Do You Trust Your Other Half?

Brightonsbest_2

NeilCr wrote: »

Hmm

Asked herself about this last night. She said that it would do her head in if she was in a relationship where she worried about trusting the other person. She'd take a good look in the mirror if she was "sneaking round" looking at her partner's phone. I have to say I agree

And she's been in a previous relationship with a serial cheater

It's about who you are with now not what's happened in the past

Hi NC

Many thanks for sharing.

Please read Firefly's post if you have time and you will see where I am coming from.

At times people do not set out to cheat, but it happens and you have heard that many times.

In your favour is the fact your OH suffered via a serial cheater. IMO, victims of cheaters rarely cheat, so you have a good one there, look after here and all the best!

annandale

Groundhog Day

Saverule

Why live with what if? What if? You're projecting on your partner your insecurities, which in turn will Push them away. How do you not understand that?

If I keep prodding you and pushing your boundaries saying "you'll push me in a minute" and keep going, on and on and on. You will inevitably do it. Because you think, wellllll she's already annoying me, she's telling me to do it, I'm being accused of doing it, so why not do it?

There's also the other issue, so you check up on them... You find they've had a scandalous affair, how does you breaking boundaries prevent the affair? It doesn't because you unfortunately can't stop someone cheating, they're going to do that regardless if you check up on them. The only way to prevent someone from cheating is to be healthy, happy, respectful and stable within yourself.
I also find communication absolutely KEY if I notice my husband unhappy, snappy and disinterested, I don't then go 'oh he's cheating on me... Best check that phone.' No I get him a cup of tea, I sit down beside him and ask him calmly about his behavior. This will prevent whomever from walking away from you to look for that intimacy elsewhere.
Crossing boundaries and personal space, would drive me absolutely insane and I would never inflict that on someone else. Personally it's unacceptable behavior and I'd be inclined not to trust that person.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Duh... that's 90% if you add them together.

40 out of 100 women and 50 out of 100 men is 40+50= 90 people out of 200 people.

90 out of 200 is 45%.



This is why Mathematics is a compulsory subject to age 16.

(ETA: and typing/proofreading should be).

thorsoak

Brightonsbest wrote: »

Hi

Many thanks for raising a valid and sensible question.

Educated people/families like mine decide whom trust and whom not to trust at a very early age. The DM is respected within our family, relatives and friends. It is one of the handful media sources that I and my family can relate to.

About "distrusting everyone." The fact is that I could never, never ever distrust or trust everyone. However, I do and will continue to trust some people and distrust others.

Have a good evening

:T:T:T.

Educated people/families trust the DM? I question your definition of educated!

annandale

This thread is comedy gold

cbrown372

annandale wrote: »

This thread is comedy gold

His new signature is even better.....



If this is Brighton's best, wonder about the rest!

System

I have never checked my bf's phone or facebook despite knowing the passwords. Why? Because i trust him. When we got together o told him about my past, and i told him in no uncertain terms if he was ever unhappy and it wasn;t working he should leave me. No games, no cheating, just gone. And he agreed. Anf you know what? I di trust him. He isn;t secretive, he openly uses facebook and his phine in front of me. He tells me about people. He even told me about an ex he's friends with who wants to come and stay at his house and he put his foot down and said no that wouldn't be approprite. If he wanted to cheat would he do that? Or would he arrange to see her? As for chating on me i don;t think he has the time, on the rae ocassions during the week when we;re not together hes up at his mates house. He literally doesn;t have time to cheat :rotfl: and why wuld he? Why would he when he tells me he loves me, when he wants us to live together and have a future together? he knows if he chated he would lose EVERYTHING. Yes he could cheat but he CHOOSES not to. And i trust him on that/.

My ex on the other hand? Oh i suspected him. He as alwways secretive about his phone and his laptop. Always had nights out with "mates" where he wouldn't come home. One time he left hos laptop unlocked and i looked, and you know what, it didn;t make me happy. There's a saying that if you go looking for trouble, you'll probably find it, and oh bpy did i find it He'd been on multiple dating sites, many "questionable" !!!!!! sites and everything in between. Some random lass even came up to me one night and told me he;s cheated on me with her. But what happened? Nothing. I couldn't confront him, i knew he's turn it on me. I knew i'd be tyhe one in the wrong. And tbh he'd worn me down so much over the years i was in denial even though my gut told me i was right. Eventually it ended when i finally caught him in person cheating on me (which was just prior to me tipping my pint over their cheating heads). He didn't stop there. He got her pregant and cheated on her too!

However can i say that all men are alike just because i had ONE bad exeperience? No, i can;t. My bf is NOTHING like my ex, maybe that's why i trust him. My gut instinct tells me he;s a good un, that he won;t cheat. And honestly, i d beleive that if he was unhappy he;s choose to leave and not cheat. If that makes me a fool then so be it, but you can't tar everyone with the same brush and if theres no trust your relationship is as good as doomed anyway.

annandale

That's some signature

Given the amount of spelling howlers the OP has made throughout this thread

System

Just to add if my bf felt the need to check my phone behind my back (not that he'd find anything, the last person i texted was my mum n NYE :rotfl: ) i;d be very concerned as to where our realtionship was headed. If he doesnt trust me (and if i didn't trust him) then whats the point in being with someone? I'd hope he knows me well enough by now to know i never have cheated and i never would. I think the OP has some past issues and needs to work on resolving them, rather than projecting them onto everyone else