture of constantly checking up on your partner? Surely this will cause the relationship to fail, possibly creating a vicious circle of constantly having relationships failing and being cheated on. Sure there are lots of people who do cheat, otherwise else Jeremy Kyle wouldn’t have any work, but it’s nowhere near 90%.

Thanks for sharing again.

Good points in your post.

As time goes on, I check less often as trust builds up over many years but takes less than a second to lose.

I would never say to my other half that I like to have intercourse with some good looking B rated celeb or otherwise.

Checking sneakily the OH mobile/internet, totally agreed and clearly stated in my orginal post - caution advised as you may not be prepared for what you find. Yes, it will not stop cheating, but it will stop you being deceived for weeks, months, years or forever.

The types that go on the Mr Kyle show, they are not the types of cheats I refer to as they are on a different planet. I'm talking the ordinary, hard working, or least one half working, when one gets a cheance at work, or out and about when the other half is out working. Does not sound classy, but a few stories I've heard where hubby working backside off, builder at home and at least a one off, or for the duration the builder is there, usally when it's a lone builder. and wifey at home getting borded watching those limbs strech/etc.

You appear to be a wise man and happy realtionship, good luck

Gloomendoom

Brightonsbest wrote: »

I would never say to my other half that I like to have intercourse with some good looking B rated celeb or otherwise.

If you gave her advance warning, would it be cheating? After all, you aren't going behind anyone's back.

Depending on position used, of course.

Brightonsbest_2

Hard_Up_Hester wrote: »

I work with someone who's wife is paranoid just like the OP, she checks his phone, pockets and pc, she turns up at work to check he is on the shift he claims he is on. She screams at him, hits him, throws herself on the floor in hysterics regularly, convinced he is cheating.
She punched him in the face and threatened me when she found out that I'd given him a lift home one day, I'm 65, he is 35, my husband was also in the car at the time.
He is leaving her and moving back in with his parents, he cannot take anymore of her behaviour, he isn't cheating, he is always with her or at work.

Hi

Polite request:

Please STOP misquoting me!

Where have I said that I go to my wifes workplace, hit her, search her pockets, etc etc.
All I do, once every few months is a light/sneaky look at her moile, tablet, and maybe once a year her handbag and this is only when she has asked me to bring down her debit/ card/keys etc and that happens several times a year but I do not search that often.

I don't beleive my otherhalf does it to me as I'm open but posting here sh is not aware of my account posting this but respects the hurt I had to edure in the past and at times reassures me.

Thank you

A0503

I think you seem to be very stuck on the idea that being deceived solely relates to being cheated on.


People can be dishonest and deceitful in many ways that don't involve cheating - for example gambling problems, drinking problems, drugs even all of which involve lies and deceit. It feels like you almost want to catch your OH cheating just to prove a point.


No matter how hard you look, or how many situations you try to avoid your OH being in, be it speaking to drunk men or being at home with a builder (?!) if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat.


You could spend the next 20 years with your OH, living this paranoid life and still not finding a thing.


You should stop looking for something that isn't there and enjoy your OH and children.

Brightonsbest_2

Gloomendoom wrote: »

If you gave her advance warning, would it be cheating? After all, you aren't going behind anyone's back.

Depending on position used, of course.

If I was to say that to my OH or she to me, biggest insult to me/her - what kind of realtioship says that kind of thing?

Brightonsbest_2

A0503 wrote: »

I think you seem to be very stuck on the idea that being deceived solely relates to being cheated on.


People can be dishonest and deceitful in many ways that don't involve cheating - for example gambling problems, drinking problems, drugs even all of which involve lies and deceit. It feels like you almost want to catch your OH cheating just to prove a point.


No matter how hard you look, or how many situations you try to avoid your OH being in, be it speaking to drunk men or being at home with a builder (?!) if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat.


You could spend the next 20 years with your OH, living this paranoid life and still not finding a thing.


You should stop looking for something that isn't there and enjoy your OH and children.

Thank you, sesnible post.

I am trusting her more as time goes on

Re hiding gamblig, spending money, that is another thread I'm afraid as I am aware of a few people that instead of paying their mortgage/rent have gambled money away and OH only finds out when the baliffs call - very sad ineed - another subject is drug taking, that too is another thread

Pollycat

Brightonsbest wrote: »

Hi

Polite request:

Please STOP misquoting me!

Where have I said that I go to my wifes workplace, hit her, search her pockets, etc etc.
All I do, once every few months is a light/sneaky look at her moile, tablet, and maybe once a year her handbag and this is only when she has asked me to bring down her debit/ card/keys etc and that happens several times a year but I do not search that often.

I don't beleive my otherhalf does it to me as I'm open but posting here sh is not aware of my account posting this but respects the hurt I had to edure in the past and at times reassures me.

Thank you

I don't think you've quite grasped what 'quoting' actually means.

Here's a clue - it isn't what annandale or Hard Up Hester have posted.
In HUH's post # 178 she did not allege that you personally go to your wifes workplace, hit her, search her pockets, etc etc.

She was recounting what happened to one of her work colleague's wife.
Do you not understand the difference between doing that and quoting you?

And Lordy! Lordy!
Now you reveal you check her handbag too. :eek:

Brightonsbest wrote: »

If I was to say that to my OH or she to me, biggest insult to me/her - what kind of realtioship says that kind of thing?

Indeed!
What kind of relationship says it's fine to check your partner's phone and handbag behind her back?