Sashybo - Back Again

Willowtree222

It's easy when we have children to lose sight of who we are and feel like we're sacrificing a lot. The fact you're thinking of your children and childcare and everything else about them that makes you an amazing person. 

Managing children and a home is also a full time job which often feel endless and with no gratitude. I'm sure when they're older, you will have the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

I'm sorry your feeling so low. Could.you share this with DH so he can also reassure you. 

sashybo

Thanks both, I’ve been pretty bored since my job was restructured whilst I was on my first maternity leave - so a long time now as DS will be 7 this year! It didn’t matter so much for the first few years as I was sleep deprived and juggling a baby & toddler plus the house and DH’s shifts. I didn’t have the mental capacity or energy to do anything except the basics of my job anyway! 

Now the kids are (mostly) sleeping well and I have time to myself when they’re at nursery & school, I’m getting more and more bored. I know I have the brains to do something more challenging but I don’t know what. I still have no idea what I want to do. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

I feel like I’ve just given up in my current job and do the bare minimum and management think I’m lazy. 😕 I’ve definitely lost any confidence I had work wise. It mostly seems to be the people that are good at sucking up and talking the talk (without walking the walk) who seem to get ahead. I think I’m seen as negative and “difficult” as I question things!

DH knows how bored I am but he just says do something about it. He has kind of acknowledged now that it’s not that easy due to his shifts & childcare. He gets frustrated with me and says I’m making up excuses though which can be hurtful as I don’t think I am. 

The company pretends to be family friendly but they really look down on job shares and treat you as an inconvenience. They don’t want the hassle of a job share in their departments which is why I would have to go back full time if I went for another job.

I don’t interview well as I’m shy when I don’t know people well and am rubbish at “selling” myself.  I do look at the company vacancies but there isn’t really anything I could do, either because you need very specific job qualifications or experience that I don’t have. There are also jobs that I know I don’t want to do!

I’m just going around in circles really. ☹️ I think I need to stop thinking about it and just get on with things. I would like to stop feeling angry/resentful and bitter. 😔

satchmo1

If you find "selling yourself" in interview difficult, it would be worth working on a script or even a list that you can read from. Maybe ask DH and/or your mum to help you develop it.  

An exercise I heard about recently was for a group of friends/colleagues to take turns in saying something positive about the person sitting next to them. I haven't tried it, but the exercise apparently highlighted some exceptionally moving insights. 

Willowtree222

Getting on with things doesn't stop the bitterness and how you feel though.

It's also difficult if you don't know what you want to do. Being unhappy without a goal is tough. 

Hope you find something soon. Just for your own self esteem
 

beanielou

Have you thought about taking a course in something that interests you? 

alipops1986

Hi Sashybo, 

I would encourage you to think about what transferable skills you have. What do you do in your current job skill wise that could be transferred to another role in a different organisation even? eg. Problem Solving, Administrative tasks, working as a team etc. 

It's those transferable skills you then write about in the application or discuss at interview. Skills and experience goes along way, further in my experience than qualifications at times. I'd recommend researching transferable skills as a starting point, and from there identifying which of those you enjoy most - then just apply for any roles that you like the sound of/look of. 

I have some experience of this myself, as I left a very high pressured, well paid role as it was making me permanently stressed out. Now, I earn less but have so much more flexibility in terms of hours of work and am so interested in my new role, and delighted it's less taxing! 

I do believe there is something in manifesting; being clear what you want and then looking for it & applying for it! 

Alipops x

jwil

I think that often there's a big difference in how we think others perceive us, and how they actually perceive us.  

There are also stats like men will go for any job they think they might be able to do, whereas women think they need to fulfil all the specified criteria so we can often sell ourselves short and not go for jobs that we'd be perfectly able to do.  There's no harm in applying for a few jobs even if you don't feel like you can do them as it's good practice anyway for filling out the forms and considering the skills that you do have.

jokono

I've been in the same job since before my second was born, and he's older than your kids. 😬

Like you, I don't feel like I'm very good at selling myself and I've had some really horrible interviews, even after preparing a sheet of paper with points to focus on. But I do think that, like with everyhting else, you get better at it. You kind of get used to it. My first interviews felt like complete car crashes, after 3 or 4 they felt less so. Still not great, but much better.

Maybe you could start having a few 'training' interviews while DD is still in nursery? Then once they're both in school you could look at after school clubs or a childminder for the afternoons so you can work a full time Mon-Fri job. I imagine all the extra money would go on childcare but at least it would be a step further towards something better. And as the children get older and more independent it will be easier.

I've been doing the same job with the same people for almost 10 years now. I was able to work from home even before corona, so it was handy with young children, but like you I feel stuck. It pays well, I have nice colleagues, it's not a horrible job, but I'm a bit sick of it. It's in a niche sector as well, so I wouldn't be able to move to a different industry without a substantial paycut. I might do that in a couple of years.

sashybo

Thanks all for the support and suggestions, ironically I also hate change so don't imagine I will do anything about it in the foreseeable. 🫤 I feel ill at the thought of doing something different but am bored to death with my job as it is, pathetic! I don't even know if I want to work full time as DH sometimes works 10 days in a row and his shifts change all the time, I'd like to see him sometimes and be able to do things together with the kids. Basically I'm a mess and my head is a bin fire. 😂 

Yesterday I got the upstairs hoovered, cleaned the bathrooms, put washing away and washed and dried the towels then put them away. I made a pasta bake for dinner as well. The kids were fairly well behaved and were happy enough playing around the house. I did some yoga and my hip physio exercises as well.

Today I've done some glute & core strengthening work and have stuck a washing on. Need to get the floors downstairs cleaned (DD helpfully tried to lift a full bottle of juice off the kitchen worktop and spilled it everywhere) and the couches hoovered. Will need to see what I can make for dinner, maybe cheese & onion quiche as have some ready rolled pastry in the freezer. 🤔 Might make a cake for DH as he's finishing the bulk of his training today as well.

I need to sit with DS and play some educational games to help him learn telling the time as he's been working on that at school. He has been telling me the time from the wall clock but mostly only when it's on the hour!

It's heavy rain today so don't much fancy going anywhere, will need to get the kids out tomorrow though as they need the fresh air and a run around.

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry you are finding work a struggle.  I think when you have been in a job for a while you do feel like you are stagnating and not progressing and when my DDs were little my husband travelled a lot and worked erratic hours so all childcare responsibilities were on me so I understand that is daunting.  I would suggest you explore wraparound care at some point if you really want to move on to a new challenge but maybe wait until your children are older. I had no family nearby so I had to pay childminders to take the kids to school and pick them up but only 3 days a week. Initially it is frustrating to pay out and tricky to sort out school holidays/sickness but it gets easier as they get older.  My DD has taken a different path and got a job in a school full time so at least school holidays are not a problem. Is that a possibility long term?  

 In the meantime maybe take some time every day to do something for you whether that is exercise or a hobby and try and work it so your DH can watch the kids in between his shifts or when the kids are  in school/preschool if you aren't working then. Looking after your mental health is important.