Sashybo - Back Again

DancingInTheRain

Well done to DD for moving up a level, I'm the same as you with swimming so I've always encouraged the kids with lessons too.

Oh my days, the cheesecake sounds fabulous, almost drooled reading the description 😂 congratulations chef!

Definitely worth exploring further with the clinic, nothing to lose x

beanielou

I think you are right to go ahead with the pre assessment.

sashybo

Thanks both, the pre assessment will cost £145 and at least it will confirm or rule out ASD/ADHD. We will have to use some of our emergency fund to pay for it. If we do need to go ahead with a full assessment we will need to take out a 0% cash transfer as the prices range from £950-£1750 depending on what assessments are required. Not ideal but if we need to do it then we will.

beanielou

Not ideal but priceless in the long term.

sashybo

Have had a fairly lazy last couple of days bar doing many, many loads of washing, if I miss one day it seems to multiply far more than it should.

DD has been fairly well behaved, we didn't have any meltdowns for 2 days and then she kicked off last night because she didn't want to get ready for bed and wouldn't change into pjs. Her answer every time is "Why?" instead of just doing it. I was tired and out of patience so made it worse by shouting. She responded by kicking me multiple times and running away and absolutely refused to get changed until I pinned her down (again not great as it made her more distressed). Sometimes I really struggle with her defiance and really lose my temper but it's a vicious cycle as it makes her behaviour worse. Poor DS was in the background just going about getting ready for bed, brushing his teeth etc amongst all the screaming, crying and shouting. 😖

DD had a taster session at Brownies this week after Rainbows and had a great time, she was making clay animals and has asked for some modelling clay as she enjoyed it so much. She will be going into Brownies after the summer holidays.

DH has been signed off work for 2 weeks as he has hurt his back again and is getting a lot of sciatic pain, he can't sleep which is waking me up, although DD hasn't been in to see me the last 2 nights. I'm sure she will be in tonight as 2 nights in a row is usually her maximum.

Back to work on Early shifts for 3 days from Sunday so not looking forward to the 5am alarms.

Money wise we have saved enough money to pay the holiday accomodation and have most of the spending money saved as well. Just need a bit more plus money for car hire and then we can concentrate on paying off the flights on the 0% CC.

We have two more payments to pay off DD's ipad which we had to replace as she had my old one and it was no longer supported with updates and had started freezing. Then we need to start saving in case she needs a full assessment. DH also has a few other things he is paying off and I'm splitting any survey money between the holiday and my car loan which is on my other 0% CC. The 0% runs out in January 2027 and I don't think it will be paid off so will need to look at doing a BT nearer the time.

weenancyinAmerica

As she gets older, it will become more dangerous for you. You need to get help for her as soon as you can. Better to see the medical specialists than go on vacation or anything similar. We have a couple of other people on this site who have older children that were out of control and did some real damage. In at least one case, they had to be committed for awhile. You definitely want it under control before it gets that far.

We were told when I was learning to be a teacher, to start whispering when someone started yelling. Then they have to lower their voice to hear you. Don't know if would work in your situation though.

ArtyJ931

it may be helpful to get some visual systems in place at home if you can. A few things that might help:

• Simple routine visuals for her to follow (brush teeth, PJs on, book, bed for example or whatever the routine is).
• Give her lots of warning of transitions from one activity to another (5-10 minute timers will help as she can see the visual). There are excellent ones on Amazon that you can set to a few different times.
• You can use chat gpt to write social stories to help her understand particular things. Lots of information and free social stories around that you could just use and to find out about it. I would work on one winnable issue at a time. Eg - no hitting/kicking
• At some point it might be helpful to do a 5 point scale with her when she is calm and regulated. The Incredible 5 point Scale book is pretty cheap on Amazon but it’s simple to do one. This would help you to know how to tell she is bubbling and give you ideas for what to do to support her to calm again.
• She will probably need a significant amount of time decompressing after school before she will be able to socially manage anything else - doing things that regulate her (usually solitary things ) and without that every day she is likely to not manage to regulate through the rest of the day.

Hope those help x message me if you want any info on any of them

ArtyJ931

Another thought - this time of year is full of transitions (end of school year, school holidays coming up, everything in school being a bit different as they do those summery sort of activities and come off timetable, new classes or teachers or school, possibly going on holiday or moving from one activity to another (rainbows to brownies)) so are extra challenging for lots of ND people.

Even things that are exciting can be very difficult if they are new or a change (holidays and all of the above are particular triggers) and your daughter might need a lot of additional down time/ regulating activities to get through.

beanielou

How are things with you? You will be glad the schools are back?

sashybo

Hi Beanie, it's been ages since I've been here, I keep meaning to update and then something else happens and I forget.

Kids started back at school today, both happy this morning until DH made the mistake of asking them to get a photo taken. DS quite happy to do it, DD immediately kicking off, refusing, crying and shouting. DH then made it worse by saying if you do it you'll get a sweetie after school. All DD heard was "sweetie" and began screaming for one (this was all on our driveway btw so all the neighbours got to hear it too). She continued to screech and cry all the way down the hill until we were halfway to school. I got told I'm fat and ugly and the worst mum, these are her favourite insults at present. 😒 DH did get a photo but she refused to smile, so all the fuss was really worth it. 😂

I think this was all her anxiety about going back to school coming out. They both came out of school happy though so that was good.

Our holiday was a bit of a disaster, both kids really struggled with change of scenery and lack of routine. Poor DS is strawberry blonde and was really struggling in the heat as well. Memorable meltdowns were DS crying in a restaurant at 10pm because "what if it was midnight and past his bedtime" and then getting really agitated at the waiters for not bringing the bill as soon as DH asked. I tried to explain that it was a holiday so he could stay up late and that we were in Greece - no one ever hurries. He was outraged when the waiters brought raki, watermelon slices and a dessert instead of the bill. 😂

DD's worst meltdown was in a shop and I had to drag her back to our villa, she kept trying to run away from me into the road so I had to keep a tight grip on her arm and she was trying to bite me the whole way in between screaming like she'd been kidnapped. I had to keep slapping her face away from my arm so she didn't break the skin. My arm was bruised black and swollen afterwards, once the bruising went down a bit you could see the teethmarks. This was all over her wanting half the shop and me saying no she could have one thing, she went nuclear but it was probably everything building up.

DH and I spent quite a lot of the holiday depressed and wondering why we'd bothered. The kids enjoyed being in the pool but apart from that were really hard work every day. We also underestimated how much spending money we'd need for eating out and buying food for the villa so went over by about £300.